Deadbeat Dads Unite! - And other stuff

I saw this article today and I fell in love with it. Its exactly what I needed to read lately.

Our family is a little different and I feel like I constantly have to explain it, because its not "the norm" for some people. The decisions we've made as parents seems to be always under scrutiny, in favor of what people THINK we should be doing with our lives. Mostly it comes from our day jobs. I've had jobs where co-workers got mad at me for not wanting to get a babysitter for my kid so that I can work more. Or their solution is to put them in day care like everyone else. I am looked upon negatively for that choice sometimes. But really, they don't have a fucking clue about my life. We chose as parents to not let someone else raise our kids but us. Not that I have a problem with people who do, its just how WE chose to do it. And it works out better that way.

See, both of our parents are elderly and live far away. So they cannot babysit. Nor would I want to put the burden of a toddler on their hands, even as much as they say they want to do it. Hell, I get tired out from bots alone! My closest sibling is an hour and change north of me, and he's got weird hours and his own thing going. So that is out. Nor would I toss the burden of a kid onto them anyway. Theirs are almost grown up and gone! So using family as sitters is not an option for us.

Second, daycare. We've thought about it, but honestly, its a waste of time. I figure I could put the kid in day care. But the extra money I'd get from the more hours I'd pick up would just go to pay for his day care. So whats the point of working more if I get nothing out of it? Plus who knows if they are teaching him anything or what they are doing to him when I am not there! I don't trust anyone as far as I can throw them when it comes to my kids. There are way to many sickos out there, folks. Way too many. Now, there have been a few nights were I've let trusted friends watch the bots and that is fine. But it was a situation where I knew he'd be the least amount of trouble to someone. Again, the last thing I want to do is burden anyone with my kid. I never, ever want to do that. (and before you think it, I am not calling my kids a "burden." They aren't that to me, okay? So get offa that shit! But I recognize to some it could be perceived that way. Thats why I use that broad statement. Okay? Kay.)

SO: We are left with some truths. The wife has a great job and gets paid great money. I however throughout the years have become a jaded person who tires quickly of the corporate world and tends to speak his mind when it calls for it. Too often in my past I kept my mouth shut and it got me no where. Now I feel like standing up for myself and the rights of others. I play my cards right and get the upper hand. I constantly look around me to see how and if I could get fucked with. Its just the world we live in now. Gone are the days of the mom and pop stores and fun working environment with a laid back atmosphere where you loved and respected your co-workers and upper level bosses and you wanted to impress them and they felt like "family." Now its all down to the fact that you are easily replaceable and they will threaten to kick you out on your ass if you don't push the button right and wear what they say you should wear and do what they tell you to do. (As Carlin once said, 'I saw old footage of people who made people do that sort of thing. But it was hard to understand because the narration was in German!') I feel like I've developed this outlook that just sees the bigger picture of the world and I don't make my job the totalization of who I am as a person. Some do, and thats great. But it isn't for ME. A job is just something I have to do to help get cash to do the things I really want to do. Its a necessary thing. A means to an end.

So I work a part time job around my wife's hours. And the jobs I've had since then don't like that they have to dance around it, but its the gig I was hired for. And its worked so far. But I know there will come a time when the shoe will drop and I will be out on my ass. I've expected it because the corporate world doesn't want to cater to your individual needs. They don't give a fuck about parenting. Just that a person is there to push the button when they want it done. I could care less anymore. I checked out of trying to live that life a long time ago. It still creeps into me, like I should care, but I don't. I've seen too much time and time again how unimportant it is and how I tried to make it more than it was. I lost each time. Instead I focus on my three real jobs: 1-Being a father 2-Being a good husband 3-Being an artist. I went to college for it. I got my degree in it. Art is my job. Its a tough job. But I am getting to the point where steady cash is coming in and it feels good. So it is not out of the realm of possibility that soon I will be a full time at home dad. I will leave the corporate work world behind for good and focus on being a great dad and husband and hopefully, a better artist.

But with that comes the sting of societial mores that I would be a "deadbeat" if I wasn't the bread winner of the family. And it gets to me. I've felt the urge to try to find something in my field that pays a fuck load and I could secure our future heartily. (I keep looking but they are not hiring) But those who have done that, are never home. They have no family life. Its just work. And it got them no where. Take for example my father. He was a God among people when he worked. For years he was a drilling superintendent in the oil field. His name meant something. Companies fought to get him to work for them. He was all business. But he was always gone for days at a time and I rarely saw him when I was a kid. Years later, he caught his boss stealing money from the company and was fired in disgrace before he could call him on it. None of those he used to work for talk to him anymore. He lost friends of out it. His health is fucked from the years of backbreaking labor he had done for them and they made their money. Meanwhile, his kids barely saw him and now he's paying for it. I know he regrets all of that and if he could go back and change it, he would. I don't want to be like him. I'd rather live check to check then to not have my kids grow up with us in their life only in passing. Fuck that. FUUUUCCCKKKK THAT! The dude in this article says: "My in-laws think I'm a bum and I'm fine because I worked, already had a career," he said. "And I say, 'I am working. If it were reversed, would you say your daughter is a bum?' I'm a great father. Try to respect that." And yes, I did work. I had 3 jobs sometimes at one point, plus college! But now I have a greater calling: To mold a life and keep a household running. Its the most important job there is.

I do feel guilty and grateful for my wife's loving support for me and how we've chosen how to do this. She's just better at that stuff than me. I can't do it anymore. And she sees the progress I've made with my art as well and she hopefully knows that she made the right decision to trust me that I'd get there. Every time I get a new gig, she's the first person I call because I want her to be proud of me and know she did make the right choice. She could have easily pressured me to settle. She could have easily guilt tripped me into "working a job we both hate, to buy shit we don't NEED (Tyler Durden)." But we chose a different path. We chose to be better parents. Its our way and its our only way. So I have no problem doing dishes, laundry, getting up with the kids and teaching them their numbers and all that. I am very happy to do that. Being a dad is the best job in the fucking world, folks. And I am not great at it, but I am getting there. And there's nothing else I'd rather do. I'll always be here for my kids and my wife. And after that, I'll be here for you too. You keep reading, I'll keep making. And in doing these things, I've cultivated the best thing ever: Being happy!

"“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― John Lennon

Much love to my droogies!

T