Monday, August 21, 2017

Announcing New Book: THE EROTIC ZONE!!!

Promo Art for THE EROTIC ZONE
Hello friends!

I said last time that I would get to drawing and I meant it. I did four new STARSLAM 3 pages and a few things for this thing... my new project revealed!

THE EROTIC ZONE is a smaller graphic novel that collects six erotica short stories I've done (some released digitally via Starslam Kickstarter extras, some not... All 18 Porn World Weekly comic strips (Sunday Style), 16 brand new Pinups (mostly music themed/related!) and a slew of erotica commission work that I have not shared anywhere. The book will be a homage to a certain old TV Show with me as a "host" introducing the stories in a comedic nature.

The book will be just under 100 pages, full color, Standard Tradebook size and yes, FULLY ADULT IN NATURE! (P's and V's and full penetration shown)

The Kickstarter will launch this week. There will be digital only options, signed book options, commissions and sketched book options and retailer incentives, with prices going as low as $5.

I made this book to clear the vault as it were to make room for the final STARSLAM book.... which is coming, BTW. I'm well about 3/4ths done with the artwork and the coloring is right behind that. Just gotta word balloon it and assemble it. So likely done before Xmas if all goes well. But for now, to generate excitement and funds to pay my new colorist, I offer this new erotica stand alone!

People that know me and my work through things like STARSLAM know I approach my erotica from a "female friendly" angle. The stories contained in this new book reflect that, also a playful nature and outlook on sex/sexuality and storytelling. But it is indeed erotic and full of lustful actions and characters. You'll definitely be getting your bang for your buck!

KICKSTARTER LAUNCHES THIS WEEK! Stay tuned...

Here are some sample (no spoiler) images to wet your whistle....








KICKSTARTER THIS WEEK! Stay tuned...

--T

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Its Going to be Okay


I hugged Doug Stanhope.

Let me start at the beginning...

This week sucked. Busy at the day job. House is a mess. Cannot find a rhythm to get some writing or artworking done. I piled more on the TO DO list than anything. I didn't sleep all that well, nor eat better... And My girl and I went through a two day fight.

All of these things are not unique. They happen in everyone's lives. But the way I've been rolling lately, I feel like I'm limping in circles. Going nowhere really damn fast. Barely awake and conscious anymore. I'm stressed and just mentally fucked. You check the news and everyday some insane shit is going down. Just absolutely insane. I get so worked up about it, and there's nothing I can do about it. My girl is frustrated too with her job and other things. We are all we have and so we sometimes take it out on each other, without realizing it. We've been through so much together and so quickly. She helps me through my shit and I try to help her with hers. But my shit seems so big, that I sometimes cannot look past it to see anyone else needing me.

Everytime issues come up in my life, I do this spiral. Where nothing is good, everything sucks and I'll never get out of the shit that holds me back. I think about just giving up. You know, the scary thoughts. I could never do it. Never. But I sure love to think about it. 

I am a depressed person. I have so many things holding me down and back. I can easily write down a list of the things I want and I'd say if I just had these things, I'd finally be happy.

But would I?

I'm talking with my best friend for over 25 years and he tells me he is in therapy and taking pills for depression and a few other things. I'm absolutely floored. When he told me, I cried. The dude has everything on my fucking list. A great high paying job, a loving marriage, he gets to tuck his kid in at night and spend time with him everyday, a huge nice house filled with toys and the financial ability to get anything that comes out when he wants it, a newer nicer couple of vehicles, etc etc etc.... HOW CAN HE BE DEPRESSED??!!!?

I was concerned for my friend. I guess I realized that it won't take those things on my list to make me happy. It will take more work on my part to get myself mentally right. So I made the decision to go back to therapy and maybe even explore pill options. I'm turning 40 in 5 months. I want the rest of my life to be the best of my life. I have so much I want to do and accomplish for myself and my kids, for my friends and my fans. There is so much great work to be done.

