An Epiphany.

Every now and then I hear or see something and immedately think: This is for me. That was a message meant for me! Be it fate, kharma, divine influence or just plain dumb luck, I come across things and totally take it as if it were meant for me. Today is such a day.

For the past couple weeks, I've been working on my pages and what not. but also feeling some pressure. Like, the pressure of "why haven't I "MADE IT" yet?" I was talking to a couple artists about it at San Diego. Not a "poor me" kind of thing, nor did I say something like "I've worked hard and am awesome, where's my shiny new car!?!?!?" Far from it. I was just asking them about them at the point to where they were struggling and finally "broke in" and got to take care of their bills and proved themselves through their creative means. Be it comics, movies, sketch cards or whatever. The roundabout answer always comes to "KEEP AT IT! IT WILL HAPPEN."

I've been working and improving over the last few years since starting this as a serious endevor. And for sure I knew it would take time to hone myself to that "professional" level. Good things have happened. Like a spike in sales at cons and pre-orders. Also this latest tradebook is hands down the best thing I have written thus far in my career. Everyone that I know that has read it has loved it. Plus, my contacts and networking enabled me to hit bigger cons this year and even got to go to SAN DIEGO! So, shit has been happening.

The pressure I am referring to is that well, I have a family. I would like to prove to them that I matter and that the extra work they put in to let me follow my dreams hasn't been in vain. So in someways, sometimes I beat myself up for not having crossed the line yet. YES, I am self publishing and have for 15 years. YES I am improving and kicking ass. YES I have never been in a better position than I ever have been than right now. Shit is connecting. But I'd still like to attain that sort of "thing" that gets me into the main bloodline. Be it a company picks up my book to distribute for me, I get some sort of paying gig, more traffic heads to my site, etc. Something like that.

Beating myself up over it I have for the past couple weeks. I don't know what set me off. Be it my frustration at jobs or myself and working through my problems this year. I just been working at it.

So for this past week, I've been catching up on the WEBCOMICS WEEKLY podcast and a recent episode, artist DAVE KELLETT said something that really made me think: "Holy shit. this message is for me!"

Its that every career that is worthwhile... doctor, sports player, etc, takes YEARS to get there. Doctors go to school for many years. athletes practice for years and take college for years and play many many games to prove themselves. ARTISTS---no different. YOu keep going. You improve. You fight. You educate. You spend your time in the trenches and you do it. Why? Cause its damn worthwhile. You can make $$$ like a doctor, possibly more if thats your pursuit. But not that that necessarily is your motivation. Point is: I've been beating myself up feeling bad about what I haven't done yet, when in reality, I have been doing it all along. Cause what I am pursing is worthwhile and its what I want. Sometimes I lose sight of that.

Man a weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel 100% better. Thanks Dave Kellett. You got my respect sir. A plug for your online webcomic site:

http://www.sheldoncomics.com/

Meanwhile, still working on pages. Interviewed JAY FOSGITT today for the Idiothead.com podcast. We had a great talk. Don't hestitate to give it a listen, nor don't hesitate to check out his work at www.jayfosgitt.com. Big things are happening for him. BIG. And pre-order his book "DEAD DUCK" that is coming from APE ENTERTAINMENT. Its in this months PREVIEWS. Order code: SEPT090577.

Cheers, T