A Hundred Thoughts at Once

Hello friends!

I don't get much of a chance to write blogs as much as I used to. Just have been in heavy production with the new KICKSTARTER FOR STARSLAM BOOK 4 and commissions. Also my PATREON PAGE. Plus day job taking up lots of time. It is necessary though. I've just been busy. Looking forward to a vacation we will be taking to Lake Michigan in September for a couple nights of camping. To get away from it all is very much desired. I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet and nature surrounding me. Just disconnect and get away from it all. That is what I need!

My mind is so busy lately. So much going on. So many things that attempt to bring me down. I got a new sketchbook yesterday and it exploded into some sketches, writings and single panel comics all in one day. I've done this sort of thing since high school. I write poems, do quick sketches, to do lists and other various notes and ideas I hope to one day get to. I think I have about twelve fully loaded sketchbooks full of things. Maybe someday my kids will read them. But I've wrote some DARK shit in those. I hope they don't think I was a massive depressive person all my life! Usually my sketchbooks are for therapy. I get out the crap I am feeling. Seems like something new is always around the corner to come along and try to fuck me up. But that's life, isn't it?

Things are okay. My bills are paid. My Kickstarter is off to a good start. I'm pretty sure things will keep rolling and it will get funded. Its slowly trickling together. I'm damn proud of it. My colorist is working extra hard to get things rolling with me and he's kicking so much ass. I have some friends doing pinups and fan art for the book and beyond. Its incredible to see! I'm truly blessed in these things.

This week, this album turns 25 years old:

This is an album in my top 10 of all time. I got turned onto it by my friend Tim, to whom I am forever grateful for that. It took me a while to fully listen to it beyond a casual listen. I pulled it out while I was in some down times back in 2015. I call it the "soundtrack to my divorce" album. It was my therapy. It helped me fall in love again. I owe a lot to this album. I became a total Jeff Buckley fan, chasing down every live CD/DVD, his demos of his unreleased second album. I have all the Record Store Day releases too. Just a month ago I found the LEGACY edition with the extra disc and DVD full of videos and documentaries. Jeff was that soul of a poet whose life was taken from us way too soon. But man, what an album to leave behind. So fucking great.

Currently also I have been listening to this:

I saw the movie in the theaters a couple weeks ago and I absolutely loved it. My favorite of the year so far. The soundtrack comes complete with radio ramp ups and commercials. You toss it on and its like you are cruising around in 1969. I know people are trying to assign a certain agenda and crap to Tarantino now, but I think the man is just wonderful. He is my favorite modern director out there. I love all of his films. My favorites being Kill Bill and Jackie Brown. Just fucking awesome.

I don't get out to the comic shop much but I am absolutely loving the new YEAR FIVE Star Trek series from IDW. The art and writing on it are top fucking notch. I think I practically own every single STAR TREK comic that is out there. These new ones are greatness. Total wood.

And I am still diving through STAR TREK DISCOVERY, despite my initial reaction to it. I am almost done with the first season. As a show, I like it. As a STAR TREK show, I don't. But I do watch it. I like most of the characters. I just try to not pay attention that it is a Star Trek prequel and just think its an alternate timeline. Much like I think STAR TREK PICARD will be. But hey, at least I am getting new Star Trek. I'll take it.

So many cool things are coming. A BREAKING BAD movie, THE MANDALORIAN, STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER, GHOSTBUSTERS REMASTERED for PS4, LINKS AWAKENING and DRAGON QUEST 11 for Switch... I'm just bursting. Good shit is on the way! I can't wait.

I got big things coming up. I got this current Kickstarter that is running. Then Fantasticon Mt. Pleasant in October. A nice vacation in September and of course HALLOWEEN SEASON all the fall! Greatness just around the corner. For now, I just gotta clean house, keep drawing and enjoy the ride. Keep that depression and the toxic people at bay. I'm doing a good job of it so far. But man sometimes it is so hard.

I'm trying, folks. I really am.

Cheers, T

Roller Coaster

Another deep post. Not super uplifting, so be warned. 

Just in another one of my turns downward. I've been riding a high the last couple weeks while even deflecting some BS in my life. But I've been proud of myself because I have been handling things well. I've stayed productive and been there for others who needed me. I felt like that would be enough but it wasn't. Yesterday I fell hard again into the depression. The endless roller coaster of up and down. I hate it, believe me. 

When that happens, I either want to get super vocal and turn it into something. (Art, podcast, comic, writing, etc.) Or I get very very very quiet. I want to disconnect. And since one of the major things to lead me to the depression was the ever enduring battle of the goddamn mother fucking piece of shit Facebook addiction (Which I thought I had licked btw), I decided its time to end the bullshit. I put out an announcement on the platform saying "yes, this is one of those I'M LEAVING FACEBOOK posts." I figured I owed it to people who do care and look at my online presence there as a sort of light in their day. I certainly am not seeking attention by posting something like that. Not in a "poor me, please console me" kind of way. Just in a "hey, this isn't healthy for me anymore so if you want to follow me elsewhere, here is where" kind of way. If they care enough, they will seek me out. I'm not hard to find. I gotta quit paying attention to the numbers and base my "worth" on those things.

The reasons are various and I won't go into them. Doesn't matter. Point is, that it is causing me to stumble and it needs to be tossed away. I can already hear my brain say "but what about this or that person, or this group or this band?" I just gotta stop listening to it. I can follow whatever band or person at another site. I can get my news elsewhere. Just gotta disconnect. Gotta stop the anger there. Its like putting your finger in the hole in the dam. It will work for now. 

I got anger. Deep rooted anger. Some of it got messed with this week. Various sources. I need to feel free to write about it and turn it into something. That is how I deal with things. I mean, my comic PLEASANT LIFE started out about my feelings about my mom's death. Its therapy for me. And I need therapy. I cannot afford it now that my insurance has changed, I gotta start paying on my college loans now after deferring them for almost 15 years and soon my child support will be rising. Seems like for every step I start to get ahead, I get taken back 9 more. Likely I will never get ahead and have it all fixed. Something always pulls me back. 

But that's okay. That is life. So it goes. "It is what it is and whatever," as the RUSH song says (The Garden). I deal with it. 

Things aren't bad. I am blessed in this life. I just confirmed plans to have all three of my boys in the same place on Christmas Day! For me, that is a miracle. I am so looking forward to watching them and my fiancee open their presents together. Then I get to watch them to eat a big meal I will cook. My family. My life. Its my treat for getting through the rough times. It makes it so worth it and it keeps me going. 

