Father's Day Week

Hey friends!

Father's Day weekend was awesome! I got to spend time with two of my little buggers and then I got some nice presents from everyone! D got me a SLIMER Pop and METROPOLIS complete on Blu-ray and a neat little pop up Beatles card. Her parents got me a large coffee table book on the making of RETURN OF THE JEDI. My oldest son got me this really cool metal STAR TREK display that I will hang in my collection. James and Scotty got me hand made cards and paintings. It was all very lovely. And I got to spend time with them over the weekend.

James laid on me while we watched Cars 3. Some nice cuddle time. I got Scotty some discs and James some candy. Scott also played a bit of an old Family Guy video game I got for him. That is a very old and frustrating game!

Speaking of video games, I got this:

Its been on my radar for a while to have one, so I got a Nintendo Switch! So far I have played MARIO ODYSSEY. I haven't plugged in ZELDA yet. I got a couple other games that are out that I want to get but I've been too busy to go out and get them. I guess this was a Father's Day treat for myself. Its been a rough go of things as of late. Needed a nice pick me up.

But don't think for a minute that I am just playing video games and ignoring my creative duties! I finished the VAMPIRELLA card set. Here's a look at some of them:

 In comic news: I've got about 15 pages on STARSLAM to ink. Here's a couple teaser images, no spoilers!

Plus also I got hired to do an 8 page horror comic for a nice dude. I gotta shoot pencils to him this week sometime so no video gaming until I finish that! But, I got a sore left thumb right now, so video gaming is off the table until that is healed. Just sore from biting my nails too much. Stupid me, but no biggie.

I also got some commissions that are overdue so I am not taking on anything else until these are done and out. I also shipped out all the books from LATE NIGHT SHORTS, so that is done. Just gotta finish a couple things for the bigger reward level people, as understanding and supportive as they always are! And then its my job to color all the completed PATREON stories... of which I am done and scanned in all the way to November, with a couple more in the pencil stage. I just want to get them all done and off my plate so I can finish these other things. So much to do. I feel guilty even getting a new movie or game system to distract me sometimes... but I know you need to take a break or else I go mad.

Coming up this fall are some great Switch games like Dragon Quest 11 (Where you can switch back and forth between regular modern and SUPER NINTENDO style graphics). Also a new LEGO STAR WARS game next year. A couple other ones I am forgetting too as I type this. But what is also coming out this fall is something I must get:

Look at that beauty! She's gonna cost a bit... like $500 but it should be out in November. This game and GALAGA are my two favorite arcade video games of all time. To have that in my kids' room along with all my toys might make me the biggest nerd... but perhaps the best dad ever! If I had this in my room as a kid? Oh man...

Not that my childhood wasn't great already, its just that now in this modern age we can get cheaper versions of these nostalgic things and I can share them with my boys. (But they gotta wait til daddy is done with them first!)

Thanks for reading!

--T

The Tale of A Tooth

This is a deep writing. Bare with me.

I honestly don't even know how to begin. I just have the feels tonight and I want to let it out somehow. I guess it started with my oldest son, Cody. He grew up with his mother, two.. sometimes four hours away from where I was living. While I did see him when I could, I missed out on a lot of the little things. He seems okay about it today. He's in college up at Michigan Tech making his dreams a reality. I really regret that I couldn't be there for the little things, but it was the nature of the situation we were in. So it goes.

I have two more children, Scott and James. When their mother and I divorced, Scott was five. James was one. Scott may remember, but James will never remember what it was like to have me around everyday.

In the beginning I was there always. Now, I am only there on weekends. Our weekends together consist of mostly play and me trying to squeeze in housework and my other job's needs around it. Sometimes the regular day job calls me away and I have to work, missing one of the precious few days I get to see them in a month. I wish I could do more. But I work so much. 40 hours and overtime. Plus the second job. And lately, I'm having to do even more work and time on the jobs to make ends meet. It will be like that for a while. I've tried to prepare myself mentally for the days where I might have to work instead of being home with them.

Again, I miss out. So it goes.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about having a good job and a great fanbase that supports my work so that I can continue to make art and use my actual degree and lifelong training to draw and make worlds and art for people to enjoy. But I have to work double hard to make ends meet for my home and for my kids. And in that, when the little things come, they come out of nowhere and I have to pause and look. Usually its already passed me by. Scott would be talking and I would look into his mouth. There is a tooth missing. He'd be like "oh yeah! I lost a tooth!" And I'm on the floor sobbing. I miss so much.

