BUT -- It would be right for me to just SAY what I did without showing you some of it!!! So here's a sneak peek at what I did... (spoilers? No?)
What on earth is all that about?? Well, all will be revealed soon.... (cue evil laughter)
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In other news, I wanted to talk briefly about something I've been going through lately. I've discussed this on the podcasts I do and sometimes in public. I've just been working on cultivating this head space in my life that will leave me a happy person. As an artist, I am a depressive, anxious, roller coaster ride of a person. Its how us right brained people function. But I've been working to control it for the last couple years. Tiny steps. Like getting rid of crap I don't need. Adjusting my thinking. Glass is half full instead of wondering how the glass came into existence and who took the first half and ranting about how they put it down in the wrong spot!! Just over analyzing things and not being able to enjoy anything! Its no way to live a life. And the more I've worked to distance myself from that, the more I observe others who live in that world and just seem like miserable people. Snarky. Loud. Whiny. Angry. Bitter. Unresponsive. Etc. Its just no way to live a life and I don't have the passion to pursue that anymore.
Its a constant struggle. I'm not saying that I'm now the greatest person on Earth who has total peace. Its a daily thing. But I could see at times my negativity and elitism was effecting my work. Its just not healthy for me. Now, I am not gonna sit here and say that I find some of what people say in this method is not entertaining, because it can be, if given the proper context and the person doing it. Its a case by case basis. But I am saying in general that I am striving to avoid negativity in some things. The daily news. The obsession with things that do not and will not ever directly effect or deserve to be an issue in my life.
For example, this last week I've been hearing about this trial of the woman who was aquitted of killing her kid. Yes, VERY TRAGIC. And its not that I don't care. Its always horrible when something bad like this happens. But why work MYSELF up over it? Everywhere I go it seems people were talking about it and how angry they are. I guess. But I think since I have sorta distanced myself from keeping up with it, it doesn't effect me much. In a way, I feel guilty about that. Perhaps I should be angry and help with the fight. But I gotta think, is that on my back porch? Not that I am passive and sticking my head in the sand to ignore everything. But just not getting as involved or worked up in things. Like celebrity obsession. I used to rant about hating this or that person. But you know, those people entertain people. People like those folks. What does it matter if they like such and such. Does it effect me directly? Not in the slightest. So why work myself up? Seems like a waste of time to me. Precious time I could be using living, creating, spending time with those I love. If I can indeed take anything from this aquittal and all that, is that perhaps I can keep focusing on being a better parent, MYSELF. Not to say I would do anything remotely close to what happened to that poor girl, but it just helps me reflect on my own life and how grateful I am. Does that make sense? I hope so. Don't think me heartless. Don't think I don't care. Its just I don't work myself up over things. Not even politics. I cannot control it. No one can. So I just wait. I wait at the evolutionary ladder and I celebrate our victories, rather than rant about our losses.
Bottom like is that I am pursing inner and outer peace. I am wanting to find a center and achieve an unmovable, unbreakable confidence in my life. I want to remain steadfast and unrelenting. I know some of you folks out there find me entertaining and believe me, I appreciate that. If I have a comment on anything, I'll put it in my work. But from here on out, I am striving to avoid the piss and anger of the internet and all that comes with it. I shall avoid chatrooms and message boards. I shall avoid making snarky or hateful comments on things that don't effect me DIRECTLY. Lastly, I shall be avoiding those who do nothing but talk down at life and just sigh uncontrollable ennui. I may even block or unfollow them. Nothing personal. Its not where and who I want to be anymore. That person is dead. And I am slowly coming back to life. I may slip up here and there. I got years of old habits to break, including many others. But as I work on change, inner change, INNER PEACE, I ask you folks to guide me. And hopefully perhaps I can inspire you to find peace on your own as well. What that means for you, I am not sure. But I hope I can help you find it. Come with me on the journey. Drop the hate that poisons your soul. Cause it does. It totally poisons you.
The great Captain Kirk once said that he "wants his pain. I NEED my pain." I find in the world that I live and love, indeed, myself, I no longer passion for pain. Only peace. Only love. Its how I want to live. Now and forever until I die. So I am sorry if I distance myself from some of you. Its not personal. Its just how I am.
"Confidence is contagious. So is a lack of confidence." -- Vince Lombardi
"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." -- Edmund Hillary
"However vast the darkness, you must supply your own light." -- Stanley Kubrick
Much love me droogies.
T
(PS -- This is for the PODCAST folks. I want it clear that I will make snarky jokes on those shows. But that is purely for ENTERTAINMENT ONLY. It doesn't really mean I feel that way. I am just tossing out shock value for entertainment. How entertaining would a radio show be with everyone just agreeing and meditating? Not very. So please bare that in mind when listening in. Don't say "well, Adam is going back on everything he just said." Not true in the slightest. Thats SHOW ADAM. This is the REAL ADAM. I hope that is clear.)
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