I'm seeing new PLEASANT LIFE pages for the first time in many years and it gets me so excited to see it finished. I'm also dreaming of what STARSLAM and the DEFENDERS OF EARTH are doing in the meantime. And yes, ANNA in the apocalypse as well. Other things too. All of it in my brain. I want to do it. I want to see them finished and rolling. 

On the other hand, I also feel a strong urge when I am depressed to do NONE OF THE ABOVE. Just sit on the couch and actually open up the video games, DVDs and books I have acquired recently and just do those things. Maybe Netflix binge on a show I keep saying I will get to, but never have time to. Maybe focus more on my day job that I am spending 50 hours plus a week at. Get better at that. Actually retain things I learn there instead of daydreaming of what I could be doing if I were at home. Or sitting there thinking about why I am angry. (sigh)

The mind is a roller coaster. I fucking hate it. 

Been listening to SLAYER and PANTERA a lot more lately. Drown out the thoughts. Give the anger an outlet. Works sometimes. Its better than listening to something softer, because the fear that I might cry at my desk is very real. 

Some days I am a soldier, beating the things that life tosses at me. I'm a boxer, getting up and going in for another round. Other times I feel like a raw nerve or a frayed, exposed cord. Just don't mess with me. Don't talk to me. Leave it alone. Danger! Better yet, toss me in some water so it finishes itself off.

I go back to the Rocky quote of: “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”

Depression sucks. We all go through it. We all got shit life is tossing at us. Sometimes I think my load is unbearable and then I hear about someone else's and think: "That would break me." But they are still standing. Its an inspiration like no other to see that shit go down. Sometimes I get a message or email saying I've inspired someone or they know exactly how I feel. That means the world to me. Makes me feel like I can keep pushing through and be okay. Just be okay. That's what I need to do. 

I'm trying, folks. I really am trying. 

I've got this far! 

Thanks for reading and your love, support. Until next we talk, keep your head up. I'll do the same. Keep striving onward and upward. I know I always will too.

--T

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Gobble Gobble my friends.

This year for Thanksgiving we are spending the day at my GFs parents, eating hearty, watching the Lions lose, and being merry. Then Fri through Saturday its back home for busy time. Except I have to work. I also gotta finish these cards like THIS WEEKEND in order to meet deadline. I got about 25 left to pencil/ink and about 60 to color. Ill make it, no problem. There is so many other things to do. I got a TO DO list a mile and 3/4ths long. I got some anger about some things going on, but also a lot of excitement as well. Nothing I want to spoil quite yet but things are about to get crazy here in Talleyland.

Its been a busy few weeks and last night, mentally, I kinda went to the zoo. I lost my mind about some stuff going on. I just simply lost it with anger and the stress of everything Ive been drifting through lately boiled over. But I did not drink, I did not cry. I just rolled through it. I got home and watched some Curb Your Enthusiasm and went to sleep. This morning I am better and ready to let it roll off my shoulders.

All I can have this morning is gratitude. Things I am thankful for. Like having a good job, my bills are all paid thanks to my hard work, loving and supportive fans around the world, a great relationship, great kids, any toy or cd/dvd/record I could want, etc. I could list them all but Ill just keep the good thoughts internal so they fight off all the bad think pain thoughts. So much great stuff is coming. So much... I truly feel like its going to be okay and everything I am working so damn hard for is going to come to fruition. Some major hurdles are about to be jumped over and kicked to the ground. Positive things are happening. Stuff that makes me excited to make it happen and enjoy the experience while it lasts!

And that is just in my personal life. In my professional life, at the day job Im about a NOIINE (Stern show reference) and in my second job, Im quickly approaching a personal TEN! I pencilled and inked two short stories for the Patreon page. I am getting these new sketch cards out the door. I am finally ramped up and better at consistency at getting things done. I ordered the books for the new Kickstarter and I am doing commissions and sketches for it. Everything Ive had on hold is now starting to come together. Its an exciting time.

When I think of these things, this greatness to come (personally and professionally), it is hard to dwell in the anger that derailed me last night. I am ashamed I let it get to me. Because in the end, it really does not matter. The only thing that matters is how I feel about things and my efforts to make things in my life happen. And right now, things are going great. You will see some of the positive stuff coming my way very soon.

Anyway, how about some pics?

We started XMAS shopping early. Lily Munster always likes the boxes we bring in.

Lilly and Luna Butt, sitting in a tree....

My one relaxing time the last few weeks was another Nintendo get together. I got to beat Kung Fu, TMNT 4 and played a few others. Always important to let loose and party like the old, old men that we are... Do we slay hookers and slam some blow and booze? No... we slam simple beers and play 30 year old video games. Look out ladies, HOT!!!

I am putting it all together. I am keeping it all together. In 2018, we shall all reap the results!

Happy Holiday to those who celebrate. May your turkeys be tasty and your taters be fluffy. I know mine will be.

~~T

Fighting Fatigue and Depression

Its coming up behind me again. I can feel it. I don't want it, but its coming fast.

It seems like all this year I've been fighting goddamn depression. I've seen therapists. I've tried meditation and relaxation podcasts. I've tried to revert to things I used to listen to and think about when I was younger. Some days I feel much better and feel like, "I'M BACK!" But most I'm just sitting and it feels like I am waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. 

Little things set me off and derail me. Stress about work. Stress about stuff on my TO DO list. The fact that I haven't touched a pencil in well over a month. Stress about the things my loved ones all around me are going through. Worry about my dad or my kids. Worry about my Girl and her problems she faces. Worry about finances and lacking things like time. I just want to pull my hair out and scream loudly. But mostly I just sit quietly. Listen to podcasts or music. Anything to distract me from myself. 

I'm tired from stress and shit going on around me. Politics. Threat of nuclear war. Pop culture BS. Idiots still not waking up and listening to reason. Down to the fact that I stubbed my toe this morning. It all falls into a big mental soup that I'm trying to gulp down. But its pissing me off. 

I think about all I have to do and how most of it I cannot do yet because of this or that reason. Even if I had a vacation, I don't know what I would do with myself. Probably do what I always do when I have a day off... nothing. Just sit and do nothing. Waste time online or something.

