I am a few months from hitting the big 4-0. And as I move closer, I realize that I am starting to wake up to my age a bit. More grey hair comes daily. Carpal tunnel. Digestion issues. Gonna have to start taking a finger in the ass to check the prostate and so on. That is part of life. What I'm also finding, is that being an aging nerd is a mental wrestling match.
For example, I went to Toys R Us a couple weeks ago because I had a few spare bucks and thought I'd treat myself to a random toy. I was in there early in the a.m. and I noticed people were looking at me. Suddenly it dawned on me: I'm almost 40 and buying a toy for myself at the toy store. Why am I doing this? Am I a big kid or something?? And why reward myself with a toy like I am a fucking kid?
Embarrassed, I left. Reaching out to social media, people tried to sway my initial reaction and encouraging me to embrace my nerdy side, go back in and get something. Well, I didn't. But the thoughts remained. So I started looking at the toys in my collection that somehow have been dragged with me from place to place over the years. Some of which are going for pretty good money now. Then I thought back to all the STAR TREK toys I used to have and have let go via ebay over the years. I had a complete set of the ERTL Star Trek 3 figures in box. I had all the TNG Galoob Figures in box. I had about 8 of the STAR TREK MEGO Motion Picture figures from the 70s in the box. The 2007 re-release Diamond Select MEGO reprints, all the crew and aliens.... all gone. And now to recoop them, I'd have to pay out the nose, whereas at the time I sold them for maybe half of what I paid for them. Stupid.
I regret letting them go. A few years ago I opened a lot of my toys so my boys could play with them. Scotty being autistic, doesn't care so much about toys at all. James does play with them, but his current obsession over the last couple years has been vacuums. Its literally all he talks about. My oldest son is nerdy like his dad, but in a different way. He's into online gaming PCs and anime stuff. Both worlds, I honestly don't know much about.
So, sometimes it feels like I'm a man out of time. I'm a big child. Approaching 40. Financially, I could buy a toy or two that I'd want now. I don't have many "high end" toys like SIDESHOW or HOT TOY figures. The most expensive one I've bought was a Matty Collector 12" Egon from Ghostbusters. Its out of the box and standing on a shelf with the rest of my Ghostbusters figures and cars I have in the box. I did recently get a Han Solo of the new Star Wars 40th Anniversary re-release figures. And I got a large format The THING from Marvel Legends. Other than that, a few tubs of random toys. Some are worth money. Most of them, not.
I'm at the point now where I am starting to ask: Do I let all of these things go and abandon these child like tendencies? Because my kids don't care about them. I sometimes feel stupid and childish for drooling over them. What do I want to do?
In the end, I cannot deny it. I'm a nerd. And I'm of the age where they are making good looking toys and I can afford them. I'm not going to run out and spend thousands on toys, but I will enjoy a purchase or two down the road. (but NO Funko Pops! Okay???)
I think this is okay. I am comfortable with it. Most of my collecting is nostalgia. Old Cds/records, NES/SNES video games, old STARLOG and MAD magazines, DVDs/Blu-rays, rare VHS tapes, STAR TREK vintage things, posters, old books, stickers and other rarities. I think I have enough room in my heart to keep my toy obsession alive for the time being. And maybe even kick it up a notch. I look at these premium figures and other toys and think, "MAN! I would LOVE to have that!" I'm sure having, is not as cool of a thing as owning. But honestly, every now and then, I like to take in the things I got and say, "fuck yeah! My 9 year old self would be proud!"
You gotta be happy with who you are. And call me Michael Jackson, but I 'm a big kid at heart. Adulting sucks. Just give me a big bowl of cereal, some cartoons and a book or a toy and I'm good. I'm happy and content with it now. I've tried to run away and "grow up" for a long time now and it hasn't took. Oh well. Fuck it. I am who I am.
Anyway, here are some things right now that peek my interest:
Look at this ECTO1. I mean... LOOK AT IT! I'm sure it costs a fortune... but man.....
|The same company produces this HANNIBAL LECTOR figure. Looks really great! Gotta have it.|
|Something on my Amazon wish list is this ED 209 by Neca from ROBOCOP. Looks awesome!!!!!|
|For higher end figures, this Han Solo looks sweet!|
|Same company is putting out this Peter Cushing/Tarkin figure. Man that sculpt looks amazing!|
|Something I've been eyeballing for a while now is this Ghostbusters HQ in legos. The price is high for me and that is what scares me away from it. But look at it?!?!?!!?!?! I woulda KILLED to have this as a kid. SOOOO cool looking.|
|Also shown at San Diego were these awesome TMNT 80's movie version figures. Dead on sculpts. VERY nice!!|
|Apparently McFarlane toys got the Trek license for the new TV show and they are also releasing a Kirk and Picard. Sculpts look okay. I'll likely add them to my collection.|
(SIGH) What a great time to be a nerd. Maybe its time to stop being bitter and forcing myself to fit a mold I just don't seem to fit in via what the world tells me (by age) how I should be, and just embrace what I dig. Maybe we all should. I'm sorry I whined about growing older and how I should let these things go. I decided to stomp my foot and say "I DON'T WANNA!"