TOYS!

No depressing shit this time. Let's get nerdy and talk about TOYS!

I am a few months from hitting the big 4-0. And as I move closer, I realize that I am starting to wake up to my age a bit. More grey hair comes daily. Carpal tunnel. Digestion issues. Gonna have to start taking a finger in the ass to check the prostate and so on. That is part of life. What I'm also finding, is that being an aging nerd is a mental wrestling match.

For example, I went to Toys R Us a couple weeks ago because I had a few spare bucks and thought I'd treat myself to a random toy. I was in there early in the a.m. and I noticed people were looking at me. Suddenly it dawned on me: I'm almost 40 and buying a toy for myself at the toy store. Why am I doing this? Am I a big kid or something?? And why reward myself with a toy like I am a fucking kid?

Embarrassed, I left. Reaching out to social media, people tried to sway my initial reaction and encouraging me to embrace my nerdy side, go back in and get something. Well, I didn't. But the thoughts remained. So I started looking at the toys in my collection that somehow have been dragged with me from place to place over the years. Some of which are going for pretty good money now. Then I thought back to all the STAR TREK toys I used to have and have let go via ebay over the years. I had a complete set of the ERTL Star Trek 3 figures in box. I had all the TNG Galoob Figures in box. I had about 8 of the STAR TREK MEGO Motion Picture figures from the 70s in the box. The 2007 re-release Diamond Select MEGO reprints, all the crew and aliens.... all gone. And now to recoop them, I'd have to pay out the nose, whereas at the time I sold them for maybe half of what I paid for them. Stupid.

I regret letting them go. A few years ago I opened a lot of my toys so my boys could play with them. Scotty being autistic, doesn't care so much about toys at all. James does play with them, but his current obsession over the last couple years has been vacuums. Its literally all he talks about. My oldest son is nerdy like his dad, but in a different way. He's into online gaming PCs and anime stuff. Both worlds, I honestly don't know much about.

So, sometimes it feels like I'm a man out of time. I'm a big child. Approaching 40. Financially, I could buy a toy or two that I'd want now. I don't have many "high end" toys like SIDESHOW or HOT TOY figures. The most expensive one I've bought was a Matty Collector 12" Egon from Ghostbusters. Its out of the box and standing on a shelf with the rest of my Ghostbusters figures and cars I have in the box. I did recently get a Han Solo of the new Star Wars 40th Anniversary re-release figures. And I got a large format The THING from Marvel Legends. Other than that, a few tubs of random toys. Some are worth money. Most of them, not.

I'm at the point now where I am starting to ask: Do I let all of these things go and abandon these child like tendencies? Because my kids don't care about them. I sometimes feel stupid and childish for drooling over them. What do I want to do?

In the end, I cannot deny it. I'm a nerd. And I'm of the age where they are making good looking toys and I can afford them. I'm not going to run out and spend thousands on toys, but I will enjoy a purchase or two down the road. (but NO Funko Pops! Okay???)

I think this is okay. I am comfortable with it. Most of my collecting is nostalgia. Old Cds/records, NES/SNES video games, old STARLOG and MAD magazines, DVDs/Blu-rays, rare VHS tapes, STAR TREK vintage things, posters, old books, stickers and other rarities. I think I have enough room in my heart to keep my toy obsession alive for the time being. And maybe even kick it up a notch. I look at these premium figures and other toys and think, "MAN! I would LOVE to have that!" I'm sure having, is not as cool of a thing as owning. But honestly, every now and then, I like to take in the things I got and say, "fuck yeah! My 9 year old self would be proud!"

You gotta be happy with who you are. And call me Michael Jackson, but I 'm a big kid at heart. Adulting sucks. Just give me a big bowl of cereal, some cartoons and a book or a toy and I'm good. I'm happy and content with it now. I've tried to run away and "grow up" for a long time now and it hasn't took. Oh well. Fuck it. I am who I am.

Anyway, here are some things right now that peek my interest:

This is my recent gift to myself: the ENTERPRISE 50th Anniversary model kit. (Used a 1/2 off coupon! Sabo would be proud!) I put this model kit together about 6 times when I was a kid. Looking forward to doing it again. Of course, I got about 5 other model kits in various states of completion. Maybe I need to jump on those again. Been feeling a bit crafty lately. Maybe its time to relax and do some modeling on a day off!

