My Shitty Brain

Hey friends.

Thought I would update about nothing in particular. My new FB page has a way of warning me when I am not posting enough, so I thought I would try to write this morning to shut it up with a post about a new blog here. I don't have much to say as there hasn't been much going on. This past weekend I had my kids so I didn't get any work done. I was feeling down in the dumps a bit too and for no particular reason, really. This week was my friend Caleb's birthday (RIP) and also money has been kinda tight, so I haven't had much to go out and play with. I got a TO DO list a mile long and I'm swiping away with it a day at a time. Maybe that all has something to do with it.

My sleep is erratic as well due to a 4:30am wake-up to get the kids on Saturday. I find that the older I get, the worse I am to re-cooperate when my sleep pattern gets fucked up. It takes a few days. And by the time I right myself, I have to do it all over again. I woke up at 6am this morning after going to bed at 2am last night. See what I mean? Makes my brain go haywire sometimes.

But that's the day to day juggle. Not much else to say about it. Some days I am good and some days I have the feels about one thing or the other. Mostly about the things I gotta get done or friends/family that are gone. Sometimes its the bullshit going on in the world, politics, etc. I know I suffer from depression but for the most part, I feel like I got it handled. I'm ok. And that's all I need to be sometimes, you know? And then sometimes I just like to have a nice drink and forget about it all for a little while. I think when I do that, I scare some people. Like maybe I make people think I am worse off than I am. For example this weekend:

I didn't intend for my tweet to be a "cry for help" type of situation. But this person reached out and made me feel better. I certainly appreciate it! But please, don't think I'm whining or in dire need for attention or validation. I'm doing ok. But it means the world to me when people do reach out and care like this person did above. So often we create in a vacuum and now that the convention world has completely changed and its harder to get that face to face thumbs up from your peers and fans, to feel validated or that you matter at all can sometimes be a stretch for people at my level.

But I do get lots of emails, PMs and messages back that do show that, yes indeed, I am loved and I DO feel it. Thank you very much, folks. Its this back and forth from me to you that I have worked hard over the years to cultivate. I have pumped out weekly content for years and years on this blog and my podcasts. In this, I've strived to be brutally honest and open at all times. I've teased and revealed. I've shared and lost. I've struggled and celebrated. Its all on here and nicely archived. These things are my therapy as much as the occasional drink some booze/listen to Bob Dylan private sessions I have with myself. Its how I deal with things.

So please know, things are going good. I'm getting work done, I'm losing weight (down 11 pounds now), I'm going out and doing things (seeing TOOL live tomorrow) and I got a support group all around me to keep me sane. Bills are paid, I got things I like and love... I'm good. I really am. I know I am blessed in this life. And I appreciate you folks checking me out and keeping me in your life. I see the downloads, the likes, the reposts, the views on all my stuff and I take note of who is paying attention. I appreciate it.

All of this will not go unrewarded! The comics I got going will come out. The books I have promised will come out as well. There is so much work to do before I can sit back and relax. And I'm sure much more after that. It won't stop until I do.

Anyway thanks for the continued love and support, my friends. Much love to all of you.

------NOTES/PLUGS------

New episode of the IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW, I review the new Roger Waters album! Stream it HERE - Also subscribe Via ITUNES! And while you are there, leave a comment. It helps my numbers and ratings. I appreciate it.

You can download PDFs of all my major comic graphic novels via Gumroad right now for the cheap price of $5 each! Download and read on your device of choice! Buy em right HERE
-or- If you prefer physical copies you can get them at my online store right HERE - Each book gets a hand drawn sketch inside as a bonus and a thank you.

