Various Brain Droppings...

Hello my friends. I've spent the last few days sick. I never get sick, but somehow I caught it. And I must have got it from work because a couple others in my department are sick as well. I felt well enough to go in Monday but Tuesday I woke up feeling like absolute crap. I even went to the doctor! (Now you KNOW I was sick!!!) I got some meds and they recommended a day of rest. I kept fighting it because I didn't want to lose the OT pay and a personal day plus a bonus for great attendance. But in the end, I had to do it. First time calling in sick to a proper job in 10 years. I hated it. But it turned out to be a good decision. I was sneezing, coughing and pouring from my nose and eyes all day when I got home. But I took my meds and laid down like a good boy.

I felt somewhat okay mid-day after a long nap and I worked on editing my porn store tell all book. I then shot it to my new editor friend for a look over. She'll check out a few chapters at a time and make sure I'm doing okay. Great to have another opinion! Meanwhile I'll continue with it.

But after editing for a while, I started getting worse again, so I laid back down. I watched the Beatles MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR Bluray which I bought a while ago and haven't sat and watched yet. I gotta say, it was not good. Not at all. Save for the "I Am The Walrus" part and a stripper at the end, the rest of it is nonsensical. I watched the extras and it still isn't worthy of keeping. So in a TO SELL pile it goes. Bummer.

I also watched the making of 2112/Moving Pictures RUSH Bluray, which is a go-to documentary for me. I love those Classic Album docs where they bring in the members of the band and they play the tracks live and talk about how the songs came together.

Speaking of music, this week I got to pick up my bass I bought back in January, which I've named, LEMMY.

Here he is at home. All glory to LEMMY!

I fiddled around with it a bit yesterday but nothing serious. Its slowly all coming back to me. I'm excited to get writing on some more bass driven songs in the future.

The next couple months are going to be busy ones. OT will remain at work for a bit and I will strive to save big. Each weekend I either have my kids overnight Sat-Sunday or something planned, like a comic show or something. Next week (weather permitting) I have to drive to Illinois to visit my dad and get a minor car repair done in the process. Then I am taking a day to hit Ann Arbor for the first time. There are comic and record shops there I've always wanted to visit and now I'm going to take the time to do it. I've lived in Michigan all my life and have never been there. Shame on me. Looking forward to it.

Yesterday my oldest son turned 16. I got to skype with him briefly in between sniffles and coughs. He's doing well. So weird to have a kid old enough to drive! I'm proud of him and his accomplishments.

Today, February 3rd, marks the one year anniversary that I lost my step-mom, Gloria. I always remember my moms on their birthdays and the day of their passing. I wanna pick up the phone and call my dad but he's probably having a rough day today as it is without me shining a light on it. He hasn't taken her passing well at all. Neither have I really. Its so weird to go down there and be in that house and she's not there. Its hard to imagine. Hard to think about.

I think she'd be proud of all the hard work I did since last year. When she last knew me my life was in tatters and I was a broken soul. She was worried about me. At the time when she should be at peace, she was worried about me. I'll never forgive that aspect of things. I regret that, greatly. I think about her and the confidence she tried to instill in me about my work. "You're gonna make it," She always said to me. I don't know if I have yet, or if I ever will. OR even what "making it" means for me. I have my own definition. Lately it seems like I've been treading water, big time. I know it seems okay to take a pause and take time to make sure I'm all together right. And reclaim parts of myself lost or dormant since this big reboot of my life. It's natural. But the zeal for work comes and goes. Some days I'm gung-ho and its like, "I'm back! Thank Christ!!" But then the next day I just sit and think about how I don't have anything done and what/why am I doing it? Its a vicious cycle and I hate that its happening.

I color pages on STARSLAM 2 or work on the novel or other things and I'm so damn proud of whats been happening. It's like when I drew the pages last year I was so ahead of what I wanted to do. I've got a bunch of projects started and its a mountain to finish any of them. Even if I had a month off with solid productivity, I don't know where I would be with them. It's a shitty feeling.

I'd love my razor focus back. I want to make my moms proud of me. I want to show everyone who has supported me through these rough times and before that their faith in me was in the right place. I don't feel like its too late for me to keep doing the things I love to do. Or that I shouldn't be doing them. I enjoy it. I love it. Plus, I don't know what else to do with myself.

I guess I want to say thanks for continuing to support and read/listen to me and my ramblings. Its a day to day struggle to get back onto the horse. Bare with me. I always deliver. And when its done, I'll hold those porn books in my arms with happiness. I'll get there.

Anyway, that is what is on my mind this morning. Miss you Gloria. And I miss..... myself.... whatever that is anymore.

Cheers to you all,

T

SICK!

Hey folks. Made it to the weekend but I picked up a bug somewhere. Probably from someone at work. Just coughing, achy, watery eyes and just blah feeling. I'm downing medicine and taking it easy today because I got my kids tomorrow. Hoping I'll be better for their visit. I have them overnight too.

