Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Roller Coaster

Another deep post. Not super uplifting, so be warned. 
Just in another one of my turns downward. I've been riding a high the last couple weeks while even deflecting some BS in my life. But I've been proud of myself because I have been handling things well. I've stayed productive and been there for others who needed me. I felt like that would be enough but it wasn't. Yesterday I fell hard again into the depression. The endless roller coaster of up and down. I hate it, believe me. 
When that happens, I either want to get super vocal and turn it into something. (Art, podcast, comic, writing, etc.) Or I get very very very quiet. I want to disconnect. And since one of the major things to lead me to the depression was the ever enduring battle of the goddamn mother fucking piece of shit Facebook addiction (Which I thought I had licked btw), I decided its time to end the bullshit. I put out an announcement on the platform saying "yes, this is one of those I'M LEAVING FACEBOOK posts." I figured I owed it to people who do care and look at my online presence there as a sort of light in their day. I certainly am not seeking attention by posting something like that. Not in a "poor me, please console me" kind of way. Just in a "hey, this isn't healthy for me anymore so if you want to follow me elsewhere, here is where" kind of way. If they care enough, they will seek me out. I'm not hard to find. I gotta quit paying attention to the numbers and base my "worth" on those things.

The reasons are various and I won't go into them. Doesn't matter. Point is, that it is causing me to stumble and it needs to be tossed away. I can already hear my brain say "but what about this or that person, or this group or this band?" I just gotta stop listening to it. I can follow whatever band or person at another site. I can get my news elsewhere. Just gotta disconnect. Gotta stop the anger there. Its like putting your finger in the hole in the dam. It will work for now. 
I got anger. Deep rooted anger. Some of it got messed with this week. Various sources. I need to feel free to write about it and turn it into something. That is how I deal with things. I mean, my comic PLEASANT LIFE started out about my feelings about my mom's death. Its therapy for me. And I need therapy. I cannot afford it now that my insurance has changed, I gotta start paying on my college loans now after deferring them for almost 15 years and soon my child support will be rising. Seems like for every step I start to get ahead, I get taken back 9 more. Likely I will never get ahead and have it all fixed. Something always pulls me back. 
But that's okay. That is life. So it goes. "It is what it is and whatever," as the RUSH song says (The Garden). I deal with it. 
Things aren't bad. I am blessed in this life. I just confirmed plans to have all three of my boys in the same place on Christmas Day! For me, that is a miracle. I am so looking forward to watching them and my fiancee open their presents together. Then I get to watch them to eat a big meal I will cook. My family. My life. Its my treat for getting through the rough times. It makes it so worth it and it keeps me going. 
I'm seeing new PLEASANT LIFE pages for the first time in many years and it gets me so excited to see it finished. I'm also dreaming of what STARSLAM and the DEFENDERS OF EARTH are doing in the meantime. And yes, ANNA in the apocalypse as well. Other things too. All of it in my brain. I want to do it. I want to see them finished and rolling. 
On the other hand, I also feel a strong urge when I am depressed to do NONE OF THE ABOVE. Just sit on the couch and actually open up the video games, DVDs and books I have acquired recently and just do those things. Maybe Netflix binge on a show I keep saying I will get to, but never have time to. Maybe focus more on my day job that I am spending 50 hours plus a week at. Get better at that. Actually retain things I learn there instead of daydreaming of what I could be doing if I were at home. Or sitting there thinking about why I am angry. (sigh)
The mind is a roller coaster. I fucking hate it. 
Been listening to SLAYER and PANTERA a lot more lately. Drown out the thoughts. Give the anger an outlet. Works sometimes. Its better than listening to something softer, because the fear that I might cry at my desk is very real. 
Some days I am a soldier, beating the things that life tosses at me. I'm a boxer, getting up and going in for another round. Other times I feel like a raw nerve or a frayed, exposed cord. Just don't mess with me. Don't talk to me. Leave it alone. Danger! Better yet, toss me in some water so it finishes itself off.

