FREEBIRD.

Well now that we're damn close to moving, I can now let the "cat out of the bag" so to speak. I tried to keep mum on these things as there are many factors involved and many eyes (even still) watching. So I have to be careful about what I say. Also, I don't know if I should say it. Oftentimes I feel as though I am too blatantly honest in this blog and it invites a lot of things which can turn negative. But I feel that this is a place where you can get inside info on me and my work, but also see a part of my personality and day to day stuff. Good or bad. You are welcome to quietly judge me, of course. There's nothing I can do to stop that from happening. I guess I open myself up perhaps too much. So maybe I should back away from being too open. Well, after this blog, I will. But I feel it is important to bring closure to the events of 2007-2010 in my mind. So here: Why did we move?

1-My job - Those that follow this know I lost my job at the porn shop. In many ways, it was a good thing. But I still was unable to find something in my field in the area at all. Also, going into restaurant management was not an option. It seems that every restaurant in the area is sort of "junky" and filled with folks that don't seem to value good work ethics, a clean store or decent customer service. So it would have been a frustrating time for me to do that. I applied everywhere and no one was hiring. So better job opportunity for me in Lansing (hopefully). I did find a part time job down here, but it was obvious immediately that I did not fit in. Going up the ladder at Walgreens really didn't appeal to me for a variety of reasons I had better not get into. (Eyes watching.)

2-Frustrations with the people - Local people tend to be rude and just plain judgmental. I know, you find that anywhere, but I never really encountered it more than I have behind the counter at Walgreens. Maybe its the customers it attracts, but I don't know. No one seems happy here. There's a real separation of race here too. Like, in St. Joe, its all old white people and in Benton Harbor, its all black and there's sort of this unspoken separation or something. Its hard to describe. I'd rather live in a place with more cultural diversity and not so much separation. All the workers in every shopping place, restaurant or anyplace just seem unhappy and miserable. There's no cheerful people around the area at all. At least, not that I dealt with really. I notice good service when I get it. I notice personality when its given to me. and this area hasn't given it to me in the slightest. Also, some special BS regarding certain people in places of employment which I will not get into (eyes watching).

3-No friends, no family - This is the biggie. I am completely isolated. I've tried to reach out and make friends everywhere I could but it isn't possible. No one around here really is into the things I am into. My family is far away, my friends are even further. It created tons of problems for our respective jobs because we did not have a babysitter at times when we needed one. And that is not fair to the jobs we take on. Acknowledging this fact is a form of us maturing, I would think. In lansing, there are more people closer to my age and I do have friends there. As well as tons of potential to make new friends, especially ones that enjoy the things that I do. Here, I sit alone at home and feel as though I am just sitting, waiting to die.

4-The hospital SUCKS! - When we gave birth to our child, our nurses (most of them) were rude and unsympathetic to our problems at the time. It was their fault that we had to put our child in a better hospital an hour away in the first place. God forbid we'd have some sort of emergency. I said after our experience at Lakeland that if I broke my leg, I'd drive to South Bend or Kalamazoo over going to Lakeland. And I mean that.

5-Closer to my brother and son - Another biggie. I am co-guardian over my brother Michael and I have been slacking on that duty. One day, I will be full guardian and I want to be fully prepared for that. It is a promise I made to my mother on her deathbed and I intend to fulfill it. Also, my son is closer to Lansing as well. So major bonus! (Until he moves)


In addition to this, it will be great to hang out with other artists and get good feedback on my work and be a part of a melting pot of creativity. Also, people closer to my age. Over the last few years, I've felt a lot of changes in my body. Health and what not (what exactly, I will not reveal publicly from this point forth). But also the isolation has been playing tricks with my mind. I don't get out like I used to. I don't take care of my self, mentally or physically. I just have lost a lot of self-worth as a result of that. To be plugged back into a social pipeline will help that. To start to feel my actual age instead of 65 will be great. I'm tired of saying how old and useless I feel, when I should be enjoying my 30's. I do not want to "wait to die" like everyone else around here. I still got a lot of living to do.

I want it noted that I do not regret the decision to move down here when we did. We wanted a place to start a family that was quiet and we needed some "us" time. It was good for our relationship and family. I learned a lot about myself and how the world works sometimes. If we hadn't have moved, I would have eventually lost my job at the paper anyway, so it was good we left when I did. It has been a struggle at times. I believe that when doors close, others are opened. I am a huge believer in the fact that fate shows you where you are "meant" to go. Everything bad or good happens for reasons. And now I feel the strong urge to move on down the road. To something better, something greater.

So, close the chapter on Southwest Michigan. I can honestly say that I will not miss it. The excitement and grand splendor that is before me waiting in Lansing is beckoning me and its one week away. Some great things are ahead for me and my family. GREAT THINGS. I can feel it. Onward and upward folks. Freebird.