Its Going to be Okay

I hugged Doug Stanhope.

Let me start at the beginning...

This week sucked. Busy at the day job. House is a mess. Cannot find a rhythm to get some writing or artworking done. I piled more on the TO DO list than anything. I didn't sleep all that well, nor eat better... And My girl and I went through a two day fight.

All of these things are not unique. They happen in everyone's lives. But the way I've been rolling lately, I feel like I'm limping in circles. Going nowhere really damn fast. Barely awake and conscious anymore. I'm stressed and just mentally fucked. You check the news and everyday some insane shit is going down. Just absolutely insane. I get so worked up about it, and there's nothing I can do about it. My girl is frustrated too with her job and other things. We are all we have and so we sometimes take it out on each other, without realizing it. We've been through so much together and so quickly. She helps me through my shit and I try to help her with hers. But my shit seems so big, that I sometimes cannot look past it to see anyone else needing me.

Everytime issues come up in my life, I do this spiral. Where nothing is good, everything sucks and I'll never get out of the shit that holds me back. I think about just giving up. You know, the scary thoughts. I could never do it. Never. But I sure love to think about it. 

I am a depressed person. I have so many things holding me down and back. I can easily write down a list of the things I want and I'd say if I just had these things, I'd finally be happy.

But would I?

I'm talking with my best friend for over 25 years and he tells me he is in therapy and taking pills for depression and a few other things. I'm absolutely floored. When he told me, I cried. The dude has everything on my fucking list. A great high paying job, a loving marriage, he gets to tuck his kid in at night and spend time with him everyday, a huge nice house filled with toys and the financial ability to get anything that comes out when he wants it, a newer nicer couple of vehicles, etc etc etc.... HOW CAN HE BE DEPRESSED??!!!?

I was concerned for my friend. I guess I realized that it won't take those things on my list to make me happy. It will take more work on my part to get myself mentally right. So I made the decision to go back to therapy and maybe even explore pill options. I'm turning 40 in 5 months. I want the rest of my life to be the best of my life. I have so much I want to do and accomplish for myself and my kids, for my friends and my fans. There is so much great work to be done.

After a hard week of shit and once the dust settled from my girl and I's hard fighting weekend, we were exhausted. We took a nap together and then drove to Kalamazoo to see comedian Doug Stanhope. He's one of my absolute favorite comics of all time with easily the darkest sense of humor around. His work has always appealed to me. Not for the faint of heart, fair warning! We stopped off at a used DVD/CD store and found a few gems. I decided to finally pick up one of the TREK TNG seasons on Blu-ray... which when I got it home, it does look immaculate! I'm so late to the table on those... More on that some other time.

We get to the bar and I have a long island and some fries. We get into the show and are seated right up front next to this really nice couple. I buy D and I a few more long islands and the show starts. Local talent goes up first and he's not bad at all! Then a very drunk Andy Andrist comes out and does a very funny set. It was his birthday and you can tell he had already been celebrating. Finally Doug came out and he did well over an hour. I didn't snap any photos out of respect for his asking the crowd not to. I brought along my copy of his book "DIGGING UP MOTHER" for him to sign, if they come out after the show.

Well, they did come out and we lined up. I got one of their tour posters. Its not a very great poster but I supported the show and got Doug, Greg Chalie and Andy A to sign it. It was my turn to go up to the dude to get my book signed. He sees me and reaches out like he wants a hug.

Now, I'm not a hugger at all. I got a space thing. And I would think someone like Doug Stanhope wouldn't be either. He didn't hug anyone else before me in line. But for some reason he reached out for one. I made with the hug and a couple pats. Maybe he sensed I needed it. Maybe they got a running joke of hugging all the fat guys at the shows. Maybe he was appreciative that I didn't mess with him at the show (like others did) and I actually bought his book a while ago and brought it for him to sign. But in that moment, I didn't care. Whatever the case, I hugged the man and he signed my book. That was that.

We left there and I was smiling. I didn't even realize it. I hugged my girl and said, "Dude, I just hugged Doug Stanhope. How cool was that?"

It was cool. And it put me in a good mood. I told myself, "everything is going to be okay."

It took me a while to fall asleep. Its been a crazy week. Lots of downs and a few big ups. But I met a hero and he was a cool dude. I took my girl out and she laughed her ass off. She ate nachoes and got a few rare DVDs she's been looking for. I treated myself to a remastered TREK Blu-Ray that looks awesome. I walked away with some good memories from a comedy show. I got some Overtime hours in at the day job which will help out as it always does. The big decision of going back to therapy is off my mind. Its okay for me now to accept help. My colorist emailed me to say the newest pages I sent him are colored and ready to go.

Maybe after all... it was a good week.

