This past week has been something. Chock full of conflicting emotions. At one point, angry for what happened with my job situation. Another, beating myself up for not being able to do all my comic plans for the year (again) and not being able to sustain myself financially with my work-all the way down to feeling like a mediocre hack artist again. Then extreme happiness with the kids and the wife. Then extreme impatience cause nothing I’ve applied for has called be back, nor have I heard shit about what and how I am getting unemployment. What is it gonna be? Is it going to be enough? Should I cancel all my comic travel plans and printing plans now or wait and see? Should I just give up altogether? Should I go back to mcdonalds and try not to swallow a bullet? What should I do with all these dirty diapers? Does my wife think less of me?
It’s just been a rollercoaster. I’m like that. Striks and gutters. Ups and downs. I started a podcast and had Shane on. This week, I’m gonna do another and have another pal on. I’m still taking part of the other podcasts. Just trying to stay sane, keep up, etc. I’m hanging on. I am confident that things will come together and this boat will right itself. I certainly ain’t gonna give up or surrender to the hate. I still got health, I still got a loving family. Very supportive and understanding. I got a baby at home that smiles everytime I look at him. He loves me. I got a son who this past week came up and spent a couple days with me and we played video games for two days straight, taking my mind off of things. I got music blasting in my ears as I try to finish these word balloons.
I did some drawing too. Some sketch card submissions. Hey, why not. I’ll try it again. I’m too stupid to give up.
Everything is up in the air and that’s the position I hate the most. But thinking back to the past few months… deep down I am better now that I don’t have that sinking feeling going to a job I hate and hate myself for going to. A job that fucked me in the ass when I wasn’t looking. Something that FATE kicked me out of. But the fact is Michigan has the highest unemployment rate at 11.8%. (Thanks for adding to that Granholm!) and there are families in more desperate need than we are. Like in Elkhart, IN yesterday it was reported that the unemployment rate is at 19%. Wow! Its just the times right now. I shouldn’t get into my own “great depression” about it… especially when I know things will be okay.
I’ll tell you all certainly this: I do not miss or wish I hadn’t been fired from that porn shop. I’m glad to be gone and if they offered me my job back, I wouldn’t take it. I’m happier without it. I just wish I coulda had a plan when shit hit the fan and I got canned….I hit the ground running, almost tripping. But I haven’t fallen yet.
Update: Today in the mail I got an unemployment package. I put a resume online to the site that requires it. I got an appoinment at Michigan Works tomorrow. My friends are looking out for me. My pal Tim sent me a couple leads on advertising/graphics jobs, which I applied for. Another friend has been letting me know when they saw NOW HIRING signs up around town. So I got a lot of well-wishers. Much appreciated. The way I see it going down now is one of three ways: 1-I get unemployment by Monday. 2-One of the jobs I applied for hires me 3-On Tuesday, I go to McDonalds open interviews. So either way, but Tuesday hopefully, I will be back on track. Wish me luck that its actually something GOOD for me. I’m putting it in fate’s hands.
I did get some work done yesterday and that made me feel good. I did almost all of the word balloons left on WISE (as of now, I got 3 pages left). I also did some more sketching and then I started a STUDIO CHATTER podcast and worked on touching up OUTCAST art so I can start scanning it and word ballooning it. After doubting myself this past week, and re-looking at that art that I did… I am confident again that I am on the right path with my career. This art is just… it’s the best I’ve done. So coupled with the best stuff I’ve written with the new PLEASANT LIFE trade that’s coming, and this new OUTCAST art, I just think I am at the top of my game so much that for me to start hating myself and doubting myself is stupid. I guess I needed to be reminded of that.
So today, I got an appointment at Michigan Works. Then I will finish WISE balloons once and for all. Then I am doing a couple more pieces for that and my involvement with WISE is done for now. Then finish touching up OUTCAST pages and then finish sketch card submissions. That’s my plan for today.
I’m gonna go rock it. Thanks to everyone out there who is helping me out. I appreciate it. We’ll get out of this hole. We’ll get there.
T
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