Its weird because there are so many positives going on. My friend had a successful kidney transplant and therefore her and her hubby will grow old together. I'd see her hubby at work just bummed out and my heart was just sinking. The thoughts that your girl might not be here a year from now and the helplessness that must cause. How I couldn't help because my organs are (most likely) absolute shit. But now that's all better. She's doing great, the donor (her friend) is doing great and she'll be home probably the end of this week. Its wonderful news!

Three of my friends bought and moved into new houses this week. I envy them greatly and am so happy for them. They deserve it! Its happiness I wish I could have myself. But I likely won't. Still, I can relate to their joy. Its awesome news!

Another friend is getting ready to have their first baby. They've been renovating their house (nesting) to get ready for its arrival. It reminds me of when I went through all of that. It makes me happy for them. They got so much joy coming. And I know nothing will dampen that joy or steal it from them. Its great to see!

My depression is a combo of many things. Past, present, future all collides in my brain. Mostly its present and future shit I am taking on. I am trying so hard to BE HERE NOW and sometimes I am. Sometimes my actions can be pure and I can joke around again. But inside I am screaming. Inside I am crying. Inside I am creative and it needs to burst out of me. I just need the breakthrough.

Man, I've been this way all year. What the fuck is my problem?

All I know is that I am tired. Of this and everything else. One line from a movie circles my head over and over. It haunts me and stuns me into fear.

"What if this is as good as it gets?"

What I gotta decide is if that is enough or can I strive for more? I can finish what I need to finish. But can I grow beyond it? Who the fuck knows. And I got less shit on my plate then other people I know, so what am I whining about?

That is the circle in my head. Anyway, thanks for reading. Onward.

--Much Love, T

p.s. At least I got a close friend coming this weekend to drink booze with me. That might be EXACTLY what I need.

PROGRESS!!!! (And comments on current events)

Hey friends!

After my last blog post I am happy to say that I actually took a day (my one day off that I mostly used to regulate my sleep) and did some work on the new book. I did a shit load of word balloons and colored three pinups. I got a massive chunk of it done and I am sharing some pics of progress below. SAFE FOR WORK and spoiler free of course. But enjoy the newest thing to come (very soon)!!!

Before we get to that, some comments on recent events:

---San Diego Comic Con brings a lot of cool news and things. Here is a list of things I got comments on:

1-JUSTICE LEAGUE TRAILER: Looks fine but sometimes modern movies just feel too flashy for me and might give me an epileptic seizure! The movie in my head will always be Chris Reeve, Michael Keaton, John W. Shipp and Lynda Carter playing those roles... But I'll never get that. I've always leaned toward DC titles more than Marvel, so lets see what happens. Likely I will be seeing that quickly unless reviews are abysmal.

2-STAR TREK DISCOVERY TRAILER: (Sigh) It is what it is and I will give the series a chance. Again, my TREK will always be everything from 1966-2002. Minus Voyager and Enterprise. So this is all we got. Whatever. Its... yeah, whatever. At least some of the gadget designs are inspired of TOS era stuff. That is something I guess. But so far I've seen nothing that makes me excited to see it. On the other hand...

3-THE ORVILLE: Now THIS is more like it! I'm super excited to see this show.

4-TREK TOYS: McFarlane does a run of TOS toys. Cool. (sigh) I'll need to get a second job soon.

5-DC VERTIGO: Good new art and the tease date of 080818 has me curious. More SANDMAN? Maybe something else? Cannot be more PREACHER without Steve Dillon. We'll see.

6-PREACHER (Rest of season 2 trailer): The HERR STARR stuff is awesome! I'm excited about it, of course. Season 2 has been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy better than the first one.

7-BLADE RUNNER 2049: I'm not the most massive BLADE RUNNER fan, but the trailer looks like fun. Maybe I will revisit the flick. Somehow the first movie missed my radar as a kid.

8-STRANGER THINGS 2: Yes!

---LINKIN PARK singer suicide thoughts: I wasn't a fan of the band and I had the anger on because they "replaced" Scott Weiland in STP with this dude. Not his fault, but still. Anyway, apparently he and Chris Cornell were close. Some weird shit is going down. But if it truly isn't some weird conspiracy and is a suicide as it appears to be.... I will get in trouble for my stance on this, but it seems like there is this weird movement of "accepting" suicide when it happens. Look, your life is your life and yeah, I understand pain and its your right to check out if you want. But it really devastates those around you, whether you think it wont or not... it does. Both of these dudes leave behind a family and kids that will have to grow up with that shit. As a father myself, it pisses me off. Forget about the fans and all that... what about their kids? To me, its a selfish act. Not a cowardly act, but just extremely selfish. I gotta think that somehow substances might influence or alter brain chemistry to allow such a thing to stay in the mind. I've been to the point of thinking in that ballpark of suicidal thoughts many times in my life. But I will never do it because it will hurt those I care about. So I suck whatever it is I am feeling up and ride the wave. Things get better. Things will change if you want them to. I understand circumstances like disease and other stuff. I respect people's wishes. But man, I could never do something like that to those I care about. I don't get it. If you are feeling these thoughts, please reach out. Call someone or one of the anonymous phone help lines. Life is a gift and its always better above ground. I mean, we got burritos up here. And Lord of the Rings. And good STAR WARS and STAR TREK flicks. And THE BEATLES' music!!!! C'mon now. We live in a great time. Sure there are assholes and shit to slug through, but man we got some good shit going on too if you look around. Reach out and it will reach back. I promise. Life is for the living.

Okay, here are the pics I promised. Enjoy! (Its all coming soon!)

---T

Of Dreams Broken and Mountains To Climb

Yesterday I felt very gutted. Very hurt and empty. As yet another dream was denied me. I went for a consultation to get a mortgage for a house and it was declined. The dude worked with me for a long while. We tried resuscitating the dream, trying to make it live. We crunched the numbers and we went about every scenario possible, but alas, it just isn't going to line up.

...For now.

There is too much from my past holding me back. I pay too much in child support. I got a mountain in unpaid college loans. A few other things, mostly related to a previous relationship. In the end, it is what it is. And the dreams I've been having of getting my own place, mowing my own lawn, space for my kids, myself and a future investment for my kids is just not going to happen.

...For now.

In order for it to eventually happen, I'm standing at the base of a mountain. I'm just standing there, staring up at it. No climbing gear. Wondering if I should even bother to start climbing it.