This morning I woke up super early to pee. The cats scratched at the door so I decided to get up. To write this blog. To start a roast that my girl and I will enjoy later. To clean the house and straighten things up. And after that, I feel the drive. I'm busting out the pencils and getting to work again. I think I will do it watching my TNG Blu-Ray... celebrating that 30 years ago this next month, my mom, brother and I sat and watched the premiere of the show. And now I get to watch it, remastered and reassembled from the original negative. Not a video transfer but from the actual film strip.

Its a great time to be alive... and its all going to be okay.

Various Goingzzz On!

I thought I'd do a non-business/pluggy type of blog. Don't want to be all businessy around here all the time!

Well, this week our house got a bit more interesting...

Yes we adopted a little 3 month old Chihuahua. We've been combing the animal shelters for a smaller dog. I was hoping for a wiener dog, but we found this girl. She's pure bred from what we were told. VERY well mannered. We're working on potty training now. She's a tiny little thing and she sleeps with us. She certainly loooooves me. She's always laying on me.

We toyed with calling her Gabby, Minnie or Baby. But I used to have a terrier/chihuahua mix named that and its sorta weird memories cause she got hit by a car when I was like 10. So we were trying to figure out what to name her, when I started this little voice of what she would say to me if she could talk. I'd say "Do you love me puppy?" She'd say "Si Papi!" So I started calling her Si Papi. But she's a girl, so I thought POPPY. Cause she resembles a little poppy seed due to her size.  Plus the kids have taken to calling her "puppy," so it just makes sense all around.

To be honest, I'm more of a cat person than a dog person. But I wanted  a dog for several reasons. To get a more active animal in the house so the kids could play with it and keep active. Someone for me to take on walks. A buddy who shows me affection. (the cats always hide upstairs all day and are more like roommates than pets) Also a bit of a watch dog if someone is messing with the doors trying to get in. And I wanted something smaller that reminded me of my childhood dog. Poppy certainly is all those things. I never really wanted one of those ritzy Paris Hilton type of dogs, but this one, I fell in love with. And yes, we've bought her little sweaters and things. We're head over heels with her right now. Very pleased we met her!

I've been watching a bunch of classic Doctor Who lately. Trying to go in order with all the Tom Baker episodes. I am really enjoying them so now I want to watch them in order.

Okay, one plug: This Friday at 8pm at Connxtions Comedy Club in North Lansing, they are having a fundraising night for my pal Lindy. I worked with her at the strip club last year and she was one of the only people where were nice to me on the club side of things. Anyway, this December she was hit by a drunk driver and had to have major surgery and is still in therapy. She really went close to the edge. She has no insurance and things are getting expensive. So while I won't be there doing comedy, I will be auctioning off some artwork and a coupon for a free exclusive 11x17 original art piece done for you or your family. Perhaps a portrait or a parody of a movie poster featuring you? Who knows! All proceeds benefit Lindy and her recovery costs. If you are in the Lansing, MI area, come out to Connxtions Comedy Club this Friday starting at 8pm. Comedy for a good cause.

The wife and I are excited because at the same club later this month, Steve-O from Jackass is coming to perform. We're big Jackass fans in this house! So definitely we'll be going to that.

I keep seeing the previews for the new Godzilla flick coming out and man does it give me wood. I can't wait for it.

Okay, thats enough randomness. Thanks for reading!

T

P.s. I got ARTBOOKS coming this week from the printer. Now is the time to order one! Visit our ONLINE STORE to order. Thanks!

BILL HICKS - Twenty Years Gone Today

I thought I'd do a quick post and celebrate the life of Bill Hicks, who died 20 years ago today. He is by far my favorite comedian of all time, and I consider him a personal hero. He is a life idol of mine and always will be.

I first discovered him in the pages of my favorite comic book: PREACHER--

Then got all his albums. I got every bootleg I could find. I got all the VHS tapes, then the DVDs. I got every scrap I could from the man just to keep him and his words in my brain.

The dude changed a lot of the ways I see the world. I don't necessarily agree with everything he said, but damn near all of it still resonates with me. You can hear classic bits and even interchange some names here and there and it still applies today. His thoughts about America, pornography, music, war and politics really woke me up when I needed to learn how the world really turns. He was the angry preacher and a poet and we loved him for it.

He also left us some great messages. Including his famous "Its just a ride" speech. I remember it and sometimes it comforts me when I am in my low points. And he had a great bit about Jimi Hendrix, and how sometimes the universe sends us people who show us how its done and then they go away. And he certainly is one of those people who showed us how it was done! And he ended his shows with the best line: "If we took the money that we spend on wars and killing people and instead put it into educating and feeding the people of the world, which it would do many times over... not ONE human being excluded... we could as one race, explore outer space together in peace." Amen sir.

I highly recommend the documentary on him called "AMERICAN: THE BILL HICKS STORY" and the book "AMERICAN SCREAM" by Cynthia True.... which I maintain has the best closing line of any book I've ever read. It hits the note and point, perfectly. But you gotta read the whole thing to get it. Please do. Its on my MUST OWN list.

Bill Hicks. Thanks for all you gave us. We still hear you.