I never have been there for any of my kids to loose a tooth. (Note: After I just typed that last sentence, I had to stop and cry for a bit. Its now ten minutes later as I finish.) And that is where the anger and the pain of separation from my kids comes in. All these little things most parents take for granted, I miss out on. By design, it is so. Over time, I've slowly learned to accept that. It is what it is. I miss every milestone that comes. They arrive and look older. They speak better, write better. I stay the same. So it goes.

You know the worst phrase I hear in my life? "Goodbye dad, I love you. See you next weekend." Its like a fucking knife, every time I hear it. Every time.

This weekend my youngest son James came to me and said, "I lost a tooth!" His first tooth. I of course am now biting my lip not to cry again. Just let it go. Just let it go. Bury it for now, deal with it later. Get alone after the weekend and cry it out. Talk it out. Write it out. Scream it out. Just get through it. Because this is just the way it is.

But this time was different...

James had a second tooth that was loose. I got kind of excited about it. Maybe, he might lose it this weekend! Nah, won't happen on my watch. I'm not that lucky.

Tonight, his tooth came out. His second baby tooth that was in every picture I took when he was young. He was happy to be rid of it but worried that the tooth fairy might not find him at daddy's house. I assured him that she likely would and I would put it in a plastic baggie to keep it safe for her. I wrote on a note inside: JAMES TOOTH. 9-14-19. Its in my lock box now. I'm keeping it forever. After all this time, I finally earned a moment. I earned a tooth.

When you are the father of kids who live in a separated home, its a tough battle. You feel like you have a lot to explain for. You have major obligations. You cannot afford time to feel or remember. You just have to keep going. Ignore that empty baby seat in the back of your car. Fold their clothes and put them away in quiet. Don't let the pain and loneliness trickle down to them. Its your cross to bare. Get them groceries, things to do and make plans for the coming weekend. Keep hoping you will actually get the day off with them and the sun will come out so you can walk outside or go to the park. Watch the other mommies and daddies together there as you stick out as a single parent there with your boys. Just be there. Hope for one day in the future that you can truly be there for them in a way you know how and that the pain is long gone. Hope for the days when it doesn't even matter anymore. You did your job and you will continue to be the rock for them. Keep trying to turn them on to things you like. Maybe the seeds you plant will grow? Who knows.

So much to do and get through. Tough times ahead. But the one thing I know right now is that I got a tooth. James said the tooth fairy brought him one dollar for his tooth at his house. At daddy's house tonight, the fairy left two.

--T

A for Effort

Welcome back my friends. I just slept 13 hours to refill my tanks from a long weekend with the boys. For some reason this weekend I couldn't sleep at all. Maybe 3 hours a night. Just my brain on overdrive. No THINKY PAIN this time, just random BS. Same old way my brain always works. Laying in bed at 3am then I think, "Whatever happened to that studio where Rush recorded all those albums like "Moving Pictures" and "Signals?" I heard they were closing it. What happened with that?" Then I'm on google or youtube trying to find random BS facts about that random thing I just thought up. Cause I know if I don't do that the second I think of it, I'll forget about it and then spend hours going, "What was I wanting to look up last night? I can't remember!" I used to just leave a notepad at my bed table to write down thoughts. But then the next day I can't read my chicken scratch or I decide what I wrote wasn't worth pursuing. Vicious cycle I put my brain through. I should get some pills to mellow myself out. But I'm not a drug guy.

I had fun with my boys this weekend:

Through a trade I recently acquired an old Millennium Falcon toy. I got it for the kids. Here is James slowly discovering it. Twas a nice moment to pass along something from my youth to him. I had so many fun years with my own Falcon toy.

James loves the slides at the Jumping Jax bounce house in Lansing.

Bounce houses is something James and Scott-Bot can both get in on!

Momma Belle and Baby Luna observing the boys and their activities. Man, Luna has got so big!!

My best friend.

I spent all Monday trying to recooperate on sleep, while my poor girlfriend had to clean the house on her own. It was nice of her to sacrifice her time to see that I could lay down and awake 13 hours later to be somewhat normal.... whatever normal is for me lately.

I haven't done much this past weekend on comics stuff. This week I hope to get the final drawings done for the newest book I hope to get the Kickstarter rolling for. Then word ballooning as well. I have a Saturday to myself this weekend as D is going camping up north. But then I gotta see the boys Sunday for a condensed time and get my sleep pattern changed to tackle a week of overnights. I'm doing last stretch training at the day job that will open a lot of opportunities for me. New programs, new ways to output digital work and all of that leads into more overtime... something that will help with my long term life goals. It will probably condense a bit more of my "free time," but eh, I don't care. I got an opportunity here to make some cash and start saving/paying off things. That is where my life needs to be leading at the moment. I got so many goals (small and big) to work on. This whole effort at the day job will help make a lot of it happen. Necessary.