I've been in this position before in my life. You see, owning my own home has been a dream of mine all my life. I have lived in over 17 different apartments. Yes, 17. I have moved a total of 32 times as well. I'm tired of moving. I'm tired of not owning what and where I live. I got a pile of stuff in boxes for "one day I can have it at my house." No room to use it or display it. I constantly scan websites of interior design and decorating that I could do in this dream home. But along the way, my life and the damage that has happened has held that dream back and apparently will continue to do so.

Like I said, I've been in this position before. Staring up at a mountain of a dream. I climb and then slide off. Failure. I've had many dreams in my life but usually they don't pan out the way I want them to. We cannot control everything in the world and we cannot make things line up exactly how we want it to. So it goes. It is what it is. And we pat ourselves on the back and say "well, at least I tried."

Yesterday I didn't feel like patting myself on the back. "Good try, next time," I'd say. No. I felt like crawling inside myself and screaming: "THIS IS YOUR FAULT. You should have tried harder in school. You shoulda paid on those loans. You shoulda saw what happened to you coming. You shoulda, you shoulda, you shoulda..." I'm very good at taking on blame that usually isn't mine. It might be the trait I excel at the most.

There are ways to make the dream happen. But I'm hyper aware of the clock ticking behind me. And after so many shattered dreams from my past now haunting me, I am scared to climb up again. Another dream gone. So maybe I should settle. Maybe I should be happy with what I got. Maybe I got just enough and I don't need anything else. Maybe I'm just jealous of others who got it and I don't. etc. etc. etc. After all, maybe I should listen to Tom Waits... and this song that I listened to yesterday:

House Where Nobody Lives

There's a house on my block
that's abandoned and cold
Folks moved out of it a
long time ago
and they took all their things
and they never came back
Looks like it's haunted
with the windows all cracked
and everyone calls it
the house, the house where
nobody lives.

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
or did someone do somebody wrong?

Well the paint was all cracked
It was peeled off of the wood
Papers were stacked on the porch
where I stood
and the weeds had grown up
just as high as the door
There were birds in the chimney
and an old chest of drawers
Looks like no one will ever
come back to the
House where nobody lives

So if you find someone
someone to have, someone to hold
Don't trade it for silver
Don't trade it for gold
I have all of life's treasures
and they are fine and they are good
They remind me that houses
Are just made of wood
What makes a house grand
Ain't the roof or the doors
If there's love in a house
It's a palace for sure
Without love
It ain't nothin but a house
A house where nobody lives

So yes, maybe this dream slips away... for now. Maybe I will climb the mountain and get rid of all that holds me back and achieve the dream. I got a few other mountains staring at me too. I'm stuck in the valley looking up at all of them. No climbing gear. No tent to rest in. Just me. So do I have the will to walk up to one and get it going? Or to start chopping it down with the edge of my hand, like Jimi Hendrix said? Good question. 

Let's find out...

--T

My Shitty Brain

Hey friends.

Thought I would update about nothing in particular. My new FB page has a way of warning me when I am not posting enough, so I thought I would try to write this morning to shut it up with a post about a new blog here. I don't have much to say as there hasn't been much going on. This past weekend I had my kids so I didn't get any work done. I was feeling down in the dumps a bit too and for no particular reason, really. This week was my friend Caleb's birthday (RIP) and also money has been kinda tight, so I haven't had much to go out and play with. I got a TO DO list a mile long and I'm swiping away with it a day at a time. Maybe that all has something to do with it.

My sleep is erratic as well due to a 4:30am wake-up to get the kids on Saturday. I find that the older I get, the worse I am to re-cooperate when my sleep pattern gets fucked up. It takes a few days. And by the time I right myself, I have to do it all over again. I woke up at 6am this morning after going to bed at 2am last night. See what I mean? Makes my brain go haywire sometimes.

But that's the day to day juggle. Not much else to say about it. Some days I am good and some days I have the feels about one thing or the other. Mostly about the things I gotta get done or friends/family that are gone. Sometimes its the bullshit going on in the world, politics, etc. I know I suffer from depression but for the most part, I feel like I got it handled. I'm ok. And that's all I need to be sometimes, you know? And then sometimes I just like to have a nice drink and forget about it all for a little while. I think when I do that, I scare some people. Like maybe I make people think I am worse off than I am. For example this weekend:

I didn't intend for my tweet to be a "cry for help" type of situation. But this person reached out and made me feel better. I certainly appreciate it! But please, don't think I'm whining or in dire need for attention or validation. I'm doing ok. But it means the world to me when people do reach out and care like this person did above. So often we create in a vacuum and now that the convention world has completely changed and its harder to get that face to face thumbs up from your peers and fans, to feel validated or that you matter at all can sometimes be a stretch for people at my level.

But I do get lots of emails, PMs and messages back that do show that, yes indeed, I am loved and I DO feel it. Thank you very much, folks. Its this back and forth from me to you that I have worked hard over the years to cultivate. I have pumped out weekly content for years and years on this blog and my podcasts. In this, I've strived to be brutally honest and open at all times. I've teased and revealed. I've shared and lost. I've struggled and celebrated. Its all on here and nicely archived. These things are my therapy as much as the occasional drink some booze/listen to Bob Dylan private sessions I have with myself. Its how I deal with things.

So please know, things are going good. I'm getting work done, I'm losing weight (down 11 pounds now), I'm going out and doing things (seeing TOOL live tomorrow) and I got a support group all around me to keep me sane. Bills are paid, I got things I like and love... I'm good. I really am. I know I am blessed in this life. And I appreciate you folks checking me out and keeping me in your life. I see the downloads, the likes, the reposts, the views on all my stuff and I take note of who is paying attention. I appreciate it.

All of this will not go unrewarded! The comics I got going will come out. The books I have promised will come out as well. There is so much work to do before I can sit back and relax. And I'm sure much more after that. It won't stop until I do.

Anyway thanks for the continued love and support, my friends. Much love to all of you.

------NOTES/PLUGS------

New episode of the IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW, I review the new Roger Waters album! Stream it HERE - Also subscribe Via ITUNES! And while you are there, leave a comment. It helps my numbers and ratings. I appreciate it.

You can download PDFs of all my major comic graphic novels via Gumroad right now for the cheap price of $5 each! Download and read on your device of choice! Buy em right HERE
-or- If you prefer physical copies you can get them at my online store right HERE - Each book gets a hand drawn sketch inside as a bonus and a thank you.

Episode 500 of the IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW PODCAST is coming soon! If you got a question to be answered live on the air or a suggestion for a show topic, hit me with an email right here: phymns@yahoo.com

--T

Same Ol Same Ol

Here I am. No worries. Well, some were worried. I got messages from folks who were worried because its not like me to not post a blog twice weekly. I think its been about two weeks since the last one. Even longer for a podcast.