Episode 500 of the IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW PODCAST is coming soon! If you got a question to be answered live on the air or a suggestion for a show topic, hit me with an email right here: phymns@yahoo.com

--T

Facebook Page, Beatles and More

Hey friends, 

 

Just so people are reminded, I am moving all FB activity to a public page. My old personal profile will maintain no posts or activity beyond this point. This is in an effort to keep me focused on my creating and not the insanity of the back and forth keyboard war that we so often lose ourselves in. Anything personal will likely go into the blog here at my site and any business announcements will be posted on my new FB page here: https://www.facebook.com/AdamTalleyArtistWriterGuy/ I suggest you "LIKE" and "FOLLOW" that page if you want to keep up with me and what I am doing. Or continue to download/stream my IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW PODCAST via Itunes or Talkshoe.

2017 will see me releasing probably THREE more books and 2018 I have some big plans for. So there is lots to come from me. I appreciate all the love and support I have got throughout the years and as I kick this car into gear and head for the finishing line in the comics' world, I hope you will help me see this journey to the end and what lies beyond. There is so much to come.

Last night the art gods blessed me with seven new pages and my hand stayed strong throughout! I'm very happy about that. I'm scanning them up today and getting them ready to go. I'm striving hard to push this first erotica book out the door now that I am past the halfway point on Starslam 3. So expect a Kickstarter to begin something later this summer. Starslam 3's Kickstarter will be the fall or early winter I think, if all goes well. And there is a third book of sorts of my art coming from someone else. All exciting things! So much to do...

After last blog's confession I've been getting messages of encouragement and advice and I appreciate all of it. The numbers are shocking, I know. But it certainly isn't a death sentence in my view. Many have beat this demon and I will be no different. I've already begun to do so.

The Beatles SGT PEPPERS came out 50 years ago today. I remember when I first heard that album and how it seemed that all music had changed for me. I realized all the doors that album opened in my listening experience and how it gave birth to progressive rock... a genre many of my favorite bands live in. All beginning right there. Happy birthday, Sgt. Peppers. Long live the memories! 

Tomorrow a new ROGER WATERS album comes out. His first since 1992!!! I'm sure a lot of it is about the current political climate and I cannot wait to dig into it. I'll give a full review soon. 

My girl and I went to the movies the other day and saw SNATCHED. The new Amy Schumer/Goldie Hawn movie. While not the next CITIZEN KANE, I laughed in a few parts. Its worth a watch as a dumb comedy. Go enjoy it. 

 

Next week I'm seeing TOOL live here in Michigan! I'm beyond excited to finally get to see them. Expect pics and a full report... if not some audio/video from the show. Oh yes. 

I suppose that is it. I will get with you all next week sometime about all the progress that has been going on all the things cooking on my stove. Maybe even some progress art pics! We'll see... if you are good! 

Cheers, T

Fuck the Facebookz

I decided to leave the Facebooks for a while. Again. This time I'm gonna work hard to make that stick. Because there's just wayyyyyy too much time wasted on my part reposting memes and getting into political and opinion arguments on art, social issues and other things. I just don't find joy in it so why bother? Such a time suck and stress creator. Its my fault, honestly. I can't trust myself to not plug in. So I gotta make the smart decision and cut it out. Plus side: less fucking ads in the feed and full of what other people like instead of what I WANT to read!

I will keep the page open for certain things like posting there when I have a new blog or online store sale or something to promote. But day to day talkings and postings about thoughts and my day are now exclusive to my TWITTER ACCOUNT. I will likely add an Instagram account to the mix at some point too.

Just policing my activity and wasted efforts/time so I can get down to business and lead a happier life.

If you do like my daily ramblings and want to follow me, my twitter account is here:

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW AND READ!