Here's some toys from this past San Diego Comic Con:

Look at this ECTO1. I mean... LOOK AT IT! I'm sure it costs a fortune... but man.....

The same company produces this HANNIBAL LECTOR figure. Looks really great! Gotta have it.

Something on my Amazon wish list is this ED 209 by Neca from ROBOCOP. Looks awesome!!!!!

For higher end figures, this Han Solo looks sweet!

Same company is putting out this Peter Cushing/Tarkin figure. Man that sculpt looks amazing! 

Something I've been eyeballing for a while now is this Ghostbusters HQ in legos. The price is high for me and that is what scares me away from it. But look at it?!?!?!!?!?! I woulda KILLED to have this as a kid. SOOOO cool looking.

Also shown at San Diego were these awesome TMNT 80's movie version figures. Dead on sculpts. VERY nice!!

Apparently McFarlane toys got the Trek license for the new TV show and they are also releasing a Kirk and Picard. Sculpts look okay. I'll likely add them to my collection.

 There are a few other toys I've put on wish lists and bookmarks. Maybe if I drop some weight I will reward myself with one or two.

(SIGH) What a great time to be a nerd. Maybe its time to stop being bitter and forcing myself to fit a mold I just don't seem to fit in via what the world tells me (by age) how I should be, and just embrace what I dig. Maybe we all should. I'm sorry I whined about growing older and how I should let these things go. I decided to stomp my foot and say "I DON'T WANNA!"

Nerd up!

--T

PROGRESS!!!! (And comments on current events)

Hey friends!

After my last blog post I am happy to say that I actually took a day (my one day off that I mostly used to regulate my sleep) and did some work on the new book. I did a shit load of word balloons and colored three pinups. I got a massive chunk of it done and I am sharing some pics of progress below. SAFE FOR WORK and spoiler free of course. But enjoy the newest thing to come (very soon)!!!

Before we get to that, some comments on recent events:

---San Diego Comic Con brings a lot of cool news and things. Here is a list of things I got comments on:

1-JUSTICE LEAGUE TRAILER: Looks fine but sometimes modern movies just feel too flashy for me and might give me an epileptic seizure! The movie in my head will always be Chris Reeve, Michael Keaton, John W. Shipp and Lynda Carter playing those roles... But I'll never get that. I've always leaned toward DC titles more than Marvel, so lets see what happens. Likely I will be seeing that quickly unless reviews are abysmal.

2-STAR TREK DISCOVERY TRAILER: (Sigh) It is what it is and I will give the series a chance. Again, my TREK will always be everything from 1966-2002. Minus Voyager and Enterprise. So this is all we got. Whatever. Its... yeah, whatever. At least some of the gadget designs are inspired of TOS era stuff. That is something I guess. But so far I've seen nothing that makes me excited to see it. On the other hand...

3-THE ORVILLE: Now THIS is more like it! I'm super excited to see this show.

4-TREK TOYS: McFarlane does a run of TOS toys. Cool. (sigh) I'll need to get a second job soon.

5-DC VERTIGO: Good new art and the tease date of 080818 has me curious. More SANDMAN? Maybe something else? Cannot be more PREACHER without Steve Dillon. We'll see.

6-PREACHER (Rest of season 2 trailer): The HERR STARR stuff is awesome! I'm excited about it, of course. Season 2 has been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy better than the first one.

7-BLADE RUNNER 2049: I'm not the most massive BLADE RUNNER fan, but the trailer looks like fun. Maybe I will revisit the flick. Somehow the first movie missed my radar as a kid.

8-STRANGER THINGS 2: Yes!

