Finding My Way

Cue the music:



Music has been big to me lately. As it always is. Wouldn't have it any other way.

After last week's mini-freak out, I decided to take a step back outside myself and put all my artworking and writing off my TO DO list. My weekly to do list contained only mundane house chores and groceries to get. So that any spare time I had, I would just let what happens, happen. It was a grand experiment to keep myself off task to see what I would do.

I did some reading. I got Empowered book 6, the new Invincible and DK3 comics. Also grabbed a copy of Airship Enterprise by my pal Brian Denham. He gave me a free pdf a while back, but I bought it to support it. And so should you! I turned off Facebook and read articles online and lots of Huffington Post non-political things. Also caught up with online comics I haven't read in 5 years like PVP or Cyanide and Happiness. Kept my fingers busy. I also ordered some new books on Amazon that should be here next week or so.

I did some watching. I watched a doc on Cannon Films, some Family Guy episodes I haven't seen yet. I listened to my week's worth of Howard Stern and watched a doc on H.R. Giger. It was an odd one. I know I might have talked in the past about how H.R. Giger was a proud owner of one of the erotica pieces I did for a Swizerland gallery back in 2011. It still blows my mind. My go to joke is that the dude probably wandered in there drunk and needed toilet paper. (Again, knocking myself... but this is HR FUCKING GIGER we're talking about. I'm embarrassed as fuck.) But then again, something appealed him to the piece and so he bought it. Shows me a thing or two. People may shit on my work sometimes, but he liked it. (Pour out a 40 for him) So it goes.

Anyway, after I took some time to watch some shit, I'd find myself at my computer coloring a page or two. I even took out some paper and added more panels to some Starslam pages. I got hired for a commission and did that today. I didn't force myself to. I just did. Cause I wanted to.

Lesson: Even when I am thinking I am burned out, I still desire to work. I just overwhelm myself. I need to find a flow, but not beat myself up about it. I can't tell you how great a relief it is to know that my heart is still in it. I was worried for a minute.

Despite the great amount of job hours, time with the kids and time for myself, the work still continues. I just gotta let it flow and not force it. It comes as it does. I still don't know when it will be done, but its rolling along. Next time, I won't bust out an announcement until it is completely in the can. Maybe my newspaper deadline days are over.

I unearthed some erotica drawings I did at some point and never scanned in or colored. Weird! So maybe I'll finish those and upload them to the adult deviantart site. Stuff always happens. Whether I plan it to or not. Good to know I was ahead at some point.

This week is STAR WARS week. Somehow I gotta try to find a way to see the flick and beat the crowds and find a spot where I can see it around sleep and work. Good thing I'm away from FB and Twitter to avoid the spoilers. Although I pretty much have spoiled the movie from all I know about it. But I still think I will enjoy the hell out of it. The force flows strong. I'm getting excited. I might buy a toy or two. I wish my kids were older to go see it with me. My girlfriend certainly has no interest. I'm on my own with that. So it goes.

Life is a juggle in the jungle. No matter what you do, you make someone or yourself miserable. I'm slowly trying to learn to not make myself as miserable as I used to. Perhaps its shrapnel from a year of hell. Maybe its all in my head. But the smoke clears and then what do you got left?

That is what matters.

That and a good cooked meal:

yeah I cooked Fried Chicken, Taters and Beans. YUM!

I'm still me, after all that has been. I just gotta figure out who that ME is. What makes him happy. What he really wants. What he does. What he has left to do.

Bare with me.

T