Much love! Be safe and sane,

T

Randomness from my Jelly Hole

Tonight I am lubing up to tackle a bit more writing in my novel about my days as a porn store worker. The idea of picking up a pencil and slinging lead just hasn't appealed to me today and I've been reading a lot. I got the mindset for it and I'm ready to go. Just thought I'd get myself geared up to do the deed, by providing some content to you dear readers of my site. Lets see what random thoughts happen in my head lately. Here's what I got swimming:

Bobby Womack is dead. That sucks. He was one of my favorite soul singers and I got a soul mix in which he is featured heavily. Gonna be hard to watch Jackie Brown again and not get a bit glassy eyed when I hear his beautiful vocals roll through "Across 110th Street." RIP. The dude beat cancer and was struggling with diabetes. Word is he even was getting Alzheimers. But he kept going and recorded a well recieved new album of material in 2012. Way to punch life back in the face Bobby. Definitely will be missed.

The bots had a major wobbler* all day today. He gets difficult to deal with when he does that. However, little baby James is talking up a storm, which is very encouraging. It is quite a weird thing to talk to my son and he talks right back. A new concept for me. I enjoy it.

This week, an artist pal of mine and his wife had a baby. He posted a pic to Facebook and apologized beforehand about posting pics of his kids to the site. I realized then that indeed there had to be people out there that complained about people who post pics of their kids to their wall. THEIR WALL. Or maybe someone gives you shit when you post all advertising about your sales to your wall. Or that you post political rants. Again, ITS YOUR WALL. Like listening to the radio, if you don't like the song, simply switch the channel. I do it all the time. And when I cannot find a song I like, I turn the knob down and listen to my own thoughts. Its great. Which this all lead to me believe that anyone who comments on (in a negative way) or tries to criticize what you post on YOUR WALL is a complete and utter asshole and should die in the center of the sun. The interaction of social media is a triple edged sword, especially for creative types because the distraction leads to unproductive habits. But sometimes its our only way out of our own head or the solitary refinement of our office chairs. To combat this, I have blocked the feeds of about 95% of the people I am friends with on FB. That way, I am not constantly in people's lives and I'm back in my own head. But I did bother to tell my friend to please, post those baby pics and FUCK ANYONE who tries to control what you should do with what is yours.

When I do finish all current projects on my list: Anna 2, Starslam/Erotica book kickstarter, Mayhem 1 redo, Mayhem 4, Porn Store book, Short story book, I am going to take a looooooong vacation! Or not. Because reading my posts from one year ago this month, I was talking about taking a four month sabbatical off from all artworking and creating. This stuff cannot be put on a shelf for me. And the daily waits around the kids are endlessly frustrating for me. But at least I'm being paid for the work I do... oh wait... three clients owe me money and keep dodging me. Time to start putting on the deep pressure!

Well thats it. Back to work. Thanks for coming back!

Cheers, T**

_________________
*My word for "major fucking freakout." Its derived from an English word for the same meaning. It is yet another example of me wanting to incorporate more British slang into my yankee world.
**See? "Cheers." Even more of British slang. I should just move there and get it over with.

The Internet and Who Turns Me On

My impression of the internet:

"OH MY GOD! (Insert celebrity name here) has been cast in a movie that I potentially want to (and will anyway) see. And I don't like the choice (even though I haven't seen the flick, and will anyway even just to fill my hate tank) and I am boycotting it (no I won't. I'll still go see it and judge it accordingly. But if it ends up good, then I will sing its praises and judge those who naysayed it before and after the fact)."

"OH MY GOD! I HATE (insert commercial, band, singer, TV show, sport, sport team here) AND EVERYONE THAT LIKES THIS SHOULD DIE!"

"OH MY GOD! WHAT (policitican here) DID IS HORRIBLE! WORSE THAN HITLER! I HOPE THEY GET RAPED BY GODZILLA'S FIST!"

"OH MY GOD! (Insert name of person they randomly ran into and pissed them off for a second during their day and they will likely never see them again. But still felt the need to come onto social media to rant and rave about this person to "friends" and strangers) pissed me off today! I hate everything! FML (abbreviation for "fuck my life," which is used entirely too much. From simply dropping your pastry on the floor to a full blown car breakdown on a freeway).