Truth is there's a few things going on and ways to explain my absence:

 #1 My major "production at home" days were Sundays. Now I am down to two of those because I keep my kids Sat-Monday morning twice a month so that knocks two of them out. The other two are usually reserved for some business that I don't have time to do during the week. So I get two nights free a month really. It kind of sucks but so it goes. At least I get to see my boys more. But that means that any time at home to do stuff like that usually takes a back seat. And my two Saturdays free a month involve time with D that we don't get during the week or with friends.... or severely drinking til passing out.

#2 Thing going on is that I am back into a major depression swing. I had to leave my therapist for several reasons and I am seeking a new one. I thought I was through some shit but apparently there's plenty more that has bubbled to the surface to help destroy what sanity I've tried to claim for myself. So I have wrote, but its been in private.... and you don't want to read what I wrote. Here on the blog and social media, I try to stay somewhat upbeat and positive. I'm supposed to be entertaining you folks. All my other writings shows a person in constant fear of rejection, inadequacy and emptiness. Its full of fear at every perceived failure and an endless need for acceptance and meaning. Its not fun to read. But it helps on some level. It gets it out of my brain. But it is easy to spiral down into the hole I've created for myself and just get the stone face.

I've really always been this way. Ever since I was a kid. It is hard to find someone who can deal with me when I'm like this and not take it personally. Thank the lords for Kitty D, who totally understands and helps me cope with myself when I am like this. We have a nice special mixture and can take on the drama when it heads our way. I got some doozies I'm dealing with right now. But she's there and helping me where she can. That is a good feeling.

You always try to dwell in the good feelings.

On the production front, you'll be surprised to know that I have been very productive on comics and things. I penciled ten more pages last week and things are rolling right along. I got a big new batch of pages to send to my colorist and I am coloring my own pages for my other projects too. Perhaps I owe you an update:

STARSLAM 3 - I got 45 pages in the can, complete. Another 22 are ready to be scanned and colored. We're getting into the major points of the storyline. So far there are about 6 major sex scenes... and thats SO FAR. So there is lots of nudity and sex this time around. I'm going all out for this last book!

PATREON R.I.P. - What does that mean? Well, I've done a lot of thinking about it, while still working on pages and things for it, but I decided that I cannot do a patreon. I just cannot guarantee my output with the depression issues and the carpal tunnel now limiting my drawing and writing. Its frustrating but I have to be honest with myself. I'm on a time limit with what I can do and how fast I can do it now.

BUT----- I still got these stories, pinups, written sex stories and things Ive sat on for years now. I decided that I will finish them and collect them in a new tradebook to be launched on Kickstarter. Probably before STARSLAM 3 comes out. Maybe end of summer-ish. I have a title and a premise. Its basically a sex anthology. For those that love my stuff, you'll love it! It will be around 120 pages or so and I cannot wait for you guys to see it. It collects everything erotica that I've done beyond STARSLAM. So that is exciting, right? Look for that soon.

PLEASANT LIFE 2 - I'm still working on it sporatically. I'm trying to decide how I want to get it out into the world. Eventually I'll probably try a Kickstarter to grab new fans for the series... but I do expect the numbers to be less considering it has no titties in it. But expect that next year.

WISE INTELLIGENCE - Remember this? This was a 4 issue mini series that writer Ryan McLelland and I did almost a decade ago. Terry Moore (SIP) did a cover for it even! We decided to get EVERYTHING together for this project and release it via kickstarter. I'm likely going to let him handle that, as I have enough on my plate right now. But I will be putting the book together for him and doing new stuff for it most likely. Will be nice to put a button on that book and have a nice collected trade of those comics that very few have seen! More on this later.

NOVELS -- Right now I got two novels (the short story/poem anthology and the tell all of my porn store days) in production. They've taken a back seat to the comics. I think once those are out my way, I'll get these done. Hopefully by Xmas or early next year. Because I have my first original novel (fiction) that I am itching to work on after that. Its something I've been half working on and writing dialog on for a few years now. Its a great idea and I would love to get it done... but all this other stuff has to get out of the way first. But consider this a tease.

So there ya go. Stuff is happening, despite my depression. I'm alive. Sometimes I'm angry about it, but I am alive. I know, that sounds dark. But I'm just being honest. I am determined to grow out of the depression that happens and continue my work. I'm determined to face everything the universe throws at me. Cause I'm not afraid to face it. I'll certainly bitch about it, but I will face it all. Sometimes, you just have to climb the mountain yourself just to show people that it can be done. I know I inspire others by what I'm doing and I am not going to let them down. I'm not doing all of this for me, I'm doing it for you. I hope you know that.

Anyway, here are some pics of things beyond all this depressing shit. KITTIES!!!!!!!!

Cuteness overload.

Sebastian. We picked the right one I think.

We will miss this Grey goober when she goes to her new home though.

Mommy is still protective.

Scott Bot lounges around.

What do a bunch of thirty something guys do when they get away from the girls for a night? Do they hit the strip club and the hooters? Nope. They have a NINTENDO PARTY! A bunch of my co-workers got together a couple weeks ago on my only night off and did this gathering where we played through Ninja Gaiden 2, Punch Out, Excitebike, Kung Fu and many other games. It was a lot of fun and we're already planning NES championship night 2. 

Lastly, a note a screenshot reminding me that there are some out there who care: 

I thank everyone for their messages and care. I'll be okay, no worries. I'm gonna work with this new therapist and get to a good place with the shit plaguing me. But rest assured... THE WORK WILL CONTINUE!

Cheers, T

37... In a Row??

Welcome my friends!

Today I turn 37 years old. 37? In a row? (old CLERKS joke for those of my generation) And in my 37 years on this planet I wish I had some profound wisdom to share with you. I don't. I just am roughing the mileage and keep on driving forward. Its all you can do sometimes.

But today I celebrate not only the passing of another year of my life, my parents for their love and support, my dear mother and her giving birth to me on this day 37 years ago, but I celebrate my life. Some of you know 2014 wasn't the greatest year in my personal life. In fact, it all came crashing down little by little until I came out the other side living a completely different life.

