The above painting describes my brain today. This past week has been a crazy one. My first full week of unemployment (both day job and artwork related). Nothing has come in. Not any new work, nor payment for work I did MONTHS ago. In fact, I am chasing down about $1300 owed me right now. All editors and accounting offices giving me the heave-ho and excuse #8437-9042.
I have applied for various online jobs, put adverts in forums and other commission generating places, made my online store front and center on the site, updated website buttons and put the word out on various online media about my availability. I've applied for unemployment and other such assistance. I've talked with other artists that are experiencing the same down time as well. No complaints. It happens. Such is the life of the freelancer. Its something I will have to get used to. I was used to the pad of security of the day job to fall back on to feed my family. Now it all revolves around me.
I think the stress of the week prior has derailed me quite nicely. I did do some artwork though. Its up at the two deviantart sites. I colored some Starslam strips. I wrote about 10 pages on the adult book store novel. And I put together about 22 pages on the 20 year artbook collection. I'm fighting through it!
I think the major distraction was a loss of a 20 year friendship that I never saw coming. Its so damaging in fact, that its derailed some of my future plans when it comes to my work. This is because it involves someone who I based a comic book character on. THUS, it ruins my chances to reprint the book in which this character appears, for fear of retaliation. So I've had to wrestle with basically losing a friend, but also a project which I worked for 10 years on and it was closest to my heart. At this point, the book is dead. I cannot reprint it. I cannot make money off something I worked so hard on over the years.
No matter. I have many other ideas. There's Anna, Starslam, the artbook, the two novels, various freelance work, commissions and sketchcards, etc to keep me sane. Thank the lords for that. But no, I've just felt a bit lost lately. Last night I had horrible stomach pain too. Maybe its all caught up with me. I'm tired more often and I just cannot focus as well as I could a month ago. Its like I'm on the ropes or something, ready to fall down for the count.
But what is it the great Rocky Balboa said, and I quote it a lot in this blog every so often? "Its not how hard you hit, its how hard you can GET hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" Yeah. You got it Rocko. I know this. Just gotta keep in there and keep in the game.
I think the feeling would be easier on me if these clients that owe me paid up already. I'm gonna start hounding them daily. I'm gonna start getting loud. I'm gonna start talking. They ain't gonna like me! HA! But ya know, my kids need food and thats what I am gonna do to make sure they get it. Anyway, I don't want this to seem like a sad blog or anything. Its far from it. I'm doing what I gotta do, and thats what this is all about. The seeds are planted. And any day now we'll see the growth. At least I'm trying!
Anyway, lately I've been re-watching SPACED on Netflix. Still trying to go through all the TREK DS9 seasons as well. I got the first Batman (Snyder/Capullo) tradebook to inspire me artistically. Been re-reading PREACHER too, as I do once a year since it ended. Just keeping happy and inspired. Just gotta keep rockin and doing my thang.
Thanks for checking back folks. I think today I'm gonna work on some new Starslam strips and some nudie girl cards. Why the hell not, eh? No boss over my shoulder to tell me NO eh? ;)
Cheers, T
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