---LINKIN PARK singer suicide thoughts: I wasn't a fan of the band and I had the anger on because they "replaced" Scott Weiland in STP with this dude. Not his fault, but still. Anyway, apparently he and Chris Cornell were close. Some weird shit is going down. But if it truly isn't some weird conspiracy and is a suicide as it appears to be.... I will get in trouble for my stance on this, but it seems like there is this weird movement of "accepting" suicide when it happens. Look, your life is your life and yeah, I understand pain and its your right to check out if you want. But it really devastates those around you, whether you think it wont or not... it does. Both of these dudes leave behind a family and kids that will have to grow up with that shit. As a father myself, it pisses me off. Forget about the fans and all that... what about their kids? To me, its a selfish act. Not a cowardly act, but just extremely selfish. I gotta think that somehow substances might influence or alter brain chemistry to allow such a thing to stay in the mind. I've been to the point of thinking in that ballpark of suicidal thoughts many times in my life. But I will never do it because it will hurt those I care about. So I suck whatever it is I am feeling up and ride the wave. Things get better. Things will change if you want them to. I understand circumstances like disease and other stuff. I respect people's wishes. But man, I could never do something like that to those I care about. I don't get it. If you are feeling these thoughts, please reach out. Call someone or one of the anonymous phone help lines. Life is a gift and its always better above ground. I mean, we got burritos up here. And Lord of the Rings. And good STAR WARS and STAR TREK flicks. And THE BEATLES' music!!!! C'mon now. We live in a great time. Sure there are assholes and shit to slug through, but man we got some good shit going on too if you look around. Reach out and it will reach back. I promise. Life is for the living.

Okay, here are the pics I promised. Enjoy! (Its all coming soon!)

---T

Engine at Idle

Hey friends. I finally got to see it. Opening day. My record of seeing a new Star Trek film on opening weekend since 1984 remains intact.

STAR TREK: BEYOND!

To get my full review, listen to the newest episode of the Idiothead Morning Show, downloadable via Itunes or stream it right HERE

I'm one month off of soda and man does that feel good! I also quit all forms of caffeine for over three weeks now. I had a bunch of withdrawal symptoms from being light-headed, panic attack feeling, dizziness, headaches, irritability... but all that is gone now. Drinking lots of water and moving along. I haven't picked up many good habits beyond that, but I will slowly start doing that. A couple of months ago I didn't think quitting soda again would be possible, but it has occurred. I'm not even slightly tempted to miss it at all. Moving forward.

Sometimes I want to give up and just be comfortable being the fat guy that I currently am. But I get depressed when I want to go clothes shopping. Or I can't fit in a restaurant booth. My self perception is that I am not that far gone but then I see a pic or a mirror, I'm like.. "Who is that?"

I am ashamed I dropped almost 60 pounds and gained it all back. I can't stop beating myself up for it. I have every reason to be so disgusted with myself that I would want to work hard to change it for good and raise my living stats. But I don't. The fire isn't there. My engine is at idle on change.

I'm angered and frustrated over the current political situation. The shady undercutting of Bernie Sanders really has me disenfranchised by the whole thing. The idea that Trump could possibly be our president. Its all scary to me. And easily helping my depression along. 

I have a pile of work on me. Self imposed and hired work. Deadlines aren't looming but they are coming. I used to work hard and beat each one. Now I just sit and wish they were done already. I can't get the engine started to get going. I enjoy it when I finally do get going, but until then, I sit idle. Doing nothing. What is it going to take to get the ignition started and get this train rolling down the tracks again?

I think its just that a lot is on my mind. In one month, I move again. 70% of my stuff is all packed up. There are piles of stuff here that need to be sorted and moved and I can't do it yet. Too soon. Too early to get things progressed on that. And even after I move, I move again a year later. I'm sick to death of moving. It accomplishes a greater good and I should be enjoying the ride, but I'm not. All I can think about is what I can't do around it.

San Diego Comic Con was this weekend. As much as I am completely burned out on comic cons, I still desire to go out and be a part of it again there. Just for the travel and vacation. I'm addicted to this online youtube channel, ADAM THE WOO and his DAILY WOO channel. He travels and does vlogs about various places he's been. He's out LIVING HIS LIFE. I'm sitting idle. Stressed and punching myself into the ground. I have plans galore. But the drive is waning day to day. Some days I feel like I'm on and kicking ass again, but majority its just sitting here. I don't know why I can't get rolling like I used to. I hate it.

I think the clutter around me is cluttering my mind. So much to do. So much waiting to get done and I can't just yet. I just need a change of surroundings and progress to get rolling. Takes two things: TIME and PROGRESS. One is my job. I can't move time but I can move progress forward. Let's hope I get the machine in gear soon. Just good thing I got plenty of gas.

Lots of miles to go though. On a lot of things.

Have a great week my friends. Thanks for reading.

T

P.s. I thought a blog was for entertainment!?!?! Sorry it seems so down and depressing. But hey, I'm alive, aware.... and that's something.