"OMG! I HATE (insert celebrity name and thier doings here. Even though this person ranting will never meet said celebrity, nor will this celebrity and their doings while on Earth will not effect this person and their own back porch in the slightest possible way. BUT they still feel the need to put in their two cents on what they think about them to the world... because they can)."

"I HATE"

"I HATE"

"I HATE!!!!!!!!"

_________________

You know who turns me on? People who post things they like. Even if I don't agree with them (or what they like isn't my cup of tea), I just dig that they are passionate about something, and are willing to share it.

You know who I enjoy? People who created something, and are telling the world about it.

You know who I love to read about? People who don't just post negative ALL... THE.... TIME.

The world is farrrrr too negative 100% of the time. I get scared when people talk about the idea that guns should be legal across the board. Because with as random and mad as people get at strangers, I'd hate to think of how many murders would happen in one day. And believe me, I'm counting myself in that too. There are many times in traffic where I am so mad at a complete stranger that I could picture myself shooting their tires out, just because I could... if I could. So I don't trust myself!

The human race cannot be trusted. We cannot take care of each other. And we focus on things that are not important. Rant and raves about entertainment and pop culture. Things beyond our control. People who have their own lives in a far away place and do not effect you or your loved ones AT ALL.

It just amazes me the wasted time and energy on these things, when they could easily be ignored as if it were a fallen stick on the side of your path in the woods. A stick that is insignificant and looks like every other one around it. Rather, spend that time and energy CREATING. Drawing. Painting. Making Music. Dancing. Quilting. Crocheting. Reading. Learning. Coloring. Sewing. Writing. Playing. Making memories. Travelling. Seeing things you've never seen. Talking with people you never talked to before. Trying a new food or drink. LIVING LIFE.

What do I love? When I find someone in a creative field of some sort and I try to look them up and they are not on social media. Or if they are, they are only promotional posts or sales posts. I hunger to be like them because I know they are off living their lives and creating in the process. And soon I will see what they are working on, when its ready. they don't have to verbally jerk off everyday. They just live. I wish I could be that way too. 

One of my favorite Pink Floyd lyrics: "The paper holds their folded faces to the floor and every day the paperboy brings more." Seems every day I wake up, there's some "big news" that everyone is ranting about. Everyone HAS to have an opinion on this or that. Everyone has to beat the other person to the joke. Everyone has to see what everyone is saying about it. Everyone has an idea about what would work and not work in every situation, every TV show, every movie, etc. It gets EXHAUSTING.

You know what turns me on? People who DON'T KNOW. Or better yet, don't give a fuck. And not in your face about not giving a fuck, but just not giving a fuck. Just focused on their own plate. Their own back porch. They ignore the fallen sticks outside their path. And I fear that we are raising a generation of kids who are very disconnected. They don't know how to play outside anymore. They can't talk to each other and if they do, its through social media and only about things they hate. And I lump myself in there too. I am far from perfect at these things. But I have got better. I understand fighting on a facebook thread about a political arguement is not going to change the mind of the ignorant. All I can do is post news, inform and make my voice heard at the booth and hopefully keep people awake and aware of what is going on around them. To keep them unsedated.

I want to keep telling people about the cool things going on. A great song that they've never heard. A cool thing that is coming. People doing great things. I share it when I see it. You dig through the mud and hate to find those shiny diamonds and you share them. The people who dig with me are the ones who turn me on. We rock the journey.

I have filtered lots of people out of my life who were main offenders of these things I mention. And I continue to do so. I continue to wrestle with social media and swear I will quit it over and over. But when I interact with my fellow diamond diggers, I forget the people that only focus on the anger and it makes it worth it. Plus, I need it as a "tool" for my work. I deal with it, essentially. But when I find those with me on the journey, it makes it all go away. So cheers to those who are the diggers and not the slingers.

