Merry Holidays everyone!

Merry Holidayz everyone!

Hey folks. Its 5am and I'm up. Its been a whirlwind of a week. Most of it has been a vicious cycle of work/sleep. The overtime pay is nice but I am starting to feel a little cramped. Its part of the gig and I get that. But I also acknowledge that I'm feeling sorta spacey lately. Just out of it. I can never relax or get calm. I mean here it is, 5am and I'm fucking up doing stuff.

I got quite a few health issues going on. I'm slowly awakening to the fact that I think I have a form of Attention Deficit Disorder. I think I've always had it and have never bothered to address it. That would explain a great many things. Like why I can never sit still without moving some body part, fidgeting with my hands or legs, unable to stay focused, doodling, messing with objects, jumping from one idea to the next with no transition, overactive mind, chew pens and things, etc.  I feel like there is a constant war inside my head of memories vs. current stimulus. I cannot ever just sit still and comfortably. I'm not very observant. For example, I love playing games like chess or solitaire, but I am the worst player at these because I cannot see simple moves in plain sight. I'm very easy to beat.

Other health issues are no doubt because of my failure to stay on a diet. I've really ballooned up all year. I get chest aches and pains and I am quickly out of breath often. Also, I have some worsening knee trouble (started last year) and I'm prone to panic attacks now. I got a lot of shit going on and its something I am going to address in the new year. I pretty much HAVE to at this point. I need to put me first for once and start saying "no" more often. I feel like a dick when I cannot be there for everyone or do things with everyone that I can. But I just need to take a breather and get calm, get healthy and start taking care of these things one by one. I need to do some therapy again. I got shit in the basement to deal with (don't we all) and it seems that every day the paperboy brings more for me to shovel onto my mind.

So, 2017 goal: Get myself right. I'm almost 40. Time to get some shit taken care of.

In between shifts at the job I have managed to pencil a few pages on the Caleb/Horror comic thingie. Nothing big to show yet, but just illustrating to you folks that the work continues. I'm trying, I really am.

My girl has been working a lot of hours too and the daily grind is a stress to her as well. But she takes care of me. I let her open a couple gifts early and she let me open another one: 

PUSHEEN CAT!!!!!! I cuddle with him every night!

Of course, I cannot neglect my REAL kitty... no matter how much of a booger she is sometimes....

The snow has started to hit us hard in Michigan and that is always a depressing time for me. The older I get the more I fucking hate the cold weather. I used to not mind it, now I hate it. If I could uproot my life and move to a warmer climate, I would in a heart beat.

I've wrote out my year end blog already and will post it the last week of December. We aren't there quite yet. Besides, I haven't seen Rogue One yet and I just found out a new Nine Inch Nails EP is coming next week! At least its an exciting time in new media that I dig.

I'm making early plans for 2017 and giving myself things to work hard toward and to look forward to. I am hoping for big changes next year that didn't seem to happen this year, for ANYONE! Its been a fuck-shit-ass-balls-cock of a year. But there's always the puncher's chance that we will kick the tires and light the fires for next year.

Here's to hope,

T

P.s. Be safe out there and happy holidays to all of you!