I go back to the Rocky quote of: “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”
Depression sucks. We all go through it. We all got shit life is tossing at us. Sometimes I think my load is unbearable and then I hear about someone else's and think: "That would break me." But they are still standing. Its an inspiration like no other to see that shit go down. Sometimes I get a message or email saying I've inspired someone or they know exactly how I feel. That means the world to me. Makes me feel like I can keep pushing through and be okay. Just be okay. That's what I need to do. 
I'm trying, folks. I really am trying. 
I've got this far! 
Thanks for reading and your love, support. Until next we talk, keep your head up. I'll do the same. Keep striving onward and upward. I know I always will too.
--T

Friday, November 30, 2018

PLEASANT LIFE 2 PROGRESS!

Hey friends! Its the Xmas season!


My tree is ready for the cats to destroy and then house the presents for my loved ones!

Meanwhile, I am busy making the comics still! Especially at my PATREON PAGE - Where I am doing some more erotica monthly comics and even offering my Patrons there to suggest a sexy sketch all this month that I will do as a bonus! If that is your thing, come on over and join us! It helps fund the content that I do for FREE!

But work is really ramping up on PLEASANT LIFE 2! Here are some pages I've been sharing via social media:




I have many more that I have finished. And its actually getting a lot of likes and attention via my Instagram... more than my usual postings of cats and nerdy finds and purchases. Check it out:


Usually when I post pics of my cats with the hashtags, I get some likes but never this many! To get this many on my new comic pages for a comic that is not my big ticket "money maker" feels awesome. And I gotta say working on it... it is even better than awesome. Its going better than I expected. I haven't drawn these folks in action in a long time. I didn't know what it would be like. Right now its like being on a bike again. I remember things. I am hitting the beats and angles I want. In my head I am in the scenes, putting the music in and what is being said. Its like the old days again. Drawing these guys is where I am most comfortable, to be honest. I love STARSLAM, the erotica and ANNA, but these guys... they are my first born babies. I missed them. I NEED to get this story done and told. I simply need to. Its been too long. I've neglected them. I'm letting the scenes play out and I am just going with it. Onward!

Anyway, BUSY month for me. I just finished a big card set for KISS and now I am hip deep in Patreon and PLEASANT LIFE stuff. Plus a massive amount of overtime at the day job. No rest for the wicked.  

ADAM GO CRAZY!!!
Anyway, stay safe out there my friends. Things are rolling like snowballs down the hill and I can't wait to dingle my snowballs in all of your faces! 

Later on! 
-T

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

STAR WARS AP CARDS AVAILABLE!

Hey friends!

I'm on the newest Star Wars set from TOPPS called "STAR WARS FINEST."



I do have some ARTIST PROOF Sketch Cards available from this set and others. Here they are: 


Most are from STAR WARS but a couple from WALKING DEAD. I am blowing these out at $50 each. If you are interested, EMAIL ME HERE

Hope all is well with you my friends. Stay safe on the roads with this new weather! 

--T

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Moving Forward

Had a productive day yesterday. Scanned about 36 pages of various artwork I had laying around and then digitally cleaned up all of it. I sent all 20 pages of the STARSLAM BONUS STORY to my colorist. So that is done. Finally. Whew! Guess I won't be drawing her for a while. But she is forever on my mind. Cause look what I wrote out this morning: 



Yes, I took the notes I have been accumulating in sketchbooks and on my phone notes and wrote out the outline. This includes scene breakdowns, new character descriptions, some dialog and everything. This is what I do for every comic I make. I write out notes. Sit on it. Write an outline. Sit on it. Revise. then work on it. Revise while working on it. Etc etc etc. But the first MAJOR step is done on it. I have a story completed, characters in place and its in the pipeline. 
 
Of course I have some things to finish up first. PLEASANT LIFE 2 comes first. And as you have seen in previous postings, I am well into it. I need to get this book done, folks. I mean it. You have no idea what it means for me to get that book completed. 
 
