Things don't work in my brain like they used to.

I got an issue (maybe) and I need some clarity on it.

Things don't work in my brain like they used to. Here's what I mean: I used to LOVE stuff. My favorite moments of the week were getting your check, paying your bills and then setting aside a couple hundred for yourself to go out and just buy whatever the fuck you want to. Stupid shit. Something makes you kind of laugh in a Spencers in the mall, you buy it. I bought a $30 talking Cartman once. I have no fucking clue what I did with that. $30. I haven't seen it in almost 10 years.

Anyway, I find that I just want less stuff in my life. Started a couple years ago. I got rid of my Cds. I had over 400-500 Cds. I whittled them down to maybe 30. I kept the Beatles, Type O, U2 remasters. But I haven't looked at them at all. I kept them for the "artwork, photos, liner notes." But have NEVER looked at them. I had 8 long boxes of comics. I have two now. For example, I got into PVP the comic. I went out and bought ever single issue for full price in back issue bins. I could have read them online! Now, I am considering just tossing all 40 something issues away because I cannot sell them on ebay. If they burned, I would not miss them.

thats a statement right there. I heard my pal Brian Denham say that once. "If it burned today, would you replace it?" And you know, there's very little I would replace. My computer, some of the Graphic Novels I love. My Ipod, markers, pens, paper. But all else? Not really. I just don't need it. And its odd for me. I LOVE STUFF! I don't know how to deal with it.

Another example. Money is extremely tight right now so I have been looking through my stuff for things to sell. I had this Star Trek TNG Bridge Playset with the box on my shelf. I've had it there for 5-7 years. I only opened it once to look at it. I took it out to take photos of it. I wasn't gonna get maybe but $30 for it. And it woulda been a pain in the ass to ship. My kid saw it out and ran to his room. He then brought out 4 Star Trek figures he got ahold of from my shelves in the past and started putting the figures in the chairs. HE KNEW WHAT IT WAS!!!!! It warmed me so that I just let him take it into his room. He's taken it apart, put it together. Whatever. I don't care. I'm glad to see he is enjoying it. I am not protective of it. but I was while we were moving. I wrap up these things and protect them with bubble tape, wrapping paper, etc.

Recently you will recall me talking about those RUSH box sets. I love it. I got it and uploaded the music to my ipod and imac. Have I listened to them at all? No. Why did I want them so bad then? I got it and sat it on a shelf after initial looking at it and there it sits. Why isn't it in my hands right now and I am enjoying every track? Did I even really want it?

So which is it then? Do I care about these things or not? Thats what I am trying to get straight in my head. To me, I'd rather spend my money on things for the kids and for the house and paying off bills than getting anything off my long amazon.com "wish list." Seriously every time I get some disposable income I go on there and I NEVER buy anything. Never. why do I even have that list?

I hear friends of mine who constantly love that thrill of the hunt, going to old Cd/DVD stores and talk about their deals, their scores. It excites me. but for some reason I cannot get excited enough to do it myself. Whereas I woulda done anything to go do that in the moment I heard they did it. I get a tad envious of my friends who have every BluRay they want in their collection, when I only have about 30 of them. But when it comes time to buy, I do not. Know what I asked the wife for Christmas? Sharpie markers. Again. I always get Sharpies! I'd even love some new matching socks. What a yuccky Christmas present idea! But it is what I want. Odd isn't it?

So yeah, Things don't work in my brain like they used to. And I'm trying to figure out why. Anyone got a clue? Cause I don't. The drive and spirit are there but my heart isn't into the shit anymore. And its what I live for, man. At least, I used to. So what the fuck is my problem??

T