After a hard week of shit and once the dust settled from my girl and I's hard fighting weekend, we were exhausted. We took a nap together and then drove to Kalamazoo to see comedian Doug Stanhope. He's one of my absolute favorite comics of all time with easily the darkest sense of humor around. His work has always appealed to me. Not for the faint of heart, fair warning! We stopped off at a used DVD/CD store and found a few gems. I decided to finally pick up one of the TREK TNG seasons on Blu-ray... which when I got it home, it does look immaculate! I'm so late to the table on those... More on that some other time.

We get to the bar and I have a long island and some fries. We get into the show and are seated right up front next to this really nice couple. I buy D and I a few more long islands and the show starts. Local talent goes up first and he's not bad at all! Then a very drunk Andy Andrist comes out and does a very funny set. It was his birthday and you can tell he had already been celebrating. Finally Doug came out and he did well over an hour. I didn't snap any photos out of respect for his asking the crowd not to. I brought along my copy of his book "DIGGING UP MOTHER" for him to sign, if they come out after the show.

Well, they did come out and we lined up. I got one of their tour posters. Its not a very great poster but I supported the show and got Doug, Greg Chalie and Andy A to sign it. It was my turn to go up to the dude to get my book signed. He sees me and reaches out like he wants a hug.

Now, I'm not a hugger at all. I got a space thing. And I would think someone like Doug Stanhope wouldn't be either. He didn't hug anyone else before me in line. But for some reason he reached out for one. I made with the hug and a couple pats. Maybe he sensed I needed it. Maybe they got a running joke of hugging all the fat guys at the shows. Maybe he was appreciative that I didn't mess with him at the show (like others did) and I actually bought his book a while ago and brought it for him to sign. But in that moment, I didn't care. Whatever the case, I hugged the man and he signed my book. That was that.


We left there and I was smiling. I didn't even realize it. I hugged my girl and said, "Dude, I just hugged Doug Stanhope. How cool was that?"

It was cool. And it put me in a good mood. I told myself, "everything is going to be okay."

It took me a while to fall asleep. Its been a crazy week. Lots of downs and a few big ups. But I met a hero and he was a cool dude. I took my girl out and she laughed her ass off. She ate nachoes and got a few rare DVDs she's been looking for. I treated myself to a remastered TREK Blu-Ray that looks awesome. I walked away with some good memories from a comedy show. I got some Overtime hours in at the day job which will help out as it always does. The big decision of going back to therapy is off my mind. Its okay for me now to accept help. My colorist emailed me to say the newest pages I sent him are colored and ready to go.

Maybe after all... it was a good week.

This morning I woke up super early to pee. The cats scratched at the door so I decided to get up. To write this blog. To start a roast that my girl and I will enjoy later. To clean the house and straighten things up. And after that, I feel the drive. I'm busting out the pencils and getting to work again. I think I will do it watching my TNG Blu-Ray... celebrating that 30 years ago this next month, my mom, brother and I sat and watched the premiere of the show. And now I get to watch it, remastered and reassembled from the original negative. Not a video transfer but from the actual film strip.

Its a great time to be alive... and its all going to be okay.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Downtime

I've come to really hate downtime.

Downtime comes from anywhere. Either my lack of time to get anything done. Too many things calling for my attention. Too much self doubt or thinky pain seeping into me and freezing my ability to do anything. Health issues preventing me from doing my thing...

All of this leads to a long period of fucking downtime. It seems endless. Sometimes it seems eternal.

The ideas are there. The drive to get it done is there. But all these other things in my way are hurdles to the end goal of just sitting at a table with a pencil and the opportunity to get it done.

We all have responsibilities and day to day doings. I guess when I was younger I could handle it better. I didn't have as many things in my way. But I could juggle full time college, relationships, friends, two jobs and still find time to get my comics done. I wish it could still be that way, but I guess I've resigned to the fact that it simply is not.

I got many things on the burner. Various books and writings. Comics and other art pieces. These Tshirt ideas that keep nagging at my brain to get them up and out. Then administrative stuff with the website, podcast, blogs, etc.

