FRIDAY---
McDonalds, Day TWO: Still reeling and sore from the previous day's work, I went in early and put on my backbrace that I dug out of my closet. It helped out alot. But it didn't help my feet! See, I gotta wear these crap black boots I have cause my mccrew shoes have not shown up yet! Sore I am.
Today, I was stuck on meats and could barely keep up. They do everything in "modes" now, which means you cook less, more often to help keep fresh food rolling always and helps lower waste. Nice theory. But in the GOOD OL' DAYS, we dropped a shitload and sold a shitload and we were never down! But today, I struggled cause I had to do both meats AND backwall. (for those not into McLingo, backwall is all chicken products. Fried) So, I had to constantly drop meat and backwall stuff. There were at one point FOUR people on the assembly table and I just couldn't keep up.
I gotta admit, I took it at an insult. In the old days, we always put our slow, quiet person on meats. You have to deal with them less. The Assembly table is a more prominant station to be on. And now, I, am the slow person no one wants to be around. At least, that was the way I percieved it. But once again, I came in this morning. No one said "hi." or even said "goodbye" when I left. I did my best to joke around and get people to know me. I did to a couple people. But for the most part, everyone seemed "clicky" and didn't want to know shit about me. They barked orders, used mclingo I didn't understand cause I am 7 years out of touch and it made me feel like a child.
I got home, sore as hell, two hours till I had to report to my OTHER job at the newspaper. I woke my wife up. I told her straight out.
"I can't do it. I don't have it in me anymore."
I told her all about what I was feeling, how much I hated the job and that I didn't think I'd last another week, let alone till December. She listened to me patiently, letting me vent. In retrospect, a couple hours later, I felt bad about that, unloading my troubles on her like that. I guess I do feel those things. I dunno what I was expecting. Maybe a tad bit of respect when I came back. A welcome home feeling. But I dont have that. I got nothing. I got the crap station on the job today, and couldn't keep up. Have I outgrown my old abilties? Am I too old and out of shape now? Part of me seriously considered calling up the store and quitting tonight. Turn in my uniforms tomarrow, go back to what I was doing. One job, no exercise, and laying around. I actually teared up at one point while talking to her. I was that upset about it.
But now, eight hours later... I feel something different....
What I realize now is that what I am doing is making a mistake... I cared.
I mean, those of you who have kept up with this blog will know that I've always found my newspaper job frustrating. No help, no chance for promotion and decent raise... nothing. But, I learned to change how I looked at the newspaper job. Its a vehicle to help me attain what I want... that being comics.
Look at this: I was born an artist. In the past 5 years since I did Issue One of PLEASANT HYMNS, I have gotten better. My fans notice it, reviewers notice it, my friends and family notice it, and most importantly, I NOTICE IT. I have THE OUTCAST ready to go. The relaunch and renaming of PLEASANT LIFE is going on. I have side projects like SEQUENTIAL MAYHEM and EARTHGIRL happening. I have more travels to comic cons coming up. I have upcoming reviews, websites pimping me and my stuff. I have networked all over and I have barely scratched the surface. The whole WORLD outside my crap state of Michigan has yet to learn about me and my comics. Yeah, I'm one in a million, but I know... KNOW that I will make a mark. I will be known and heard, cause I just know. Its not a "I hope I get that chance." Its.... "I KNOW." I have all these great things to look forward to!
Why the hell am I worried or whining about a fast food joint and how they treat me?
Yes, I started to do it again. I started to care. But now, I realize I don't. I don't care to be put on meats. I don't care that I am the new kid that no one wants to talk to. I don't care that I get hounded by 20 year old managers on a power trip. I just don't give a fuck. Not at all.
I work with a couple of people that I knew from another restaurant. that was five years ago. What have they done in five years? Worked at Mcdonalds. I, have released 7 ashcan comics, 3 tradebooks, 4 full comic books, 3 rock albums, millions of pieces of commissioned and hired art, traveled all over promoting myself and my work, and most importantly... met the love of my life and got married (something I NEVER thought would happen!!!)... and there is so much more to come! I got WIZARD WORLD CHICAGO in a couple months, I got my trip to JERSEY in 3 weeks, I got upcoming live concerts with IDIOTHEAD and the making of our concept album, I have OUTCAST to release, PLEASANT LIFE to relaunch..... and in 2007, I have all those cons and more, plus SAN DIEGO!!!! The mother of all comic cons!
Why worry about the fact that I didn't drop enough meat? Or that a manager or crew person doesn't like me?
I don't anymore. Thats not to say that I will be a dick and full of myself. But I will not lose my focus again. I will conquor what I need to conquor to make my dreams come true. I chose to put myself in purgatory by taking on this job at a place I hate, to fund my career. I cannot give up now.
I will lose weight by working there and exercising.
I will finish all my comic projects to launch them all by year end.
I will save money for 2007 travels, comic printing and comic cons.
I will improve my life and art.
I will not take my bad days out on my wife by dumping my emotional baggage on her.
and..... I will not lose my focus ever again.
Its just a ride. Just a vehicle man. Just a way to make my life.... my REAL life happen.
So, McFuck it! I'm sorry I went off. I'm sorry I was moody. But no more. I lost my focus, but now, thats fixed. When and if a manager nails me on procedures, making more than two sandwiches at a time, shirt not tucked in, name tag missing... whatever. Its all bullshit compared to MY big picture.
My flame is lit. Thanks for reading my rant. I'm back on track baby.
T
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