 Change is hard and sometimes life throws you challenges that you just don't think you can deal with. I found myself against the highest wall of challenges I've ever had to face. Maybe ever will have to face. I am not sure yet. But it was scary and I just couldn't handle it. My depression and feelings got so dire that I considered offing myself at one point. I'm ashamed to say it now, but its true. I went into a drugstore and bought a bottle of pills. I had planned to crush up the pills, add it to a drink and swallow it whole. I had no idea if it would work or not. I am not the best planner of things that cause suffering to myself, but I had heard that it would do the trick. I remember a night back in December where I just sat with the bottle of pills and stared at them for at least 5 minutes. I didn't think about anything or anyone. I just sat there. Staring at them. My ticket away from all of this. I didn't think about my dad and what this would do to him. Or my kids, or any of my friends. I just wanted to do something selfish and a final statement. Sometimes, life just tosses you too much. I felt completely justified.

I was at a point to where my entire world as I had known it had come crashing down. Everything I had believed and built up to be true was gone. I didn't want to start over. I didn't want to be anything anymore. I didn't know what I could do. I felt just "in the way." I almost felt like I HAD to do it. It just made the most logical sense. Cause what else could I have left in the tank? How can I beat all of this that now faced me? As the song "Wither" by Dream Theater says: "I drown in hesitation, my words come crashing down. And all my best creations, burning to the ground. The thought of starting over leaves me paralyzed. Tear it out again, another one that got away." I just didn't think I could face it. My anger, my confusion, my bitterness and my sorrow all surrounded me. I just had to do this. It made the most sense.

I sat there in the middle of another sleepless night. Alone. Ready to do this great harm to myself and everyone I ever cared about. But then it happened.... Two things popped into my head. Two simple phrases. I'm not sure where they came from, but they arrived swiftly. Like they were whispered into my ear from a distant voice far away. It said two simple things:

"The world needs people like you." and "You're not done yet."

That little voice helped me realize a truth that I needed to hear. I've been accused of being "too nice" a guy sometimes. I let people walk all over me and I open myself up too greatly. It allows a lot of potential for trust and for people to hurt me. I've never gone out of my way to hurt someone. Even a complete stranger. Its not in my nature to want to hurt anyone. I'm not a good liar. I just can't hurt people. I get scared that I will. I have anxiety that I'll create another situation where I bothered someone and I'll beat myself up for it every day. But in the end, that ain't a bad way to be. The world does need more people like that.

And "you're not done yet." It made me think about all I wanted to still do. The stories I wanted to write and draw. I wanted to make more music. I wanted to travel and see places I've never seen. I want to see my kids grow up and become men. Maybe I can be a good influence in their lives instead of giving them horrible memories and sorrow with this stupid, selfish act I was wanting to do. Again, I'd be hurting someone besides myself. But I also thought about the fact that doors are closed sometimes, but another one always opens. And thats where you are meant to go.

What happened in my life last year wasn't done maliciously. Its all just some of those things that happens in life sometimes. Its just a pity I wasn't on the same page with some of it. But it happens. I am not angry or bitter about it. I accept it now. I took all the gut punches and stood right back up. Millions of people have gone through some of this and even worse. In many ways, I am very lucky that it is panning out as smoothly as it has so far. I still have good days and bad, but its getting easier. The smoke is clearing and clarity is booming brightly. And like I said here on this blog before, I'm grateful now for all that life has thrown at me. Because its shown me how strong I am. Today's pain is tomorrow's strength. Everyone has suffering or a pain they have to endure. And sure, mine is a big motherfucker. But I am facing it. And I'm still fucking standing.

I took that bottle of pills and threw it away before I moved. Its gone, along with all the dark thoughts that accompanied it. I'm now in a one bedroom apartment. Alone, for the first time. Sometimes it sucks. Other times, its kind of nice. I've now got freedom I've never had before. I am opening myself up to parts of myself I've kept closed and quiet for too long. I'm deciding new things about Adam 3.0. One big question at the start of this is: WHO AM I NOW? I find that I am still me. I still hang my Cds, vinyl, posters and some toys proudly. I've still got a pencil and micron pen in my hand. I still blog and podcast. I still jam to music I love and thirst for more music I have yet to discover. I keep searching Google Earth for places I want to go to one day. I've re-discovered my zeal for the work-week. I scored two almost full time jobs in an effort to pay my bills and start to save money. To build a whole new life. A better one. Because I am a better person now and I deserve it.

I don't share all of this dark knowledge with you to get attention or to have a great story to tell. I tell it because #1-I'm always an honest dude and #2-Every journey has darkness and light and it would be selfish for me not to share what I learned from my darkness. And as the great Stanley Kubrick said: "However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." I've done that and I've come out the other side, wanting to share the concept that no matter how shit goes down in our lives, and we're given more than we think we can bare, we can still keep standing. I have not had any more dark thoughts since that night a month ago. Instead its been slowly getting brighter. I am not scared of myself or whats around me anymore. And throughout all of this, I've seen so many people stand up and reach out to me, grabbing me to make sure I don't fall. I've seen who truly cares for me. Its shown me that I've worked hard all my life to be a decent dude and with that came this group of great friends that will always be there for me. I cannot express enough what that means for me.

Today I am getting over a sore throat and a bit of a cold. But I'm up now and I am gonna finish hanging some posters in my new home. Tonight, some friends of mine are coming over. They are travelling from all over the state to come see little old me. I'm gonna drink a bit, listen to some of my favorite music, swap stories, play games, whatever. But most importantly? I'll be alive. I'm living again.

That's all I'll ever need.

Here's to another 37 years of a great life!

--T

p.s. I realized that most likely, today is the first birthday in a loooong time where I won't get any sort of naughty birthday sex. Its a bummer. But I am sure I will treat myself to a special birthday toss off! 

Kickin' Ass and Chewing Bubblegum

...and I'm all out of bubblegum.

This month or so, I settled into a nice groove of daily work. I work in the morning after Scotty gets on the bus, then during James' naptime and then at night when the kids are asleep. Maybe a total of 8 hour work days at home. Feels extremely good to be back into a nice pattern of work. I've got so much done in the last couple weeks. Starslam pages are almost fully colored and ready to do word balloons. I finished coloring and resizing my con prints (new and some old), I started drawing a new pinup book for con season 2015 and I designed a new table layout. Also I am busy on a major card set for one of the big companies. I signed two contracts to do two more, so now I am on a total of FIVE card sets throughout the winter. I am going to be busy as fukkkkk.

