Depression as Fuel

I've been reading a lot about depression in the news. I thought I'd give some additional food for thought about it. As a kid I used to get quite depressed. I was bullied for all sorts of things and even went through bouts of "what if I ended it all?" Scary, but really in reality, I think everyone asks themselves that question at some point in their lives and for a reason. And I remember recently I went through a bout of crippling depression back from October to almost December. Not that I curled up on the couch and cried a lot (I rarely cry). I don't know, for some reason I just froze up. I wasn't able to get artwork done except when I absolutely had to. I had just lost the fuel for some reason.

Part of why was because I hadn't had my head in the game. I wasn't going to shows and I wasn't talking about making art with anyone but myself. So I felt pretty alone. Other things was depression about outside influences and sources and even things I do to myself. Eating bad and all that. That's a constant day to day hardcore, thumb tacks on the mat, wrestling ladder match in my mind. I got out of it by watching new movies and reading new books. Eventually I just returned to the productive mind that I needed. I beat the depression out of me because I wanted to. I HAD to.

See, I tend to eventually turn every mistake and setback into fuel and it fires me up to beat it. And that is how you beat depression, folks. I tend to take a Rocky Balboa type of approach to it. He's constantly being told he's nothing and he's a zero. A failure. But he still goes and takes the shot. Its the same thing with us. Ask yourself: Does it bother you that people look at you like you are a big fat zero? Like you're done nothing and therefore ARE nothing? Cause its quite likely that there are people out there that do. Most judge that just by looking at you. Its the way the world works now. Quick judgement and you will get no time to explain and show your growth and what you came from. The only person who knows is you. But I say twist all of this. I say when you do your thing (whatever that is), think about the people that hate you and make them your fuel. Prove them wrong. And you know, maybe they don't think that. But sometimes I allow myself to think that they do. Or that I don't even register on their radar. So I work hard, get better and MAKE them see it. I make them have to deal with me and the good I am doing. Not in an "in your face" kind of way. Remain humble. But just use that fear of failure and couple that with the desire of succeeding and take your action. Prove them wrong. (Which really, is proving YOURSELF wrong!) See? It totally works. Cause we all need bad guys to fight against.

One of my favorite blogs broke it down to two simple rules and I love it. He said "Never allow anyone to tell you 1-Who you are 2-What you are worth." My dad used to say "Never let 'em see you sweat." Now thats pure macho bullshit and I totally buy it. I take their feelings (real or my perception of what they COULD say or think) and channel it. I create this opposition and get that "Eye of the Tiger" to stare down the problem and overcome it.

Now all of this is in my head. Maybe the people I am thinking of don't even think this. Quite likely, they don't. Nor do I care if they do or do not. Its not them I am trying to impress or reach. What I mean by all of this is that you can create your own medicine to cure depression. You can channel your negative energies into positive. If you want to overcome it, you can create the fuel in your head to do so. And do it. That simple. Do it. Without ego or malice. Without fear or anger. Just get in there and do your thing. Show them (really yourself) that you can do it and beat the odds. Or as one of my favorite scenes in all the Rocky movies say:

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can GET it and keep moving forward. How much you can TAKE  and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! If you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth!"

So listen, take their evil words (perceived or real) and channel it.  Make it your fuel and go out and rock your thing. Kick ass at it. And emerge triumphant. That goes for anything and everyone. THATS how you get the job done. Don't sit and do nothing. Don't cripple yourself. Channel the energy and make it positive. Its simple. Do it and take your shot. What was it Gretzky said? "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Get the fuel and take your shot. Never stop. Eat lighting, crap thunder. You'll become a goddamn wrecking machine! Eye of the Tiger baby!

Much luv, T