Then looking ahead, I got the DOE standalone book and STARSLAM 4. And you know what, I got a few other things in the TO DO list as well. Of course there are three written novels, another EROTIC ZONE collection, the 25th ANNIVERSARY OLD COMICS collection, the long awaited WISE INTELLIGENCE collection and yes, even ANNA POCALYPSE 2! I plan to make ANNA POCALYPSE 2 an exclusive to the Patreon and release it in spurts. I have about 60 pages done and have been sitting scanned on my harddrive waiting for colors for years now. I should finish the damn thing. I was going to abandon it but shit... why lose all that work? Why not let them folks take a look!Are you even on my Patreon??? You are missing out! 

Join my Patreon right here: http://www.patreon.com/adamtalley
 
Also for Patreon, I am about three stories ahead right now. I need to do a couple more to stay ahead and then I will be pretty happy. I also got the IDIOTHEAD MUSIC stuff I am planning and other things I am chasing the whimsy on. Now that I got the STARSLAM 3 stuff off my plate mostly, I can focus on these things. Its an exciting time! 
 
I quit Facebook in an effort to stay focused and get this shit going. I'm committed folks. I really am. Stick with me and we'll make it happen! Always moving forward! Always. 
 
--T
 
Follow my TWITTER here: https://twitter.com/ADAMTALLEY
 
Get my comics on digital download right here: https://gumroad.com/phymns
 
And Keep up with my day to day by following my Instagram right here: https://www.instagram.com/phymns/

Friday, November 16, 2018

Upside Down

Hello friends! 
Life this week has been up, then down, then up again. I'm surviving. Did 50 hours at the day job and I spent time at the table too! Good news is I got my monthly commissions inked. Just have to scan/color them. Will post live here on Patreon soon! Also I got all the STARSLAM BONUS 20 PAGE STORY all done! Just gotta scan, clean up and send to my colorist. I was trying to get ahead on the KISS cards as they are due at the end of the month. I did a big chunk at the day job but after penciling around 30 of them, I realized I drew them all upside down!!! There's a KISS logo at the top of the cards and I drew them upside down. Used to the logos on the STAR WARS sets, where the logo is at the bottom. I went on auto pilot and created more work for myself. Great! :)
I am happy to say I am three months ahead on Patreon stories, pencils and inks all done for them. I just need a couple good nights of scanning, coloring and lettering. I'm starting the new year off with a special treat for longtime fans of my stuff. 
Also, I have ramped up production on PLEASANT LIFE 2!!! I got 6 new pages all penciled and I began inks. These will add to the already 40 I had previously done. But I drew a major scene in the book today. The reunion has begun!


 
I decided to deactivate my Facebook account. Its done me no good as far as promoting what I am doing and its a MAJOR distraction with lots of headaches attached. I do miss it but I think I just need to disconnect for a while. 
Let HENRY ROLLINS say it better than I can:

With Facebook now 5 days out of my life, I am reading more. I finished Brian Posehn's FOREVER NERDY and am now reading FRANK ZAPPA's Autobiography. Its a fun read so far.  
In good news I got about 90% of my Xmas shopping done. Tomorrow as I write this, I am getting my boys for the weekend. I plan to cook a nice ham, green beans and mashed potatoes. Just spend a weekend with them relaxing and then artworking when I can. Believe me, I need both. To be productive and to relax. This week was a hell week for many reasons. But I am on the upswing and that ain't gonna change. 
So why not smile a bit? Maybe do a fashion show: 

Life is full of upside down moments. Its up to us to turn it right side up and get on with it. 
Onward. --T

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

STAN LEE

I'm sure by now the news has traveled to you folks. Stan Lee has gone to the beyond.

