Whew, has it been an interesting past 3 days.
First of all, I got a tad sick over the weekend. Stomach pains and just general BLAH feeling. Actually, the BLAH feeling has been plaguing me for months. Seems I’m always down and dragging. I really don’t know why. My fuel has been feeling empty.
Its not depression. Its not anything. I just haven’t done shit. And hate myself for not doing shit. Doesn’t make sense does it?
Maybe it was my birthday woes. Maybe it’s the feeling of life changing around me. Maybe its being depressed about lack of money. I don’t know what it is. I wish I could have put my finger on it and figured it out.
At work we got some corporate guy there this week. The kind of shit I HATE! So after that blow, I just started penciling. Just burning through paper. Determined not to let go. I surpassed the pages I had thumbnailed out and kept going. Going and going. Till when the smoke cleared at 2am, I had penciled SIXTEEN PAGES of Pleasant Life! Sixteen! Its gotta be a record. I felt like this creative alien creature was popping out of me and running amok on my artboards. What I penciled is really good. As best as I’ve ever been. Today, I ink it all.
I dunno what possessed me to do that yesterday. I just felt that I gotta break free of my own bullshit. I get myself into this lumps and look at everything that’s going wrong. But I seem to forget the fact that hey, I get to wake up today and draw comics. The whole world doesn’t know me very well yet, but they will. It’s a great feeling. So many people wish they could do it or have the drive to do it. I got both. And I’ve wasted my time. My sketchbook for the past few months has been bare, save for a poem here and there.
I wouldn’t call this a writer’s block. More like an Artistic Lull in time. But I’m out. I broke free. And all I can think about is keeping myself on track. Eyes on the prize.
I had huge plans for Idiothead.com. That it was gonna be a hub of creativity of two people. But I don’t think those plans are happening. So I am off on my own. Within the next couple of months, you are going to see a new website be born. A website focused only on me and what I’m doing. I’m going to increase sales of my products. I am going to sell all my originals. I am going to freelance and work for hire on artwork. It is what I am meant to do. Cause everything else is not me anymore. I walked into McDonalds yesterday and my stomach turned. I could never do that anymore. And Corporate America brings me down. Its time for me to move into what I want. I got the chance, and now I gotta take the shot.
On Saturday, my son turned 8 years old. Happy Birthday to him. He got a Nintendo DS and a Wii. He’s a video game nut.
My wife and I are making dreams of what will be when our new baby comes. That is equally as exciting as my comics.
All in all, things are rising up. I’ve never lost my heart, but I’ve lost the drive. I’m claiming it back. I never doubted what I want to do. I just doubted that I would be allowed to do it. But no one ALLOWS you to do what you want. You just gotta do it and let the chips fall where they will.
No more bullshit. Lets go ink them pages!
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