I lost a dear friend yesterday. We met at my new job. And he welcomed me into his circle. He was someone I had gotten close with. Someone I've only known less than a year. And he's gone. A goddamn car accident.
All I can think about is how good of a person he was. How dedicated he was to his wife and family. How both his kids and his wife of 16 years will get along in this life without him. How his childhood friend will cope with him being gone. How our co-workers and friends there will deal with it. My thoughts certainly aren't on myself and my grief.
For me, tomorrow I will have to walk into work and stare at his empty desk. The thought of that alone just absolutely kills me. Caleb made a positive impact on everyone he knew, no matter how small the interaction. He was kind to everyone. I never once heard him be a dick to anyone. In today's world, that's a rare thing to behold.
When we met I was coming from my old broken life. I didn't fit in anywhere. But he let me into his world. I met his friends and family. We went to shows together. We texted all the time. And I valued going into work a few minutes early just to get five minutes a day to catch up with him and crack a few jokes. We made plans to go on trips later this year. All of us new friends. They let me into their circle and gave me a new "home." Last weekend I helped him and his family move stuff onto a truck so they could move into their new home they just bought. He took the week off of work to celebrate their new home. And to celebrate his wedding anniversary.
They only got one week together. And as we drove away from moving all that stuff, I wish I woulda turned back and gave him a hug. If only I knew it was the last time I would ever see him. Sometimes you never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.
People enter our lives for a reason. I truly feel that. And I've certainly lost people in this life. We try hard to gather some sort of lesson or "reason" for their loss. On this, I cannot find it. Not yet. I cannot fathom some sort of divine plan that leaves someone without their loved one and two great kids to grow up without their father.
But I cannot think that way. I do know that he believed in a God. And he wouldn't want me to curse his name, even on his behalf. So I have to, for his sake, think about what can be done now.
This will never be fixed. Its a gaping wound in all of our lives that will not heal. But we will learn to carry him with us. I know I will never forget my dear friend. And I will always think about how I can be more like he was. He was a good, good, good man. If I am gutted after only knowing him 11 months, that is a testament to who he was as a person.
If you have a friend or loved one in your life who you haven't called in a while... do it. Go there. Tell them how much they mean to you. Give them a hug. A message. Let them know that you are thinking about them. Because you never know what is coming around the corner.
Death leaves a heartache that no one can heal. But love leaves a memory that no one can steal.
I share some pics of me and my friend. Rest in peace my brother. I love you. And the next time I'm at a show, we're going to pour you a glass. You'll always be with us. And we will carry your good nature and strength with us always. I was honored to know you.
I recorded some audio giving my memories and thoughts on my new podcast. Its a tough one, understandably. But if you want to know more about Caleb and what he meant to me, you can listen HERE
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