Everyone is sharing their memories and their love for the Stan the Man. My friend Mark had many direct dealings with him and you can read his stories and see his intimate thoughts right here: http://bigfanboy.com/wp/?p=33152

I never met Stan. I saw him a handful of times. Walking past areas I was at in Pittsburgh Con or Detroit Fanfare. Closest I got was in San Diego 2008 when he and his guards fast walked past me while I was drinking in the hotel. I was like, "Damn! The dude can move fast for 85!" He also was a participant in the LLOYD KAUFMAN ROAST that was at San Diego that year and I attended. In fact, I recorded his roast of Lloyd here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_qQMc_x0Ls

I was more of a DC COMICS guy, honestly. The only Marvel comics I got into as a kid was X-Men. It was the Jim Lee/Chris Claremont stuff. Over the last few hours I've seen a lot of people I know share their stories and personal accounts. Consensus is that Stan Lee created their childhood and they feel like they've lost their dad. I certainly can understand feeling like that. I've lost heroes along the way too, and I am sure more are to come. But just wanted to give some love to those dealing with those feelings this week. It sucks. It truly does. 95 years is a great run. And his works will live on through time.

Not bad, Stan. Thanks for inspiring the world with your ideas and your spirit. Excelsior!

Sunday, November 11, 2018

TOY SHOW RECAP

Hey friends!

Did my one and only "Appearance" show at a TOY SHOW in Okemos, MI where I mostly sold off a good chunk of some nerd stuff I had laying around. I brought all my books, some original art and things but they didn't sell at all (just like at a real comic show! Just like old times!!) But I did sell off some of my old con prints to one guy who took a nice stack. I'm just glad that my things go to a good home, you know? I don't care at this point. My focus is online stuff like Patreon and Kickstarter here. (Plus I've had a surge in online sales at GUMROAD too! Have you got my comics digitally from Gumroad? If not, consider yourself a holiday purchase right here: http://www.gumroad.com/phymns )

The show itself was well attended and full of vendors. It was really steady all morning until like 2pm. I got to catch up with a lot of old friends I had not seen in a while. I made a few new ones too. That is what I love best about the shows. See old friends, make new ones, etc. I sold off all my "big ticket" nerdy items and of course poured that money right back into collectibles I brought back home. (so it goes) But overall I had a great time! I really enjoyed being a sort of "dealer exhibitor" this time as opposed to just selling my original stuff. A lot of people saw my books and made with the "Whoa! YOU make these??" statements. It was cute. No buyers. But hey, that ain't what its about for me. I'm just glad to go out and share my nerd love with other like minded people. I had a nerdy garage sale, I suppose. I enjoyed myself. Getting out of the house for some sun once in a while is a good thing, right? Anyway, I'll gladly do it again.

Here are some pics of things I saw and got. First up my neighbor had these cool SPOCK PJs. Oh if I were a kid again...



I found this really creepy looking Spock doll that the dude sold me for cheap. Looks like he's been smoking waaaaaaaay too many cigs... (Side note: Leonard Nimoy died of COPD from his years as a smoker. So I call this COPD SPOCK. Is that wrong?)



So I scored the Spock, a couple custom STAR WARS lego figures and I got a box of TREK CAPTAINS COLLECTION cards. I pulled two autographs and bought a third of Celeste Yarnell. She just died a couple weeks ago, so I wanted to get her autograph before anything. Might have been the last thing she signed for all I know. Good to have in my collection.



I got this original HE-MAN animation cell too. It captured my imagination. Is he tossing something, or is he gonna catch something? Either way, it made me giggle.



I found this cheap TARDIS thing that I guess is a sort of jewelry case or something? I got it for my girl. She will enjoy it. (and yes, it is bigger on the inside)




I didn't do much this week besides day job work, but I did finally watch INCREDIBLES 2 with my girl. It was a fun little flick. I'm still counting down the days until I get to see CREED 2! I'm such a massive fan of the ROCKY flicks. CREED 1 was the shit. and this new one looks to be equally as good. Can't wait!!

On the art front, I am finishing up commissions this week, inking STARSLAM BONUS PAGES (which are all finally penciled and complete BTW) and I got two new Patreon stories penciled and ready to ink. Plus some new pinup stuff. TONS of things to come from me. I better get back to it!

Later gators!