Honesty is such A Lonely Word.

Before I get into today's proceedings, I gotta ask you to check out the work of WILFREDO TORRES. That shit is awesome!!! I love it.

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So after the blog post I posted yesterday about my stupidity, it got worse. I was going through a few stressful situations and on about 3 hours of sleep. I was on my way to pick up my wife and this dude cut me off. Me having the horrible road rage I do, I snapped. Oh boy did I snap. I let him have it. Well, I let myself let him have it in my car with only me hearing it, and the kid fast asleep in the back. I was the only one going through it. Anyway, I pick up the wife and get out of the car at a gas station to gas up. Instantly I felt it. Lightheaded. Dizzy. Sick to my stomach. My heart rate was normal, or else I might have called an ambulance. My limbs felt a tad tingly. I gassed up and drove home, concentrating on breathing decently. I got home and instantly laid down. The room would not stop spinning. I hit the pillow and was out. I woke up almost three hours later. the kid was in Pjs and it was too late to go out. I had blown Valentine's Day. Not that we had plans or anything, but I still was desiring to take my girl out. As I should have, right? Well, we ended up watching Beavis and Butthead and passing out on the couch. I stayed up due to lack of sleep and finally curled up in bed around 1am.

I woke up at 8am feeling quite rested for once. But still, it was dug into my brain. I had just provided the worst Valentine's Day ever. My health was telling me something yesterday. That the time is now. NOW. I need to get all the issues I have in order, or it will be too late. Stress, Anger, Frustration, Self Esteem, Weight, Sleep. All of it has to be conquered. My problem goes beyond losing 60 pounds. I have to get the real ME back.

So I woke this morning and gave my wife her Valentine's Day present. Something that I feel means more than cards or flowers. I gave her my vow that starting today, I am changing. I outlined my steps and vows to her and I plan to mark this day as the last time I will fail. When I cannot live my life anymore and am effecting those around me because of it, is the day I wake up and am done. So that is it.

I'm not going to go deeper into it here. But I made a vow and I am always a man of my word. I intend to finally prove it. To me. To her. To the world. I've got a long hard road out of hell. But I feel I am finally on my way.

I'm finally awake.

T