CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

I don't know what it is, but this year I am full of Christmasy Christmas cheer. I've been thinking alot of my Christmas memories recently. Some good things that happened to me. When I was around 7, I begged my parents to get a Christmas tree. They set one up in my room. It was a real large tree. Bristles were everywhere. But I strategically opened up my presents little by little. My brother John had got me THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK on Betamax. Man I watched the fuck out of that!

When I was nine, we celebrated the last Christmas of my childhood. I got these two big presents: The Ghostbusters house and the Space Lego set...




I got other stuff too, but that never compared to those two things.

After that, my parents joined the Jehovah's Witness religion. I was no longer allowed to celebrate holidays, not even my birthday. I tried to tell myself that I was religious now and didn't need holidays to express my love for my family. I had to hear about all my friends' travels and presents. It was fucked up. ARound the time I was 16, I quit that cultish religion. But still, I never got into Christmas. In fact, it was a time that angered me. All I saw was the commercialism. The fake happiness everyone had. And I knew historically, Christ wasn't born in December, so it was all based not in religion at all. But somehow every year, I managed to sneak in a viewing of THE GRINCH and SCROOGED. Two of my favorites.

The first time I had a tree after I was nine was when my then girlfriend went out and got me a tree and decorations. It was in 2000. At the time, I was dealing with the death of my mother on the 22nd of December. I was really in a whole other world. I went to the work Xmas party. The person that had me for secret santa got me this really awesome Pink Floyd music rarities box set. It was way beyond the amount allotted for what we agreed we all were gonna pay for presents. I was touched by that. But still, despite all this outpouring of love and consideration, it was a lonely time time for me. The next few years, I'd set up the tree but still not really feel the spirit. Each year after I got married, I'd just let the wife get whatever she wanted and I said "hey, we're kinda low on cash. Just get you whatever you want and get me sharpie markers." I'd still find a DVD or two that I wanted in November and I'd say that was my Xmas present. I'm sure she was happy to agree. I'm hard to shop for!

In 2007, the wife and I moved to St. Joseph and she surprised me with the news she bought an HD DVD player and the STAR TREK TOS HD set! I was completely blown away but her generosity and surprise. Rarely I get surprises. Even though the HD DVD is no more and I had to sell that set cause HD DVD lost the format war, (and during this last move, the wife dropped our HD DVD player on the cement smashing it! HAHA!) I still remember that generosity. and I think starting around then I started to feel a bit of zeal for Christmas. But in the next two years, I'd get the "Merry Christmas" greeting from people around town. I still felt odd giving it back. As if the years of indoctrination of that cult religion was still telling me that it was wrong to partake. Odd isn't it?

But I don't know. Something this year really has me jazzed. I think part of it is cause I got kids that I can celebrate with. I'm actually looking forward to the snow! I might wanna build a snowman. Its like I gained my childhood back in a way. Very odd. The old feelings are melting away and now all I am filled with is excitement. I am excited to get a turkey and make warm food and eat hearty for Thanksgiving. And then decorate our tree. A couple weeks ago we went to get house decorations and I put them up already. We already got our little purple tree up in the bedroom, so I can be near it. I'm just excited.

Last night I went to Walmart after work at 2am and just walked the aisles of toys and dvd stuff and looked at the potential presents. I looked at the warm clothes for snuggling on the couch for winter. I even looked through the Christmas music CDs. I might get one. Especially a Bing Crosby one. And this year I intend to watch two movies I've never seen: "A CHRISTMAS STORY" and "ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE." And I am thinking even of getting the actual CHRISTMAS CAROL Dickens book and reading it. Its probably my favorite Christmas story of all time. Probably why I like Scrooged so much. And now that I am older, I appreciate a movie like Christmas Vacation even more. I wanna start wrapping presents and cooking right now!!!!

I guess it just is a time machine of sorts. Something we all experience. We are transported back to a childhood either with love or loss and then we can change the present and effect the future. All around this holiday spent the world over. That is the magic of Christmas. Call me a reformed Scrooge. Not cause I hated Christmas, but cause I wasn't allowed to love it. But now I do. Now I do.

So this year, I am gonna start saying MERRY CHRISTMAS or some variation to everyone in December. Hell, I might even go out for Black Friday. Now THAT is crazy!