Talking about the now.

Everyone is asleep in the house and I feel like talking. So you get to hear it. I got some things on my mind lately. Mainly about the stuff I do.

--I think its insane how much negativity there is about everything in the creative/pop culture field. Especially around comics, movies, video games, etc. We hate things before they become a reality or even are seen by anyone. Just the concept of an action alone before it is experienced is judged, executed and swept away before even experienced. It is people that do this that I am finding it harder to listen to or follow. Also to those who constantly bring up the drama of the world and argue it. Fight, Fight, Fight! The age of the internet has given us all a voice and we all choose to say what we think, when we think it and HOW DARE anyone tell me what I can and cannot say about a thing! I just tire of the fight. I tire of the drama.

Take for example my field: Comics. Its a wonderful, WONDERFUL thing. I get to dream, write, draw, color, publish and totally create a thing and have it experienced. Complete and free of all chains that would hold it. I can say and do anything with it. It is wonderful process! I don't care if its in the stores only, or only digital, or only gets read by one person. Point is, I did it. I published it. I made it. I made something for someone else, without the desire of success or fear of failure with it. There is nothing to argue. No point to ram into anyone. I get to also work on properties that are not mine. And I do feel a bit of pressure to stand tall among my peers and do as good a job as they do. But certainly not a to compete with others. I do it cause its fun and a nice break from my norm. I feel honored to have been appreciated enough and "chosen" to do it. And I bring my all to it. There is no need to bicker, argue or fight over any aspect of it. It is done for the pure fun of it and I love doing it. I am honored to contribute to the history of things I like, even if its in a very small part. That's enough for me.

I just feel that sometimes people have the tendency to focus on the mundane aspects to the creative process or the external things that they think are important to its perception. None of this is needed. While you are arguing or constantly bringing up the mud, others are head down, focused on just doing. Doing. Doing. Doing. They care not about your view or who will emerge from the smoke after the fire. They will just be there and ready. They got the eye of the tiger and they are hungry! So should we all. Keep working. Keep doing. Focus on your back porch. All else is verbal jerking off. Just cause we have a voice doesn't mean we should use it 24/7. Sparingly. Tactfully. Respectfully. Meanwhile, do your thing. Shine. Make your stuff. Do it for YOU. Not for the reviews, the sales, to make your peers jealous. Do it cause its you. Believe me, you will be a lot happier. Get it done.

--I am not doing any shows this year. Let that sink in. A few years ago, I had so much focus on wanting to do as many shows as possible. And each time, I broke even. I barely made money. I shifted game plans to include prints of characters not my own in order to stay afloat and it worked. I made money. And I was starting to get known. While I am flattered that people enjoy my takes on their favorite characters, it really is a double edged sword. It isn't MY stuff you are liking. I never understood how someone wouldn't spend $10 on a book that I conceived, wrote, penciled/inked/colored and published all myself, with over a thousand drawings in it. But they would buy a matted print of a character millions of people have drawn and millions will after me, just cause they like that character. On one hand, I embrace that. But on the other, I am puzzled by it. When I go to an artist of any sort, I go to them because I seek their own unique vision. I want the world according to them. I've twisted my thinking to say that conventions were general celebrations of pop culture in general, but it wasn't the "meat" of what was at the core, me and my work. Only a few got it. Only a few would pursue it for everyone. And to those that got it, I still have them. I care closely for them. So I choose to instead focus on going to the traveling carnivals selling things everyone else has, to focus solely on production. To keep working. Making things and keep rolling and rolling. I cannot do that if I can concerned about buying a table banner, print reprinting and so on. I want to sell my stories and my art. The best way to pursue that currently is online. The internet is the best comic book convention there is. I am here 24/7. Always available for anyone that walks up and wants to read. Or wants some art for themselves. Etc. And I intend to make it a lot easier for you to be entertained by me very soon with a free adult webcomic site that will knock your socks off. But I cannot do those things if I am putting my focus elsewhere.

So this year, no shows. Only HEROES CON, and right now, I am on a waiting list for a table. But if we do not get in, I am still going as a fan. Because I am a fan. And I have many friends there I only get to see once in a while. I will see them and rock out with my cock out. I used to think not doing shows was failing. But I think it opposite now. I am constantly at my table here on the internet. Its time to focus on making THAT table, stand out more than I have. thats not to say I am retiring from shows, because I still enjoy going as a fan and seeing my friends and being a part of the whole thing. But I am not as focused right now on the dog and pony show that is the Convention circuit. Right now. Right now. I am sure as things roll and production comes to publication, I will want to roll out and do a tour. Consider this, my "studio time." The band is in the studio recording a triple album with a live dvd, book and coming 10 disc box set retrospective. Thats where I am at. And believe me, I've never been more productive and happier. Its time for my SGT. PEPPERS studio session. No way have I tapped out or peaked. Or as my old motto went: "You have my dreams and you ain't seen nuthin' yet!"

--I feel a basic maturity coming in my head. I see things from different perspectives now. I remember when the wife and I got a couple hundred each to blow, what we would do. We'd go out and blow it on all sorts of shit and then eventually pawn it off to pay a bill. Now? I pay bills. I spend it on taking my family out to lunch or to the zoo. I get the bots something to play with. I get my oldest kid a new game or I save up for him to come here for a week. I just love that part of my life now. Maturity? Maybe. I call it adjusting to the waves of life. But I certainly not suppressing anything that I want or desire. I desire simply to be around them and happy. And its working.

--Lastly, I want to do a shout out to the most important person in this whole process: My wife. I am in awe of what she has done for me over the years. She lives her life and works hard so we can stay afloat. And I honor her by letting her be and do whatever the fuck she wants. No way do I try to suppress her ever. Cause she doesn't do that to me. She lets me handle the day to day (even though I slack on it or might not "hop to it" as quick as she deems necessary at times!), and she lets me dream. She has recognized that she married a person who must work hard to achieve those dreams and maintain the dream to live. And maintain it, I have. And I am glad now that after all those years of faith that I can show her my progress and success that is finally rolling in. Whenever I get offered a new commission or a paid gig, she is the first person I call to tell. Because I want her to know that her faith in me and her efforts have not been in vain. There is a point in any creative venture of uncertainty. You hear about bands that lived in vans and drove to each gig and lived on bologna for months to "make it." And its that way in any creative field. Creative fields are the hardest to live because there is no security and no certainty. But in the end, they are the most rewarding. So when the lightening strikes and the smoke clears and the work done is pure and without a fear of failure or desire of succeeding, the possibilities are endless and the rewards are grand. And I have her to thank. My audience of one. I do it for her. To prove I can and to show her that her faith in me will never fall upon deaf ears. I am forever grateful for that. She's the best thing that ever happened to a schmuck like me.

--I got two new fish today. spotted dalmation mollies. They are the fucking shit! No matter how much stress this fish tank has gave me over the last month, it all goes away when I watch them swim.

--Lastly, I said this on Twitter and FB and will repeat it here.... "Want to enjoy your life? Want to get out of your rut and change and be what you want to be? Life comes down to this simple phase: NEVER allow ANYONE to tell you two things: Who you are and what you are worth."

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.

T