I'm not complaining about these things at all. I LOVE these things. And I love it when people message me wanting them or cannot wait for them. Its a good feeling. I guess I love beating myself up that I am not as fast as I used to be. Driven, I still am. But fast, no. (sigh)

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans, right? I guess a lot of me has been focusing on life. Like this:

I got D and I a new mattress. The old one was giving out, even though I only had it a year and a half. It was a piece of shit really. I should have invested in a good ART VAN one. But no, I had to go the cheap route. Made for a sore back for sure. Anyway, we got a new one last week and have been sleeping much better. Although Luna here misses her old climbing obstacle, we had to toss the thing. Poor girl.

We try so hard to make time for friends. Its like we got a rotation going. And there are several friends we want to hang out with but just cannot seem to get things rolling to where we can get together. But this past weekend, my pal Matt came up and we went to Cheddars and drank a lot of booze. Here he is enjoying some desserts.

Meanwhile on our own, D and I have been taking care of each other. She made me some Chicken Alfredo that I took to work with me yesterday. We're trying to get into a routine of being around for each other and WITH each other. Juggling work and our outside activities can seem like too much sometimes.
In as much as I am frustrated about the downtime I have away from my comics and other creative stuff going on, I'm also upset about the lack of time I have just being at home. I am about 6 episodes behind on PREACHER, behind on my daily writing and sketching, behind on some gaming stuff, behind on cleaning tasks and sorting things.... I think I would do well to have a week or two off from everything so I can just get caught up and get things where I need them to be. Frankly, I'm exhausted.

But I know its not going to let up. At the day job I am working OT every week now, which is great, but means other things are now 2-4 hours behind per day. I get fatigued and wired up on wanting to do, but cannot do it when I actually find myself time to get to it. You know that feeling? Anyway, when I shake off this shit, I gotta put the finishing touches on this new book and get it kickstarted. Then finish off Starslam 3, which is more than halfway done. Then finish off the two other things, then get shirts up somehow in there. Then work on novel stuff. Hopefully some more music I have been working on sporadically in between all of that...

Fuck I hate downtime. Some of it is lack of time or by design... but the downtime caused by myself, is what hurts the most. I think I am going to take this latter part of the year and focus on just slowing down and getting some shit done at home. Gotta keep my head, you know?

Maybe instead of complaining about it, I need time just to get DOWN and BOOGIE!

I also know that some of this might just be from me reading the news everyday. The constant threat of nuclear war, the white supremacy rallies and how our "president" is not presiding or directing us as to the life we should want... maybe its the world dragging us down and not ourselves. Let's agree to shake it off and flip this downtime upside down and get back to business! Who is with me?

--T



Thursday, August 10, 2017

Fighting Fatigue and Depression



Its coming up behind me again. I can feel it. I don't want it, but its coming fast.

It seems like all this year I've been fighting goddamn depression. I've seen therapists. I've tried meditation and relaxation podcasts. I've tried to revert to things I used to listen to and think about when I was younger. Some days I feel much better and feel like, "I'M BACK!" But most I'm just sitting and it feels like I am waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. 
Little things set me off and derail me. Stress about work. Stress about stuff on my TO DO list. The fact that I haven't touched a pencil in well over a month. Stress about the things my loved ones all around me are going through. Worry about my dad or my kids. Worry about my Girl and her problems she faces. Worry about finances and lacking things like time. I just want to pull my hair out and scream loudly. But mostly I just sit quietly. Listen to podcasts or music. Anything to distract me from myself. 


I'm tired from stress and shit going on around me. Politics. Threat of nuclear war. Pop culture BS. Idiots still not waking up and listening to reason. Down to the fact that I stubbed my toe this morning. It all falls into a big mental soup that I'm trying to gulp down. But its pissing me off. 

I think about all I have to do and how most of it I cannot do yet because of this or that reason. Even if I had a vacation, I don't know what I would do with myself. Probably do what I always do when I have a day off... nothing. Just sit and do nothing. Waste time online or something.


