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Hello all. Welcome back!

I’d like to take a minute to talk about motivation. I sometimes always have to step outside of myself to see my motivations on things. Is what I am pursuing true? Is it coming from my heart? Is this what I was meant to pursue, or am I merely doing it cause I know nothing else?

These are questions that have plagued my mind since the beginning of my life in everything I do. From “Am I hungry?” to “Do I truly matter?” all the way to “Are my dreams worth pursuing?” All of it becomes one muddled jumble of self analysis wrapped in a loincloth of loathing.

In the past, I would get down on myself and do a “poor me” attitude, thinking I was inferior and was simply wasting my time. I can think of MANY instances where I backed out of something or changed my mind on X or Y, simply because I was down on myself for wanting it or considering doing it. As in, who am I to have want for X or Y in my life?

I know, it seems all metaphorical and all that but let me explain:

Often times, I look back at my artwork and other creative ventures and all I can pick out immediately are the negatives. What I did wrong, whats misspelled, where I messed up this hand drawing or this page of pacing. Maybe I didn’t do a good job portraying this idea or that figure. Maybe that caricature didn’t look exactly like who it was supposed to be.

It compounds to worse effects when I see new artists’ work, either in a gallery or other creative medium. A film, written word, painting, comic, song, etc. I think: Man, I coulda thought of that! Why didn’t I? I’m a hack and I suck so hard. I should pack it all in right now.

I used to think that about my comics. Until that one day I mentioned before. I’ll relate the story once again…

It was 2004. I was sitting in the lunch room at CMU campus. I was thumbing through the print pages of what would be my first collection of “PLEASANT HYMNS” in the yellow tradebook format. I had just got comics from the shop that day and was thumbing through issues of Jim Lee and Todd McFarlane art. I looked to my pages and those old familiar thoughts come creeping back. “Man I suck! Why publish this? I’m wasting time and money on this. No one reads this. No one cares about my stupid little work.” I was about to just reach behind me and chuck the print pages into the trash bin behind me and just toss it all out. End it all. Career suicide. I had the gun loaded and pointed at my preverbal head. Then suddenly, a guy walks up to me…

“Hey, aren’t you Adam Talley?”

“Yes,” I said curiously. I had no idea who this cat was.

“Hey man. You do those comics. I bought em’ all. I really love them.”

“Oh yeah? Wow. Thanks man. Right on.” He looked at me and kinda got closer into my personal space, talking a tad quieter, adding meaning to what he next would say…

“You know, I bet its hard when you pay for and do it all yourself isn’t it? Its gotta be. I can’t imagine taking it all on by myself.”

“Um, it is sometimes,” I nodded.

“But man, you gotta keep doing this stuff. We’re out there reading and those who are passionate about it and truly get it, will care. I just gotta say that. Well, keep up the good work man.” And he left.

I sat for a quiet minute taking all that in, and I immediately put my pages back into my folder and pulled out my sketch book, documented the event. Then I pulled out my writing tablet and started writing dialog for the next book.

I never forgot that day. Ever since that day, I’ve never doubted my art or my dreams. Not once. Every now and then I’ll get that sinking feeling like I am no good, or I could have done better. But as soon as it comes, it fades away. Instantly. I don’t know what sent that random guy my way at that moment, but I feel that whoever or whatever did, has shown me that fate can only fall one way for me. That I am meant to follow my dreams.

I look at my art I just got done drawing on ten minutes ago and I am blown away. I see how far I’ve come in the last 13 years of me doing this. Over and over again, I’ve risen up, made the time to focus on it and kept going. Kept drawing. Kept plugging away. And its scary. Scott Kurtz recently said that waiting for success and drawing everyday for it is like “dressing up for a huge blind date and going to the restaurant to wait, hoping she’ll show up.” It’s a huge unknown, but for me, it’s a matter of WHEN. Simply when.

So when someone says my work isn’t as good as X or Y, or in a way, denies me my chance at a more volumized interest, I don’t let it bother me one bit. I keep going. When someone opts to buy some crap superhero book that’s been done 10 million times or some trendy crap book instead of mine, I don’t let it bother me. I keep going. When I go to cons and don’t sell shit, I keep going. When I get a review that says I am so-so or even complete and utter shit, I keep going. Cause what matters is that person who buys it and gets it. Who buys my art and hangs it up. Who hires me cause they think my art matches their words. Who looks at my new art and says “wow…” That’s what matters my dear droogies.

When it comes down to it, all you have is you, your dream and what you’re willing to do to get it. You gotta want it bad enough. Bad enough to ignore the arrows and bullets of self doubt. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best:

“NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.”

Think about it my friends, and don’t let nothing stop you. Keep going. Take Rocky:

“IT’S NOT ABOUT HOW HARD YOU CAN HIT, ITS ABOUT HOW HARD YOU CAN GET HIT AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD. HOW HARD YOU CAN GET HIT, AND KEEP… MOVING.. FORWARD…”

Keep going.

T