Disconnected...

Hey all. Its been a so-so week. Not nearly as productive as I wanted it to be. I only worked maybe one or two days on cards and coloring. For the most part I have been nursing my health. There's something wrong with me and I am not sure what it is. For a while now, I've had these slight "light-headed/dizzy spells." They come and go in a mere second and they sort of knock me off slightly, enough that I can get ill. Vertigo to a sense, but it has caused many other things to me such as much worry and even anxiety attacks. I have been actually suffering anxiety attacks when I am alone. Alone at the night job and alone at home while the wife is away. Mostly fear that there is something greater wrong with me and I am alone with the kids. But that is an irrational fear.

I want you to know that I greatly despise doctors. I know way too many people who have been misdiagnosed and even lost their lives at points because of it. However I do feel it is necessary to get your engines checked from time to time. Especially since my age has got to the point where yearly checkups might be a good idea. I wanted to avoid it while I was transitioning from morbid obesity down to being just a simple fat guy. I've went from 373 pounds to 343 pounds in three months. I've quit soda and have made better decisions as to my eating habits. Daily fruits, etc. But still, this problem remains. I still feel slightly "off." Like when you hear a song you've heard a million times but theres a guitar part missing, or the drum beat is 1/4th a second off all the sudden. Just disconnected. Its hard to explain. I'm having daily dizzy spells and even driving is becoming a problem. I went to the store today feeling really good and energetic, only to return sick and lightheaded from motion sickness. I've suffered motion sickness all my life, but for some reason it is increasing. I don't like it at all. I sometimes think it might be my body withdrawl from caffeine and all the other crap I am not partaking in so much anymore. Is that possible? I don't know. I have 36 years of bad habits I am overcoming, so I am sure I will be punished in some way... if I already haven't done too much damage to the one valuable and irreplaceable thing I have in this life: My body.

So I went to the doctor this last Friday and they took 4 vials of blood:

Needles freak me out and I didn't dare look at it, but toughed it out I did. FOUR VIALS!!! It took forever it seemed, but I got through it. They ruled out the major worries right away like heart problems, blood sugar, etc. Blood pressure was high but in the normal range. If I continued on my destructive path with food, I would likely get worse, stats-wise. But I have been changing all of that. I should know the results on Monday... IF they found anything. I doubt they will. The problem is in my head. Something with my perceptions or equilibrium. A CAT scan would be a good idea if I could get one. But to rule out anything major happening to me is helping with the anxiety. But it remains that I just feel wrong. Something is off and I can feel it. Its fucking with my world. I can make myself very dizzy doing simple things like moving my head too much. I have learned to sort of move my head with my body, like Michael Keaton in BATMAN. If I don't think about it, I can distract myself from the issues. Last night I had some friends over and we had some beers. I went slow and enjoyed myself. It seemed the more I had fun and just talked, the more I felt "normal." This thing, whatever it is, has taken over my life to some degree and I want it to be fixed.

So I am going to wait for my results this week and meanwhile just try to stay busy and distracted. Wish me luck. I wish I could describe this better, but I cannot. I just know I am not right. Hopefully I get well soon... whatever that will take.

I did finish a commission this week. It was for a pet owner who lost a dog recently. It is meant to be a holiday present. Here it is: 

Touching on the whole Itunes/U2 thing that I have ranted endlessly about on my PODCAST - I was pleased to see that the U2 album has been getting good reviews and also all U2 albums have been increasing in sales via digital and physical media. It seems the album got younger kids checking out their back catalog and thats a great thing! So I declare the album a complete win over the naysayers. I've listened to it several times and its fast approaching my favorite release of 2014 so far. But there's a couple months to go and some major albums coming.. like Foo Fighters and um, that one band... something Floyd that is Pink or something... Also Radiohead's Thom Yorke just released an album via free methods too. I gotta get that and dissect it. What an exciting time for my favorite bands!

I am fast approaching episode #300 of my MORNING SHOW PODCAST - You still have time to enter my contest to win a free copy of my 120 page full color ARTBOOK! Simply email me a question to read live on the show BY CLICKING HERE and that enters you into a drawing. Enter NOW for your chance! Its quite likely I will be recording the new episode sometime this week. So HURRY!

It appears I might be doing another live appearance somewhere in Lansing before the end of the year. I'll let you folks know as soon as details are set it stone. Probably sometime late Oct/early Nov. Stay tuned.

Those local to me who want some of my art prints can hit up THE RECORD LOUNGE in East Lansing and score some, and some killer vinyl!! They are allowing me to set up the prints there in their shop and people are digging them. So stop in if you are in East Lansing area and get my shit! Many of those prints will not be reprinted anymore, so get em while they last!!

I recently have started to recollect some CDs as well. It seems me getting rid of physical media made me miss them greatly. Luckily, Cds are dirt cheap right now so when I have a spare $5-10, I toss some to some albums. Hey, its better than spending it on fast food! I need to get a CD player that will work with my receiver though.

I suppose thats all I have for the moment. I hope you all have a good week. Hopefully I get good news about my health soon. I'll keep you all posted if I learn anything.

Much Love,  T