Speaking of life, I want to tackle a sensitive subject. I know a lot of people read this and so I hope to address it here. I know I'm busy. I know lots of my free time is occupied with kids, adulting and all my creative endeavors.  But sometimes people read me being busy the wrong way and then think I am avoiding them or something to that nature. Then that leads to me being blocked or unfriended or unfollowed on social media or just basically written off as a friend. It really pains me to see when that happens. Every day I'll think to an old friend or acquaintance I haven't heard from in a while and I check up on them. And it is easy to see when they have unliked, unfriended or unfollowed me in some way. Sometimes I'll contact them and work out what they are thinking or feeling about me or the situation. I know so many people and with life's juggles its hard to keep up with everyone. Doesn't mean I don't care about you. My time is limited. Life has got in the way. Whatever the case is, its not an excuse I offer you. Nothing has changed for me. My heart and door is always open to those I care about. I'm very accessible by message, call, email, etc. You hit me with an email or message, I usually will get back to you within a day, if not minutes. I get saddened when someone who means so much to me feels I've wronged them in some way and feels it necessary to cut ties with me. It hurts to know that what you think you have with a person, after all you went through with them, that you can be so easily discarded or disregarded. I truly believe that people enter your life and are in your life at key moments. And you think, "Wow, thank God they were there then!" And before you know it, things somehow have changed between you. It sucks. It really does. I make efforts every week to reach out to someone (usually on Twitter or Facebook) with someone who I haven't talked to in a while. An old co-worker. An old college friend. An old artist buddy... etc. I've been blessed to cross paths with so many people. and with only a handful of arseholes I've now cut off from my life, I've been very lucky to know everyone I've met. Just know that when I am randomly thinking of stupid crap late at night, I'm also randomly thinking about you too. "Whatever happened to so and so? Man I miss when we worked together or were at that show together that one year. I wonder how their kids are doing or what they are working on now..." My thoughts are always on you. I try to reach out. It makes me feel great when I do. And I am glad when others reach out to me too. Even if its just a LIKE or a comment on the blog here. It lets me know you are still out there and give a shit. I notice all who do it. Don't think your simple clicks through your busy day are lost on me. I notice who is still there in my corner. And just know, I am still in yours. I love you all!

Man, I got a TO DO list 28 miles long. Mountains to climb. Dreams to grab hold of and force them into existence. Everyday I chop at the thick tree, waiting for it to crunch and topple over and get the fuck out of my way.

Give me an A for Effort. I'm trying hard folks. I really am.

--T

Christmas 2016! (Tons of pics)

Hey friends! Merry holidays/Christmas!

Its been a crazy week so rather than drone on and on about it I'll let the pics do the talking!

Started off the week by hitting the Mongolian BBQ. Man is it awesome!

Back in July I made my oldest son a promise that I would get him a new gaming desktop PC. It wasn't cheap! But I got the specs and placed the order. It arrived the next day from newegg.com - He's VERY happy! I say it counts as Xmas and Bday. I'm glad he's happy!

This may shock some people but this week I sold my record player. Yup its gone! Here's the space it once filled. Why did I sell it? Well I never really had time to play it. I got more CDs now and I'm out of my vinyl phase. I'm also trying to save for a house eventually. So I made the sacrifice of it. But oh what to do with that space....

The Xmas tree is lined with presents and goodies!

Lily is ready for Xmas shipping!

The boys start opening their presents....

Kitty D made out good! With a nice new coffee mug and some new books and DVDs....

...and a Harry Potter game for her new Wii I got her earlier this month. I also got her the plug and play Sega Genesis! OVer 80 games for her to play and relive her childhood! She's very happy. I nailed Xmas!!!!

The boys' rampage continues... James got a nice tiny vacuum - cars - ramps - Paw Patrol games and more. Scotty got a lightsaber - DVDs - Darth Vader hoodie and a CLAW machine!!! (his favorite)

The boys' school had this special donation this year in their honor. They got over 40 presents waiting for them at home! That truly was awesome for them to do that. A BIG thank you to the Grand Ledge school district for this awesome gift!

While I'm glad Scotty likes the claw machine it does come with a price... its loud and he gets easily frustrated with it. You try to explain to him that he cannot have so much in it or else it wont work and he just gets angry. Hard to get an autistic child to understand that. But in the end he loves it and I'm glad I got him a good gift. He NEVER plays with toys so this was a nice first. Definitely will help with hand/eye coordination!