Just a thought for your day as you interact. So off you go into the world. Do you keep focusing on the things wrong with your little world, or do you start digging with us? You are invited. Because while you are ranting about things that don't matter at all, people are beating you to the punch and you'll always be running to catch up and bitter that you didn't make it. You never flew. You just got stuck in the mud... Like a stick. Forgettable. Insignificant and in the way of someone else's path.

Keep searching. \m/ (and I say all of this with peace and love, peace and love)

T

The Social Media Dilemna (AGAIN)

I swear, if I didn't need things like Twitter and Facebook for business purposes, I'd sooooo quit them right the fuck now. They cause more headaches for me than anything else. And its not just the people, its myself. I cannot control myself. I have quit playing FB games over three years ago and I am proud of myself that I could do that disconnection. However I still cannot quit the site itself. Because there are various business groups I am a part of and there are a couple key people in my life who only communicate to me via their FB messages. I don't want to disconnect from them. I value them and the connection to them. The artist world is so lonely sometimes that I need that inspiration and connection that they provide me. Plus we clue each other in on tips, tricks, work leads and more. So I am stuck with it whether I like it or not.

I use social media to connect and to promote my work and sales of my work. Its an essential tool. BUT-in doing this, I don't want to be percieved as a "spammer," only posting things related to me, my work, my sales, etc. No one wants that. Your "personality" must shine a bit as well. This makes you and your brand, a bit more attractive to someone perhaps on the fence about your work. It is a tool that you use to promote YOURSELF and your WORK.

Now, in the past, I've got into heated posting and discussions about what I feel are the injustices of the world. But I've learned that this only leads to petty fighting in the comments feed. I don't want fighting. I just want to come on, state my thing and be done. If people want to fight, go elsewhere. I am not interested in seeing it. We're not going to convince each other. So I've tried to stop posting political rants, and instead post celebretory things about politics. Every so often. (and its rare that I can even celebrate positive things that happen in politics!) For example, last night I posted the good news about Gay Marriage passing in the House of Illinois. Lots of my friends and family are from that state and I thought it would be good to support them and their motherland by giving a social pat on the back. No problem in my eyes. I did not try to fight with anyone. Just came on and said my thing.

I think thats what everyone does with social media outlets. They use it to inform, entertain, rant, etc. And thats their choice. And its OUR choice to ignore or listen to them. I have "friends" in my lists who keep posting the most insane political rants that are full of misinformed nonsense. Do I say anything to them? No. They won't listen. They just want to rant to rant. So to fix that (and my sanity), I block their feed in my newsfeed. They can say what they want to those who want to hear it and I am none-the-wiser. I don't need to fix them. I don't need to "win them over." Just let them be.

It amazes me the amount of times I will post something I think is completely innocent a comment on something so small or insignificant and how people will start trying to fight with me on the comment. I didn't welcome a fight. I am not interested in fighting about anything. I say if you don't agree with me, just take a note that I post things you don't like, block my feed, do whatever you gotta do to keep your happiness. But coming on and starting shit with me? Why? What would be the point of that? Everyone has to be "right." I don't get that. I see posts daily that make me cringe for whatever reason. And not once do I ever post after them saying "No, you are wrong because of such and such." I did in the past and I felt like a big shit-smelling dickhead for doing it. It goes nowhere and only serves to create friction where I don't desire it. I'm always checking myself on that. I'm fighting against the mentality of the social media fight.

