The 51 Adam Talleys....

I was recently surfing the net and came across this site:

http://www.HowManyOfMe.com

Ever the curious cat, I did a search for my name and came up with the magic number of 51! Wow. 51 other Adam Talleys in the United States. How do I stand out? What if there was an Adam Talley out there who was more successful, rich and a polygamist? Neck deep in porn star ass and swimming in a vault of money like the Scrooge McDuck I’ll never be? But then I do a search on GOOGLE for my name and all my websites/appearances show up at the top and I am satisfied. So, ever the creative writer, I am presenting to you here what I think the other 50 Adam Talley’s all do and what they are famous for. Here we go:

1-10 – Are infants and they do not count. I say they are infants cause with the increase of alcohol and drug consumption in this country, there is a lot of fucking going on. So it stands to reason that some would be named the same as me. PLUS, some of them party girls want to name them after me cause I am so damn cool. I don’t blame them. And I say they don’t count cause they didn’t vote and are not in my phone book. Fuck em.

11-Sells tornado insurance in Kansas. Will likely die soon.

12-Legally changed his name to mine so he could feel important, track down all my ex-girlfriends and try to get laid. Quite genius actually.

13-A roadie for Steppenwolf. Currently on a tour playing all the Indian Casinos across the U.S.

14-Voted Republican in the last election. Friends hate him now. Lives in a cave in North Dakota.

15-Arrested for trying to video tape himself having sex in every National Monument he could travel to. Recieves lots of “high fives” from his peers in jail and gets it in the ass.

16-Probebly the guy who stole my credit card. He goes online and buys used tampons for his collection.

17-A bum in southern Chicago who eats socks and begs for change by the Art Museum. Give him some money next time you are there, poor guy.

18-A conceited writer of romance novels that he can only sell in local gas stations. Has a readership of three people.

19-The worlds worst speller. Hasn’t been laid since the bicentennial..

20-A former veterinarian who was arrested and jailed for giving too many rectal thermometers to Fluffy.

21-A guy who lives with his parents and decorates his room with everything Disney ever releases. Toys, shirts, posters, dvds, etc. 42 years old and very much a virgin. But, gleefully jerks off to mature porn.

22-A Christian piano player who is in jail for rape.

23-Spends his time stalking Courtney Love. Even digs through her trash to find the dirty laundry, which, there is a lot of actually. Has a bed made of her soiled undies.

24-Currently fucking one of my ex’s, cause she’s too stupid to realize she’s screwing the wrong guy. But, he shares the same size belly as me, so its okay.

25-A gas station attendant in Salt Lake City. Has 4 wives, all ugly. Fuck him.

26-A bench warmer for the Dallas Mavaricks Basketball team. Never seen a second of playtime, so he doesn’t even have a rookie card.

27-Ate so much Moose Tracks ice cream that he is currently in the hospital in 24 hour dialysis.

28-A clarinet player, who is VERY good at sucking cock.

29-An assistant manager at a hot dog stand in Jersey. Fucks Chinchillas in the mouth.

30-Mr. T’s personal trainer. Can bench 40 pounds. Has constant hernia.

31-Makes a living testing out new experimental flavors of Doritos. But the bastard doesn’t gain a pound while eating all of these chips. I hope chokes on his own cheesy-tasting vomit.

32-A punk rock pickle-picker in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania who pisses on a pretty princess named Petunia.

33-Once a girl named Adrian Talley, got a sex change and changed his/her name. Shoe salesman.

34-Arrested for fisting kittens in a dark alley in Vegas.

35-Model for Ambercrombie and Fitch. Serial date rapist.

36-Shares the same birthday with me. Lives with his parents and is obsessed with STAR WARS! (My bizzaro Adam!)

37-Guy who is obsessed with me, stalks me. Legally changed his name to mine. Wants to fuck my wife.

38-Writer of erotic fiction…. Eskimo.

39-College student who collects panties from clotheslines. Has over 24,000 pair in his dorm room. Roommates are curious.

40-A guy who revolutionalized the thumb tack industry by making packs of 300 instead of 200. Retired in the Phillipines.

41-37 year old painter of church tracts for the Watchtower and bible Tract Society. And yes, he is a virgin.

42-Cowboy. Dying of lung cancer.

43-A roofer in Jersey who has such an extreme foot fetish that he had his hands surgically switched to his feet and visa-versa. Can barely walk but jerks off 19 times daily into his hands/feet. Set a world record for number of times masterbated in an hour.

44-A former political mudslinger for Bob Dole. Retired and eating nothing but pudding.

45-Older gentleman who survived the attack on Pearl Harbor. He often smears shit on the walls of his home to piss off the nurses. (My kind of guy!)

46-Hairstylist. Fronts a Falco tribute band.

47-Male stripper who exotic dances as famous people. Bears strong resemblance to Kathy Bates.

48-Lives in Lansing, Mi and is famous for accidently getting my Nintendo Power subscription by accident when I was eight years old. No shit. I waited 4 months for my books and never got them. Finally, we called and they said they were sending them to an ADAM TALLEY in Lansing. The bastard probably still has them. I’ll find them and come after his ear.

49-STING’s ex-publicist. Fired for not wanting to listen to “Every Breath You Take” in the office all day long as required by the handbook.

50-She-male pro golfer. Lost grapes in his/her ass and cannot poo them out.

So there we have it. What am I afraid of? My successes far outweigh these other blokes. What a relief. Good thing my name isn’t Lindsey Lohan, or else I’d put a gun in my throat.

How do YOU compare?? Find out at: howmanyofme.com!!!!

Much love!

ADAM T.