I cannot tell you how good it feels to be in this groove. Over the summer as you well know, I was majorly derailed by depression, health and stress of everything around me. So much so, I wasn't even finding joy in doing artwork or anything creative anymore. I got to a very low and dark place. But I recognized this and got off the speed train for a bit to regroup. I wanted to see what it all meant for me now. Luckily, the feelings I was having dissolved and on the other side of the thinning fog in my brain I found that I still had the will and know-how to work again. I simply just lost my zeal for it all. I think what zapped me back into reality was writing a new PLEASANT LIFE script. I knew that I was going to do another book, but I need to clear the path to get to it. So one by one I started chipping away at the frozen ice wall of work I have to get done to get there. I am still a ways away, but I will get there. And as I drill down, I will release new stuff that I am just as excited about. Starslam (finally), Anna 2 (FINALLY), Card Sets, Pinup book and a few other things. And somewhere in there will be my porn store autobiography thingie.

Its not a struggle to sit down and get work done anymore. In fact, I look forward to it. Maybe I feel so great cause my health is coming back into order. I am down 35 pounds. I'm off soda completely for months now. I've even dropped caffeine. I went to a doctor and got a checkup (long overdue). My stats looks great. The dizziness I was experiencing has stopped. Maybe a side effect of dropping caffeine or something else, I have no idea. But glad its gone and I feel normal again. I'm just in a real good place and riding the wave again.

I put my notice in at my night job earlier this week. I don't really need the job anymore now that the wife makes more money at her new position and company. Also my freelance work is picking up. The job itself is fine, but adjusting my sleep and sleeping my days off away really sucks. The wife and I have barely seen each other and when I am dog tired, I am angry and snapping at everything and everyone. Not good. Throws my system out of whack. Also, some of the people I deal with are not a good or positive thing to be around. A lot of negativity sometimes. Not as seedy as some other jobs I've had, but just annoyingly angry and bitchy all the time. I have to cut off things that do not serve me. I thought tonight would be my last night but the new person they hired quit abruptly and now I am sort of stuck actually finishing out my two weeks, depending on wife's schedule.  So it goes, but I'll get through it. And when I do, full speed ahead on my REAL JOB!

What I've got coming up in the near future is the launch of the STARSLAM Kickstarter. Its likely the last Kickstarter I'll do for a while as I want to focus on some other funding sources and ideas. then I will have a local signing here in Lansing that we are working the details out on. Other than that, its just getting stuff done and paying off bills. Then saving money for 2015 convention travels. I really want to get back out on the road again. I miss it. I need to get out there again. But I want to bring a ton of shit to show with me. I'll show you all how busy I've been.

Very soon...

In other news, during my downtime I have been enjoying The Munsters on Netflix. I am really in love with that series. Also I got Marc Maron's book "Attempting Normal," which I am enjoying. I'm about halfway through it. Then I got Sean Yseult's White Zombie book next. All great shit!

Anyway folks, no worries. I'm in a good place now and back in the groove. Now go forth and kick some ass of your own! 

Luvs, T

Project Updates

Since clearing my plate of commissions and declining all offers on more undesirable projects and commission work, I have fully focused on myself, my health and my creative health. It is not an overnight process, and it continues to roll on as I update you today. I start a new dayjob this week, as the first one wasn't the most ideal. This new one is a better overall choice and will work quite well as far as working on a nightly schedule of getting things done. I'm looking forward to getting back to a routine that I so severely need to be a part of. It has been severely lacking.

To be assured, it will be a massive adjustment in sleep schedule and a juggle with family life. But I stay on the path and keep rocking, not letting up or the temptations in, once the smoke clears I will be where I need to be. Health-wise, financially, creatively, emotionally and so much more. I have grand plans in my head but I am not holding myself down with them. Just chasing the mere whimsy in my mind as I just keep doing what I do and re-learning why I chose to do it. Also re-finding the joy in doing it too. Again, not going to happen overnight.

Overall, I am still at it. I am happy to say I wrote a great outline for a future project. I edited and added 10 pages of stuff to the porn store book. I have been cleaning up little things here and there around the house. I've done some writing. I spent time watching things I keep putting off, and reading authors I keep hearing about. I've been listening to albums long ignored. And I pencilled the last STARSLAM page. It is only a matter of time for these seeds to bear fruit.

But I am driven by the creativity of those around me and those I look up to. I am driven by the dreams of travelling next year to some shows to see some old friends again. I am driven to be able to better myself and to end the various worries in my head.

Rest assured, I will emerge triumphant. It is inevitable. Even now, unstoppable.

_________

This week: I am interviewing a couple guys I look up to for a future podcast/website post for bigfanboy.com - I am giddy with nervousness about how cool it is to talk to these dudes.

I have also accepted an invite to work on another sketch card set for a big company on a big project. Seems like the less I try, the more I am getting asked! Feels good for a change and I appreciate it.

I am thinking ahead to Anna Pocalypse 2 art and rethinking a few scenes I have already drawn out. Refining. Reinventing. I got some new reference and I am going to be using it. Thats up next and down the road. I'm feeling the drive again to finish it. Thats fucking awesome!

Wheels are turning.  Be warned. When I emerge finally, I'm going to blow all of you away.

T

Taking a Break

I’ve crafted this about a hundred times in my head. Each time the depression sets in, I contemplate this. I weigh the pros and cons of the decision and each time I talk myself out of it. I know there’s no way I can ever quit doing art in some form. Either writing, drawing, creating comics, music… something will always be here for me. Because it is in my soul. It is not a part of me, it IS me. But this time the feeling is stronger than ever and I know this time what must be done. So here I am, making the leap to do what I gotta do.

That’s why coming to this eventual realization has been so difficult for me. I’ve trusted in the winds to blow me where I was supposed to go but lately I keep getting blown back to this big wall. Its too tall to climb alone and I find too many things gluing my feet to the ground not allowing me to soar above it all. I’ve entered the age of 36 not liking what I see in myself. Physically, mentally, creatively. I’ve somehow crafted a future that is bleak and not “me.” I’ve dwelled in the thoughts that I should compare and be in the game, when I am playing something else all together. All in all, it has left me with a feeling of being stunted. Unconfident. Depressed. A great Ennui.

Life has thrown a lot at me, especially this last year. I’ve barely held on. I kept standing. I kept pretending it was all okay. But in reality I was drowning. I was too proud to admit defeat (for now). My health has declined out of control, my finances look like Hiroshima, my family life is a constant struggle and I know I have been strong too long. I never cry. Never. But lately, I do. For no reason whatsoever. But I am too proud to let anyone, even my wife, know it. During times I should be up and working while everyone is asleep, I am sitting in a chair crying. Because I know I cannot do this anymore. I need to change it all. I need a self-imposed rehab of sorts.