Case in point: Yesterday, I posted a cool link I found about how some bands from the 70's have members who are pedophiles, wife beaters and other such things. No one is perfect, but two things are a bit extreme. A "friend" comes on and starts berating me for posting it and challenging me to list one of my favorite bands not on the list. I knew what he was doing immediately. No matter who I posted, he woulda looked them up and tried to toss something at me saying how horrible they are and my "arguement (BTW, I wasn't arguing, but reposting a FACT about a couple bands)" wasn't valid. He wanted to pick a fight with me for some reason, and I completely wasn't interested in it. I shunned it. I had better things to be doing. I'm trying to look up reference for a new page of artwork. I shouldn't have been on FB in the first place. So I posted that I Wasn't playing the game of fighting. And he posts some sort of snide comment that since I opted not to play, I had "lost." Lost what? I wasn't interested in playing dude. I didn't want to fight or win or lose anything. Where did I state that I wanted to? And moreover, what kind of "friend" wants to argue and start shit with you? See, if someone posts something that I don't agree with, especially something as minor as a musical or movie preference, I just ignore it. Cause tastes and reasons for tastes is an individual thing. If someone loves country music and I hate it, but they are posting links saying "I love this song or that song" I don't want to go onto their comments and give them shit for thier choices. But people do. People love to fuck with your day. Why? Whats the point? There is none. Not at all. But people looooove to pick a fight and be right. Over MUSICAL TASTES!!!!! Its silly to me. So silly.

Also this week, a person tried to pull me into what is by my definition, an internal, personal family fight and I am to "choose a side." Well sorry. I am not going to turn my back on a friend. Nor is it my fight. I don't want to be involved. You got something to fight about with them, fight with THEM. Not me. Leave me out of it. I got enough problems on my plate than to be taking on yours. Good luck to you, because its quite a mess.

But maybe the problem isn't someone walking around FB waiting to pick on someone's feed and start shit with them. Maybe its with me. I shouldn't have been posting (or reposting in this case) my opinion on something musical. Maybe I'm the asshole for stating why I don't like a couple bands because the one member raped a 14 year old and beat their two wives. I posted that to inform those who might not know. There's a lot of younger folks on FB who might read it and be informed about it. My pal Andy once put social media as "People looking for these virtual high-fives," and he's right. We all are posting cool things to get on with others. And its the assholes who come in and shit on it. And we call them "friends." Maybe I'm the asshole for continuing to try to be cool about it. Maybe I'm the asshole for caring so much to even write a long blog about it and wrestle with it in my head. Maybe I'm the asshole for worrying too much about hurting others even in such a minor thing as this. But I do because the solitary life of the artist means that whenever we reach out for that "virtual high-five" is sometimes our only outlet into the world beyond our art table. My kids are too young and not much company. I cannot teach them these things yet. My wife is in the other room watching TWILIGHT and I am not into it. But I don't want to shit on what she likes. Because you know what that would make me? An asshole. And the world has enough of those. And I don't want to be an asshole to those I care enough to call "friends." I know sometimes I have been in the past and I don't feel good about it. And I am trying to keep changing that. I'm wrapping my head around the social change we all are enduring. I am just thankful that I am not more popular than I am right now because some of my pals that are, I see the arguements in their feed and man it would make my head spin. I guess I care too much about people to ignore fighting and suffering. Again, my fault. I'm the asshole who cares too much.

Like I said before, if I didn't need things like FB for business and some personal reasons, I'd just leave it. And at times, I really weigh whether I should. It distracts me so much that I sometimes just keep going back to it. I need to cut ties. (if only I didn't need it so bad) I would even pride myself that I made the cut. I am sure others would be envious of me that I did make the cut. I am envious of those who say they don't have a FB. I love it, in fact. I suppose I must control myself more, because it starts with me. I just don't like myself on social media. I hate it. I've lost good friends over FB messages. People have spied on me using it. the harm is starting to deeply outweigh the good. I'd rather make the break and use more time on production. Getting MYSELF right. Getting MY WORK right. and stop the useless arguements. It starts within us. Until the petty things become beneath us. Maybe someday I will have the balls, or the popularity clout to be able to make the break and let go of the fear that the sales of my work would suffer. And my "friends" will always know how to get ahold of me through alternative and much more preferable means.

If I ever wronged you on any social media, no matter how minor the statement, I apologize. I never want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be another asshole. I just want to be me. I'll slap you that virtual high five, buddy. And I promise not to dog you on your choices. Keep informing me. Keep entertaining me. Keep in touch with me. Thats what it should be about.

T