I did take some time to color around 8 pages today. I'll show some progress to ya:

STARSLAM 2 is coming along. I have about 75 of the pages colored. 150 pages on the book total. So I'm at the halfway point. Man, its slow going. But I'm chipping away at it every chance I feel up to it. Worth the wait. Trust me!

My mind is on my boys this week. Next week my oldest son turns 16. He sent me this lovely online letter for my birthday last week. Man can he write!! 

My boys James and Scotty come over every weekend and hang out too. 

I took Scott Bot for his evals and doctor's checkup. He's 51 inches tall now. No longer needs a car seat (sniff). He also has lost his two front teeth. His autism is improving by small chunks daily. Its great to see! 

This is my last Saturday off to myself in the next couple months, and I have to spend it sick! Sucks. Every weekend forward I have to get the kids Sat-Sunday or I have something going on. Its gonna be a busy Feb/March. But I'll get through it. Good thing I delayed the release of STARSLAM 2. I'd never get it done! Thanks for your patience.

In my spare time, I've tried out some new media. I read Scott Weiland's book "NOT DEAD AND NOT FOR SALE," Which unfortunately I cannot recommend. It reads like a cliff notes version of his story. Reading wiki would be just as good. Skip it. But I did read a collection of short horror stories by Kosmic Kasey called "PIECES OF MADNESS." Really good work. So pick that up if you can. Also got my pal Joe Peacock's book: "MENTALLY INCONTINENT." Great stories from his life. Check that one out too. I got about 8 other books on my table I have to finish, so hopefully I can squeeze those in. But it feels good to read more than I used to.

In movies/TV I haven't done too much. I finished ASH VS EVIL DEAD which is good for the most part. But drags a bit here and there. I'm in the middle of JESSICA JONES on Netflix, which is good. I can recommend that. Beyond that, not much else. I do have the Brian Wilson flick "LOVE AND MERCY" to check out maybe this weekend. We'll see.

Anyway, that's a general update of my newest of the new. Back to bed with me.

T

Disconnected...

Hey all. Its been a so-so week. Not nearly as productive as I wanted it to be. I only worked maybe one or two days on cards and coloring. For the most part I have been nursing my health. There's something wrong with me and I am not sure what it is. For a while now, I've had these slight "light-headed/dizzy spells." They come and go in a mere second and they sort of knock me off slightly, enough that I can get ill. Vertigo to a sense, but it has caused many other things to me such as much worry and even anxiety attacks. I have been actually suffering anxiety attacks when I am alone. Alone at the night job and alone at home while the wife is away. Mostly fear that there is something greater wrong with me and I am alone with the kids. But that is an irrational fear.

I want you to know that I greatly despise doctors. I know way too many people who have been misdiagnosed and even lost their lives at points because of it. However I do feel it is necessary to get your engines checked from time to time. Especially since my age has got to the point where yearly checkups might be a good idea. I wanted to avoid it while I was transitioning from morbid obesity down to being just a simple fat guy. I've went from 373 pounds to 343 pounds in three months. I've quit soda and have made better decisions as to my eating habits. Daily fruits, etc. But still, this problem remains. I still feel slightly "off." Like when you hear a song you've heard a million times but theres a guitar part missing, or the drum beat is 1/4th a second off all the sudden. Just disconnected. Its hard to explain. I'm having daily dizzy spells and even driving is becoming a problem. I went to the store today feeling really good and energetic, only to return sick and lightheaded from motion sickness. I've suffered motion sickness all my life, but for some reason it is increasing. I don't like it at all. I sometimes think it might be my body withdrawl from caffeine and all the other crap I am not partaking in so much anymore. Is that possible? I don't know. I have 36 years of bad habits I am overcoming, so I am sure I will be punished in some way... if I already haven't done too much damage to the one valuable and irreplaceable thing I have in this life: My body.

So I went to the doctor this last Friday and they took 4 vials of blood:

Needles freak me out and I didn't dare look at it, but toughed it out I did. FOUR VIALS!!! It took forever it seemed, but I got through it. They ruled out the major worries right away like heart problems, blood sugar, etc. Blood pressure was high but in the normal range. If I continued on my destructive path with food, I would likely get worse, stats-wise. But I have been changing all of that. I should know the results on Monday... IF they found anything. I doubt they will. The problem is in my head. Something with my perceptions or equilibrium. A CAT scan would be a good idea if I could get one. But to rule out anything major happening to me is helping with the anxiety. But it remains that I just feel wrong. Something is off and I can feel it. Its fucking with my world. I can make myself very dizzy doing simple things like moving my head too much. I have learned to sort of move my head with my body, like Michael Keaton in BATMAN. If I don't think about it, I can distract myself from the issues. Last night I had some friends over and we had some beers. I went slow and enjoyed myself. It seemed the more I had fun and just talked, the more I felt "normal." This thing, whatever it is, has taken over my life to some degree and I want it to be fixed.