Its weird because there are so many positives going on. My friend had a successful kidney transplant and therefore her and her hubby will grow old together. I'd see her hubby at work just bummed out and my heart was just sinking. The thoughts that your girl might not be here a year from now and the helplessness that must cause. How I couldn't help because my organs are (most likely) absolute shit. But now that's all better. She's doing great, the donor (her friend) is doing great and she'll be home probably the end of this week. Its wonderful news!

Three of my friends bought and moved into new houses this week. I envy them greatly and am so happy for them. They deserve it! Its happiness I wish I could have myself. But I likely won't. Still, I can relate to their joy. Its awesome news!

Another friend is getting ready to have their first baby. They've been renovating their house (nesting) to get ready for its arrival. It reminds me of when I went through all of that. It makes me happy for them. They got so much joy coming. And I know nothing will dampen that joy or steal it from them. Its great to see!

My depression is a combo of many things. Past, present, future all collides in my brain. Mostly its present and future shit I am taking on. I am trying so hard to BE HERE NOW and sometimes I am. Sometimes my actions can be pure and I can joke around again. But inside I am screaming. Inside I am crying. Inside I am creative and it needs to burst out of me. I just need the breakthrough.

Man, I've been this way all year. What the fuck is my problem?

All I know is that I am tired. Of this and everything else. One line from a movie circles my head over and over. It haunts me and stuns me into fear.

"What if this is as good as it gets?"

What I gotta decide is if that is enough or can I strive for more? I can finish what I need to finish. But can I grow beyond it? Who the fuck knows. And I got less shit on my plate then other people I know, so what am I whining about?

That is the circle in my head. Anyway, thanks for reading. Onward.

--Much Love, T

p.s. At least I got a close friend coming this weekend to drink booze with me. That might be EXACTLY what I need.

Monday, August 07, 2017

Cobwebs Suck

Hey friends.

Dealing with the roller coaster this past week. Strikes and Gutters. Ups and Downs. Good and bad. Random BS in my head. Stuff I juggle in the day to day. Clearing off the cobwebs and cleaning off old stains of bloody shitty bullshit.

My oldest son Cody is up for a visit this week. Its so trippy to know in 5 months he will be 18 years old. The dude has a full beard and college plans n'shit. His life is in a bit of chaos right now and its good he came out to get away from it all. I hope I am providing him a nice respite from his troubles.

I had my other boys out here this past weekend. Its great when all three of my boys can be together in one place. All three are so different from one another. Its great to see how they all interact.

I had some financial BS go down this past week. Something that will effect me a bit longer than I expected it to. Its all okay, but its just frustrating to me. I'm busy trying to get my life back into some sort of order and to find things still being issues and holding me back just irritates me. Apparently it is always my duty in this life to clean up all messes, even if I didn't create them. If that is my folly in this life, that is fine. It is what it is. But one day I know I will be clear of everything that holds me back and I won't have to worry about this crap anymore. I live for those days. Its some peace I know I will earn.

Anyway, how about a pop culture-ish rant. This:


New Trek coming out and already they are trying to sell the sexuality of it. We got the ass, tits and face shot going here. I know, Seven of Nine and Tpol were the same thing... but still. I don't know. This cover rubs me the wrong way.

Anyway, I'm letting life return to normal. While still cleaning up the messes around me: 


S-ok. I got it.

Anyway, I hope everyone reading this has a great week. I will attempt to do so as well. Its all we can do. 

--T

Thursday, August 03, 2017

Roger Waters 2017 Concert Review (PICS!)




Hey friends!

Last night I saw Roger Waters of Pink Floyd for the 3rd time. This show was at the Palace of Auburn Hills in Detroit. I've seen a few shows there and now that the Pistons are leaving the venue, who knows if this might be the last time I'm touching that floor.

