First, the snow came and buried us in 14" of it, with high drifts right outside my front door:
Its been nutty and crazy with snow here. I've barely left the house.... except for an unexpected trip to southern Indiana.
Some of you know, who follow my Twitter or Facebook that this week, my dad collapsed and had an unexpected heart attack. I detailed the entire thing on my recent IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW PODCAST, but a quick recap:
My dad has been sick for the last 4 weeks. Turns out it was Pneumonia. So with the complications of that, his organs were affected and that developed into Sepsis, which if you know, is a major infection in the blood. It damages all organs and causes all sorts of problems. Well, we think that lead into him having a heart attack. I got the call that he was taken to a small hospital in southern Illinois and then helicoptered to the far larger and more capable hospital in Evansville, In. In addition to all of this, he had a collapsed lung and other complications. They induced a coma and put him on all sorts of meds and breathing tubes so he could fight the infection before they even worried about what to do with the heart. (All of this fell on his 69th birthday BTW) Most of my family is down in that area but I felt like I should go down myself. I sold some Blu-rays and got some gas money wired to me from my in-laws and I headed down. The (supposed to be) 7 hour drive was treacherous and definitely dangerous. Ice, snow, winds, crazy drivers. It made the trip take 10.5 hours down. I got to the hospital and most of my other siblings were there. We barely get to see each other. We enjoyed each other's company, very much. It was a nice welcome distraction to reunite, swap stories and keep our minds off the man in the ICU who we were all worried about. But through my very brief visit, I just knew he would be okay. I comforted my step mom, tried to just be there for her and see my dad when I could. I couldn't stay long, before I had to make the long drive back. I am glad I went but it was an insane headache of a drive there and back. It was even worse going home, with strong snow and ice. But I made it back safe, 10 hours of a drive. It was very scary and at times, life threatening. But I had to do it. He would do the same for me.....and has.
I talked to my step mom yesterday and he's awake now. He's talking but he is sort of out of it. There is a possibility of some memory loss, even slight demensia. I've thought that for a while, because he's said and done some little things that just didn't make sense. And the sepsis has caused all sorts of problems with his various organs. His heart still needs to be looked at to assess the damage. Also they say something is wrong with his kidneys. He will need weeks of physical, mental and other types of therapy. So much so, that they are likely going to have to put him in a nursing home when (and a slight if) he recovers fully.
To me, there is no greater fright than the thought of losing one's mind. To watch someone wither away and become a shell of who they were. I saw it slightly when mom died. Toward the end she forgot our names, and other things like that. My dad has always been extremely strong willed and a real "John Wayne" type. I am not looking forward to seeing him like he might become. But I will have to be there for him, as we all will. His life is going to be turned upside down and things will be completely different. Its a time that I knew one day would possibly come, but to be honest, I am not quite prepared for. There are a lot of unknowns. I am hoping that by some miracle he returns to normal and things will be okay. It might happen. Or this might be the beginning of a downward spiral of watching him wither away. I'm trying not to over think about the situation and just take what comes. Watching someone you love become someone other than themselves and watching them become so vulnerable is one of the hardest things anyone will have to endure in this life. But it is in all of our paths. This is a part of living this life and I have to accept it. But no matter what, keep fighting. Keep moving forward.
One of the amazing things throughout this process for me has been not only being able to reconnect with my older siblings, (and finally, I feel, at their level) but also the tremendous outpouring of love, support, phone calls, messages and emails I have got from my dear friends. Every Facebook message and "like" to every phone call I have got demonstrates to me that there are people out there that do indeed care and I appreciate it. My family sees it as well. We appreciate the thoughts and everything else you are doing for him and us. I cannot type the words to fit the feeling of what it means to me.
For now, I am back home to the frozen tundra of Michigan. The rain has come and the sun is out today. The snow has begun to melt. It might come back in shades here and there, but it will be gone soon. There are great days to look forward to. Great work to be done. Even today I was sketching a bit on Starslam pages to just get back to work. Keep my mind going and follow the momentum I have now. I will not let the depression seep in. I just can't. There's a ton of family drama that goes along with this and some things will have to be dealt with. But for now, I just have to stay focused on the work. Keep living. Keep breathing. Keep going. We have hope on our side. And I'll take it.
Thanks everyone.
T
No comments:
Post a Comment