So I am going to wait for my results this week and meanwhile just try to stay busy and distracted. Wish me luck. I wish I could describe this better, but I cannot. I just know I am not right. Hopefully I get well soon... whatever that will take.

I did finish a commission this week. It was for a pet owner who lost a dog recently. It is meant to be a holiday present. Here it is: 

Touching on the whole Itunes/U2 thing that I have ranted endlessly about on my PODCAST - I was pleased to see that the U2 album has been getting good reviews and also all U2 albums have been increasing in sales via digital and physical media. It seems the album got younger kids checking out their back catalog and thats a great thing! So I declare the album a complete win over the naysayers. I've listened to it several times and its fast approaching my favorite release of 2014 so far. But there's a couple months to go and some major albums coming.. like Foo Fighters and um, that one band... something Floyd that is Pink or something... Also Radiohead's Thom Yorke just released an album via free methods too. I gotta get that and dissect it. What an exciting time for my favorite bands!

I am fast approaching episode #300 of my MORNING SHOW PODCAST - You still have time to enter my contest to win a free copy of my 120 page full color ARTBOOK! Simply email me a question to read live on the show BY CLICKING HERE and that enters you into a drawing. Enter NOW for your chance! Its quite likely I will be recording the new episode sometime this week. So HURRY!

It appears I might be doing another live appearance somewhere in Lansing before the end of the year. I'll let you folks know as soon as details are set it stone. Probably sometime late Oct/early Nov. Stay tuned.

Those local to me who want some of my art prints can hit up THE RECORD LOUNGE in East Lansing and score some, and some killer vinyl!! They are allowing me to set up the prints there in their shop and people are digging them. So stop in if you are in East Lansing area and get my shit! Many of those prints will not be reprinted anymore, so get em while they last!!

I recently have started to recollect some CDs as well. It seems me getting rid of physical media made me miss them greatly. Luckily, Cds are dirt cheap right now so when I have a spare $5-10, I toss some to some albums. Hey, its better than spending it on fast food! I need to get a CD player that will work with my receiver though.

I suppose thats all I have for the moment. I hope you all have a good week. Hopefully I get good news about my health soon. I'll keep you all posted if I learn anything.

Much Love,  T

Spoilers and Sickness

No April Fool's joke here today folks. I'm too tired to put effort into doing anything for it really. So read on, assured that there's no tricksies awaiting you.

Well, the kids once again prove to be a germ farm and magnet, which I cannot avoid. I NEVER got sick before I had kids, now I get it often. Scott was sick on Saturday and puked three times, then seemed okay. Sunday night, the wife had a bad stomach ache and vomited all night. I woke up Monday morning with hardcore bad stomach problems but luckily never upchucked. I hate doing that! I woke baby James up and found out he vomited in his crib during the night and it reeeeeeeked! I had to change all his sheets, obviously. So I tried to run things around here as normal, but I was in pain most of the day with it and then it developed into full on flu like symptoms. I was shaking, sweating, sore, achey all over. I tried to get as much sleep as I could and downed the Advil. Today I am feeling about 75% better and good enough to get things back to normal around here. I gotta clean the house a bit and then get Mayhem to the printer. I wanted to get it there by Friday but I was waiting on a page from one of my artists and then the kids and I got sick. Today: Back on the horse.

I wanted to touch on something right quick about "Spoilers." After the Walking Dead season finale, I saw people complaining on social media about spoilers and people posting spoilers. Here's the thing folks...

Its 2014. We live in a very NEWS NOW society and social graces is severely lacking. And you cannot change it. You cannot fix people from not being the most tactful to respect people who haven't watched a TV show or movie as quickly as you did. So I propose this bit of logic: when you know there's a major event coming up (TV, MOVIE, etc) and you aren't able to see it the time of its first appearance, avoid social media. Just avoid it. You don't NEED to log on anyway. Just avoid it til you see it and then come on and talk with like minded people about it. Yes, I label it as YOUR fault. You didn't realize that its 2014 and we are in the GOTTA HAVE IT NOW world. Also: If you have friends in your list that are repeat offenders of posting spoilers, maybe block their feed or delete them as a "friend." There are plenty of ways to avoid spoilers and I think you have no right to complain about it. Its like if you were on a diet and you purposely walk into a Mcds to smell the food and the temptation to order a 20 piece and fries is too great for you. YOU WALKED IN!!! So quit blaming others for spoilers. Take charge of your feed. Just some friendly advice because I tire of people complaining about spoilers. I wouldn't go on and start dropping spoilers to be an ass, but people do. Realize thats the world we live in and adjust accordingly.

The wife is going on vacation this week and I am looking forward to her going on kid duty for some of it so I can get some work done. Also my oldest son is coming to visit and thats always a good time. Lots going on the next two weeks. YAY!

Anyway, peace and love, have a good week, and cheers! T