Anyway, I saw Roger back in 1999 for the IN THE FLESH tour and in 2010 for THE WALL LIVE tour. Both were great shows for different reasons. When I heard he was touring again, I was on the fence about going. It was my co-worker who brought up the idea and we just got tickets on a whim. We ended up getting his friend and my other fellow co-worker to go as well. And last week, Colleen and D decided to join us as well. Luckily we were all able to score floor tickets! This was probably the closest I've ever been to Roger when I've seen him live, and that was cool. I also was able to tailgate a bit and drink a few before going in. Usually I am the one driving (I'm a control freak). But this time I relinquished driving command to the younger folk and rode along. (Of course I shit my pants along the way, but I digress... I got there and back safe and sound) We drank a few and all laughed and lifted the spirits high before we went inside.

The first set was subdued, with most of it from Dark Side of the Moon, his new solo record, some Wish You Were Here stuff and even a Meddle tune!

Colleen, myself, Zillins, D and J.D. all enjoing some beers and the sun.

Opening video was about 20 minutes of this chick just sitting in the sand. Then abruptly the sky turned red and then the show began.

Breathe.

Wish You Were Here

Roger sings.
There was an intermission and then he opened the set by recreating the Battersea Power Station (from the ANIMALS album cover) and even launching out the PIG and doing some powerful political commentary from those songs. Then some more Darkside stuff and ending it off with three The Wall tunes. They made a giant prism using laser lights and then at the end, some confetti came down on the crowd. It was a great experience!










Some other shots from other folks in attendance: 






Overall, it was an excellent show. I didn't think the other two times I saw him could be topped but this came close. In 1999, I appreciated hearing more of his solo stuff.  In 2010, I saw my favorite album of all time performed with the complete stage show, but I was far away. This time I was close and the production values certainly were raised up. The politically charged nature of some of the songs certainly didn't provide any escapism from current feelings and events. And I could feel (and have been reading some) comments and vibes about hating that part of the show from some in attendance. To that I say, "Wow... do you even KNOW about the music you claim to love? Check out the lyrics..."

To me, it was great to see a dude using his art to make comments on the world. That is what art is all about, really. Showing what you see through your eyes. Its up to the observer to agree or disagree and that is fine. Art isn't escaping. Art is reflecting. Just depends if you want to pay attention to the message or gather one of your own or not. That is part of the gig, man. (But I'll tell you, I heard PLENTY of loud cheering during some of that anti-Trump stuff and that felt encouraging... much better than the anger and vitriol I read every day when I pick up the newspaper or read a comment thread.)

I've loved all three Roger shows for different reasons. But this time was excellent. The band hit their marks, Roger sang in great form and it was a spectacle of a show. It kind of sucks a little that it isn't the complete Floyd on stage doing these songs. There's always that air of slight disappointment in that. But this is as close as I'm going to get to it. And that is fine enough. I got the albums and now the memories. And that is all I need.

This aging greyed hardcore music fan just saw some of his favorite songs performed live again by the dude who wrote the majority of it. What do I got to bitch about? Not a damn thing!


While the show was great, the music was performed wonderfully and the stage show was exciting and great to be a part of, the best part was those I went with. We laughed and joked the whole time on the way, at the show and on the way back. We remembered Caleb, whose last conversation with me was about Floyd's music and got to spend it with his wife and feel his spirit there with us enjoying the show. I got to show my favorite music in a visual aspect to D, my love, who hadn't had the pleasure of connecting all of that yet. I haven't laughed that hard or smiled that big in quite a while. I got to chat with other Floyd fans around me and hear their experiences and share some of my own. Music connects people. That is the only true magic there is.

Sometimes, I feel really fucking old. On the way we were discussing bands we've seen live.  I didn't speak up because a lot of the bands I've seen are either broken up or dead. I was the oldest in our group there as well. I was the only one with us that was alive when "The Wall" fucking came out!! But to see my favorite music live, knowing it still connects... still feels relevant... still rocks... still brings the same feelings... still brings out the tears... makes it and myself, feel timeless and ageless.

Does it all still resonate? More than ever.

--T

Monday, July 31, 2017

Random Chunks of Life Experiences

Hey friends,

Last night's blog about Caleb gave me a huge spike in reads. Mostly due to reposts and revisits. I got some wonderful messages about it. I really appreciate it. Here in the blog I try to be entertaining, informative and write from a place of honesty about how I feel about this thing called life. People seem to be entertained by it because the numbers have stayed with me over the 14 years I've done this blog here at Idiothead.com - Same thing with my Morning Show Podcast (Available on Itunes for FREE). I appreciate the continued love and support.

