Hey folks. No business this time, just a random update. How are you all doing? I'm doing okay. Drifting through days, trying to recooperate from everything going on.
The wife spent some time in the hospital this last week. Her issues with anxiety have now sort of developed into her falling into severe and body distrupting migranes. We're learning a lot about brain chemestry that I never knew occurred. When I have stress, anger or depression, I have my outlets. Like podcasting or writing something in my sketchbook. (believe me, there's some dark shit in there!) I always felt like I could control it and let it out before the beast comes out. We all carry one. Lately mine has been emerging more and more. Mostly due to kid stress, things being tight financially and other things. Lately I've realized how shut in I feel, and how boxed in I am in my home somtimes. I taught my son how to use the computer. Which is great for him, but very bad for me. The time during the day where I could be on my computer getting things done is now gone. He monopolizes my office from 6am-9pm. I am just stuck on the couch on my phone. Drawing out there is impossible because little James takes my pens, gets into things, etc. I can't get a rhythm. I can't get a routine going.
I find that I miss talking to other people too. The wife works and then comes home exhausted. She's answering texts from her co-workers all day. We don't get to get out together due to money being tight. Our dreams of owning a house, set up the way we want, seems further and further away.
Thats why I have a job interview today. I have had it scheduled for a while now. Its been dancing in my head. This is a DREAM JOB for me. A DREAM opportunity. Its also a return to a very happy time in my life. Sure, its not the same place, or the same people. But the job itself is the same. I'm totally scared about it. I am afraid of appearing too old or out of shape to do the job. Like the world just won't let me in, no matter how much I am dedicated to wanting it. I NEED this job. For health. For money. For memories. For sanity. If I don't get it, I am probably stuck finding something working 7pm-3am for peanuts. I could do it, sure. But the feeling of uselessness will set in. At this job, I would feel something that I used to feel in the old days: That I made a difference. That means a lot to me when I go to bed at night. Did I do a good job? Did I use my day good enough? Did I impact someone's life in a positive way?
Come what may, I will deal with it. But I am nervous. I have asked the universe for a favor and I am hoping it says "yes." A Yes is rare in my life lately. I am just always waiting. Waiting for a surprise art gig to come in. Waiting for the checks to arrive. Waiting for the client to pay. Waiting for the kids to go to bed so I can get to work.
Although, on the art front, I got a major yes this week. I got invited on a major card set. Big stuff. I can't say what it is but I am working on them now. I'm blown away by it. You'll be blown away by it, trust me. I'm taking pictures of the cards cause when its revealed, you'll wanna see em. Its an honor to be trusted with these type of cards. Here, I thought I was out of the gig and they didn't want me anymore. But apparently not! I'm grateful for that. I get to play in the sandbox of a universe of characters I love once again. (thats all I'll say)
I am doing a few small commissions for friends and I appreciate the scratch. I'm paying the bills that I can pay. I am doing a pinup or two for a couple books that are not my own. It keeps me going. Because I haven't got too far in working on my own stuff yet. No rhythm. No time. No routine. I'm just on autopilot. But head still above water. Excited for when these things will be done. This year has really come out swinging at me to knock me down. I feel like a weeble wobble, trying like hell to stand up against its blows. But I'm still here. I'm still standing. Now I just gotta get the green light to take off and soar.
Here's to hoping!
T
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