MY LOOT FROM KITTY D!!! For our first Xmas together she really nailed it! I got Blu-rays - Booze - Itunes cards - Art supplies - Lotto scratch offs (won $128!) - Hand lotions - MST3K car sticker - Grooming kit - Ghostbusters toys and a SiriusXM radio tuner and gift card! NICE!!!!

All in all it was a great Christmas so far. And I still got a couple days of it left! 

Merry Christmas to all who have stuck by me over the years!

--T

Passing the Ball

In today's blog I'm going to talk about my boys.

I got three kids and all are unique in their own way. They got their own likes and pursuits and I'm blessed to have them in my life. Our stories and struggles together are each different and special. Life has thrown all of us many bumps and high tides. And time/distance sometimes keeps all of us not as close in proximity as other families. But they are always on my mind.

Most days, I am occupied trying to right my own ship and provide for myself a stable life, one where I got to pursue my dreams and provide for their respective futures. I've had a good run of it so far on my own stuff. I've traveled far, made new friends and spent valued time of my limited life using my voice to create things to share. Through comics, music, words and other means, I've been able to express myself and pursue those dreams. And I continue to do so.

Along the way, I made three people.

To be honest, I never thought I would be a parent. There was a time in my life where I was never comfortable around kids. I couldn't relate to them. I'm a big kid myself. Perhaps I was too selfish to even consider being a parent. It takes time, sacrifice and so many other mixtures of things that I just knew I would be no good at. But it happened. And its been a challenge for various reasons along the way. It certainly hasn't been easy at all.

But then there are days where things just connect and you sit and think: Man, this all worked out. How did this happen?

That's the story of my kids. All three are well rounded people and all finding their way with what they got.

My youngest, James: He's got his obsessions. Mainly - Vacuums! Its all he talks about. He recreates videos of people demonstrating vacuums. He's excellent at helping with the house cleaning. He would make an excellent actor or storyteller. He's still young and has his moods, but in the end, he's always hugging on daddy and saying, "I love you." Even when I am at my moodiest and crankiest, one good hug and an "I love you" turns my whole day around. Cause I know he means it.

Two wild and crazy guys!

My eight year old: Scott-bot. He is an absolute joy to have in my life. He doesn't just battle autism, he masters it. In the last few years he has learned to beat Angry Birds all the way through, master using short key commands and typing full sentences on a mac, use google and pull images for specific image searches, crop photos online and save them for printing, cut straight lines, write and read, speak clearly and make his own movies and photos. There's even more to that. He does his own thing and he's in his own world. He's happy in it. We don't connect often while he's doing his thing but sometimes he'll come to me for a hug and we wrestle and play tickle fight. I've learned to celebrate the life I was given with him and embrace the unique perspective of having an autistic child. I'm quite lucky with him and his ongoing development. 

Scotty taking over my computer... again!

Lastly, my oldest son: Cody. He turns 17 in a couple months. Today he accepted a special award for outstanding grades in his school. The dude is taller than me and has a full damn beard! He came and spent some time with me this summer. I got to take him down south to where my family began. It was a trip we needed to take for a variety of reasons. But when we got back we did things together like play video games and cards against humanity. (Oh man what a trip it was to talk about these dirty things on the cards to my own kid, and he KNEW what they all were! He truly is mine, indeed!)

He's got a full ride scholarship to a couple colleges. He has plans/dreams/schemes of his own. He's right where I was when I began doing comic books and making my own dreams come to life. And I think he's doing that now with what he does. Its incredible to see and know him. He is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me in my life.

Congrats man. You earned it.

I'm goddamn lucky to be a dad to three great boys. Each of them do things that make me proud. While daddy is struggling with his own life and demons, each of them say to me in their own way, "Hey man, I got this."

All our lives are a struggle. We all got our own shit going on. Things haven't been easy. But we're making a go of it. And me seeing their daily improvements, achievements and milestones has been the best award of all. I got the wonderful opportunities in my life to express myself and to roll with my wants, dreams and desires. And I know someday, I will get to sit back and watch theirs happen for them too.

That is part of why I am trying to clear my stove of projects and get out all projects that I promised to myself and to the world. Because one day, my shot will have been taken. Completed. I did it. Its over. Now, its their turn. And I'm not sad in the least about that. I'm happy to pass the ball to them and let them take it to the hoop.

I still got time to finish all I have promised. They still get to watch daddy go for it before they get to step up. But that time is coming. and I'm perfectly fine with that. It's been a good life.

I'm thankful for whatever brought all four of us together in this crazy world and that we all share something unique and insane. They are made of everything that is wonderful and make me want to be the hero of my story.... and theirs.

Onward and upward to all my boys and their journeys, bold and unique. Get ready for the layup run, because very soon I'm going to be tossing the ball your way.

----T