Today's blog is a list of randomness that is on my mind and is going on currently. Enjoy:

1. Speaking on my previous blog about TOYS: My girlfriend sent me this. I thought it fit the concept in my head and thus justifies my feelings on the subject. Let's hear it from the man himself:


2. Remember my old cat Jake? He and Milo were my favorite cats. Milo I lost in 2009. Jake passed away in 2014. I miss them both greatly: 


We used to poke fun at Jake about how big of a cat he was and how much he loved to eat. I saw this painting this week and it reminded me of him. Gave me a chuckle. 


3. The boys came over fora  double sleep over last weekend and I snapped this pic when they were sleeping. I thought it was cute. 

They were laying together. So cute!!
4. My oldest son Cody is coming for a week long visit this coming weekend. Its a crazy time in his life and mine right now but we're gonna make the juggle and make it work. I'm looking forward to seeing him again. Hopefully he will let me snap a few pics this time. In six short months he will turn 18 years old. So trippy to think that!!

5. There's a lot going on in STAR TREK world lately. What with the new show "Discovery" and now reportedly a Khan mini-series. To be honest, neither has me excited. Discovery was promised to be set 10 years before the events of Kirk/Spock prime (not JJ Abrams-verse) and yet the costumes, designs, etc look like JJ Abrams-verse. Plus there's Harry Mudd, being played by a 50 year old Rain Wilson, when in according to the timeline, Mudd would be in his 20s. Also meeting species before the Kirk timeline, like Tribbles... It just sounds like they are taking Trek-isms and throwing them together for a mish-mash of Trekking, with modern storytelling tropes of explosions and crew members hating each other. I'm not excited for it. And now the Khan series: It might be cool, but it has already been covered in a great book series and comic series. If you can improve on that, I don't know. But most importantly: WHY? Sometimes you don't need to see every nook and cranny of a universe. The story in your head can be just as great, if not better. Sometimes when we are shown in a cannon form how something unfolded, we get disappointed. I so wish they would just make a post-TNG/VOY/DS9 show and move forward that way. This isn't grandpa complaining... this is just story writing preference 101 talking. It would be as if I were to make a TV show based on football of the past, give them new, modern uniforms and robotic balls n'shit, and said it takes place before the first superbowl. Some football fans would be like, "wait a minute!!" Just saying. And yes, I'll give it a few episodes of a try. But I'm not excited about it.

5.5 But what I am excited about is Seth McFarlane's THE ORVILLE. Looks like a Galaxy Quest TV show and I'm sure will be a post-post-modern deconstructionist view on sci-fi TV show-isms. We'll see if it has legs to last that long with that, but so far what I see... I'm excited for that rather than Trek. So that says something.

6. I know you are probably curious as to how my comics are coming along. I'm busy assembling the Erotic Zone GN and that will go up on Kickstarter hopefully in August. I'm finishing it up now. Bare with me. I just had to juggle a weird schedule for a while and it took me a long time to catch up with sleep and life around it. But my training is done and I've tapped into the overtime hours. I even had to give up my Saturday off this week for some OT. That's okay. Its all for a greater good. But life priorities must come first before play. Bare with me.

7. On my MORNING SHOW PODCAST I started a new segment called "Does it hold up," where I revist old favorite movies I haven't seen in decades and ask essential questions wondering if the movie holds up or not. Also we are fast approaching episode 500 of the podcast. The contest now for the show is: EMAIL ME a question (or several) that I can read and answer on the air and you get entered into a drawing to win three hand drawn art pages from my comics! Contest ends just before I record episode 500, which is coming very soon! I think I got like 14 left to go. And those come quick! Act now and win stuff!!

I guess that is all that is on my mind currently. Have a great week my friends. Go do great things for yourself and others. Make it happen!

--T