It is with all of this in mind, that I am now announcing a break from everything involved with my work. I will not be business Facebooking, Twittering, Deviantarting, Hentai Foundarying, etc. Blogs and podcasts will continue but will be more sporatic. I know there might be something that will pop up that I'll feel strongly enough about to comment on, so blogs and podcasts shall continue but not quite as often as before. All plans for Starslam Kickstarter and digital content launch are on hold until such time as I feel like I can take it on. As of today, my paypal account will be closed down (since it was hacked recently, I got a fear of it anyway). All book sales will still be available but I shall not be taking on any commissioned artwork. All productions shall cease and be shut down for the time being. The time table is for me alone to know. Rest assured this is not the end of me. I will return. But right now there are things I need to focus more attention on and the rat race is dragging me down. I do it to myself, I recognize that, and therefore I am changing it. I just want to play in my own head again. I need to pursue what made me happy about doing anything creative in the first place. I am going to embrace the changes in my life and relieve myself of some pressure. Again, all self-imposed pressure. Not your fault. But I recognize where I am falling short with myself and I am now correcting it.

My creating will continue. I am still going to finish things like Starslam, Anna Pocalypse 2, the porn store novel, etc. But I am not imposing myself on any deadline. I will still take on the occasional sketch card gig from trusted companies. I will still work privately on my own things. However I will not be discussing them as much as I did in the past. Sometimes I feel doing so, for me, is a sort of vanity that makes me feel like such a tool. I feel like I am just verbally jerking off when I do that, when I should be polished enough to just let the work be what it is without a million words why and why not, explaining its existence.

For now, I got a night job and I am going to be focusing on that. Getting back to my roots. Getting out and talking to people again and discovering who I am after living in my own head for so damn long. And before long, the pencil will be picked up and put to paper again. Please, don’t worry about me. This is not a cry for help or attention. This isn’t a career suicide. I’m not jumping off any ledge at all. I am just stepping away from the mic for a while. I’m okay. I just know when I’ve done too much to myself and I need to hunker down and take care of business. I will emerge again like a phoenix out of the fire.

I just simply have to go away for a while, and dream it all up again. Believe me, I’ll be back sooner than you think…. And better than before.

Thanks everyone for your support over the years and don’t worry. I’ll be back to show you whats new again. For now, I am excited for the future and changing my life around for the better. See you on the other side!

Cheers, peace and love,

T

C'mon, Get Happy

--> Every day on social media all I seem to read about are things people are encountering that makes them angry. Its such a relief when I read someone posting something about LIKING something, or having a good day. I decided I wanted to join in. I wanted to write a list of 100 things that make me happy. You should too! Here we go:

-->

My cats doing funny things

Making a friend laugh

Having a great conversation about movies, music or comics

Being deep into a book, that I don’t want to put it down

Historical or musical documentaries

Going shopping for records

Taking in the general vibe of a comic show

Going to a concert

Cooking a big meal and it turns out great

Learning something I never knew

Dissecting an album that I end up loving

A cat’s purr

Feeling creative and having a productive night

Getting lots of minor things off my TO DO list done

Watching a good and funny horror flick

Watching a “cool moment” happen in a pop culture show or movie

Singing along to a song in my car alone

Hearing of a friend’s inspiration or success

Seeing a pretty sky with intricate colors

My wife making me laugh

The kids making progress

Trying on new clothes and they fit and look great

Sitting in a hot tub at the perfect temp

Drinking a well mixed alcoholic beverage

A great fruit smoothie

A bowl of apple slices

A good burger

Online browsing through wiki or random sites

Putting pins on Google Earth of places I want to visit

Going to a museum

Daydreaming about the future

Watching a movie in bed with the wife

Watching Trek while drawing

Realizing that everyone has erotic fantasies and are open minded to them

Finding someone that is kind and polite in every day life

Incense

The smell of an old comic or vinyl record

Getting an unexpected payment

A nice note of praise on deviantart for something I did

Melting snow and the sun shining outside

A good, close football game

Warm socks, fuzzy bathrobe and comfy house pants

Finding an intact toy or game from my childhood at a con or antique store

People that care for others and expect nothing in return

Realizing how much you mean to someone

Trying out a new recipe and not sure if its going to work, then it does

Hot coffee and cocoa

The great transfer on a Blu-ray disc

The clear and deep warm sound of a vinyl record

Meeting people that are comfortable with their personality and body

Getting a good deep hug

Taking good photos and sharking them

Finding a rare, funny photo and making it my profile pic

Listening to an old skit tape I did with Shane

Writing a song and it flows well

Sitting on the pot reading an old magazine I’ve read a million times

Planning a trip or vacation

Trying a new exotic alcoholic beverage

Telling old stories and making others laugh

A cool, well made action figure in the box

Playing old NES/SNES games

Figuring out how to play a song I love accurately

Watching the kids have fun and their reactions to things in the world

Watching the tide on a beach

Having a drawing come out better than you expected

Holding a finished book in your hand, fresh from the printer

Watching someone buy your work and walk away happy

Hearing from that same someone later after they read your book and dug it

Watching fish swim

Watching an old favorite movie

Listening to a movie score, remembering the moments of the movie in your head

Trying out a new dish or restaurant

Cleaning the house and enjoying the hard work and good smells

Doing the deep cleaning/organizing that no one else thinks to do

Sexual intercourse with the wife

Playing a good game with friends

Discovering someone you idolize is coming out with something new

A fast internet connection

Putting on fresh socks

Hand lotion and its various smells

The smell pipe tobacco in a tobacco shop

Enjoying a nice cigar and a stiff drink

Hearing a funny story from a friend

Thinking back to a fun time in my past

That knowing look of comedy between the wife and I

Hearing bots repeat a big word back to me

Getting a call from someone I am missing

Getting a new Horrorhound magazine

Stocking up on art supplies

Being ahead in my work load

Getting offered a new commission out of the blue

Being asked to join an art project

Being on a podcast with friends

Playing the guitar or drums

Going to the zoo

Going to pet stores that have tons of fish tanks

Learning a new skill and being good at it at the start

Enjoying a good Science Fiction story

Enjoying a quiet drive or late night alone so I can work in peace

A cold soda in the morning