Monday, October 17, 2016

Passing the Ball

In today's blog I'm going to talk about my boys.

I got three kids and all are unique in their own way. They got their own likes and pursuits and I'm blessed to have them in my life. Our stories and struggles together are each different and special. Life has thrown all of us many bumps and high tides. And time/distance sometimes keeps all of us not as close in proximity as other families. But they are always on my mind.

Most days, I am occupied trying to right my own ship and provide for myself a stable life, one where I got to pursue my dreams and provide for their respective futures. I've had a good run of it so far on my own stuff. I've traveled far, made new friends and spent valued time of my limited life using my voice to create things to share. Through comics, music, words and other means, I've been able to express myself and pursue those dreams. And I continue to do so.

Along the way, I made three people.

To be honest, I never thought I would be a parent. There was a time in my life where I was never comfortable around kids. I couldn't relate to them. I'm a big kid myself. Perhaps I was too selfish to even consider being a parent. It takes time, sacrifice and so many other mixtures of things that I just knew I would be no good at. But it happened. And its been a challenge for various reasons along the way. It certainly hasn't been easy at all.

But then there are days where things just connect and you sit and think: Man, this all worked out. How did this happen?

That's the story of my kids. All three are well rounded people and all finding their way with what they got.

My youngest, James: He's got his obsessions. Mainly - Vacuums! Its all he talks about. He recreates videos of people demonstrating vacuums. He's excellent at helping with the house cleaning. He would make an excellent actor or storyteller. He's still young and has his moods, but in the end, he's always hugging on daddy and saying, "I love you." Even when I am at my moodiest and crankiest, one good hug and an "I love you" turns my whole day around. Cause I know he means it.

Two wild and crazy guys!

My eight year old: Scott-bot. He is an absolute joy to have in my life. He doesn't just battle autism, he masters it. In the last few years he has learned to beat Angry Birds all the way through, master using short key commands and typing full sentences on a mac, use google and pull images for specific image searches, crop photos online and save them for printing, cut straight lines, write and read, speak clearly and make his own movies and photos. There's even more to that. He does his own thing and he's in his own world. He's happy in it. We don't connect often while he's doing his thing but sometimes he'll come to me for a hug and we wrestle and play tickle fight. I've learned to celebrate the life I was given with him and embrace the unique perspective of having an autistic child. I'm quite lucky with him and his ongoing development. 

Scotty taking over my computer... again!

Lastly, my oldest son: Cody. He turns 17 in a couple months. Today he accepted a special award for outstanding grades in his school. The dude is taller than me and has a full damn beard! He came and spent some time with me this summer. I got to take him down south to where my family began. It was a trip we needed to take for a variety of reasons. But when we got back we did things together like play video games and cards against humanity. (Oh man what a trip it was to talk about these dirty things on the cards to my own kid, and he KNEW what they all were! He truly is mine, indeed!)

He's got a full ride scholarship to a couple colleges. He has plans/dreams/schemes of his own. He's right where I was when I began doing comic books and making my own dreams come to life. And I think he's doing that now with what he does. Its incredible to see and know him. He is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me in my life.


Congrats man. You earned it.

I'm goddamn lucky to be a dad to three great boys. Each of them do things that make me proud. While daddy is struggling with his own life and demons, each of them say to me in their own way, "Hey man, I got this."

All our lives are a struggle. We all got our own shit going on. Things haven't been easy. But we're making a go of it. And me seeing their daily improvements, achievements and milestones has been the best award of all. I got the wonderful opportunities in my life to express myself and to roll with my wants, dreams and desires. And I know someday, I will get to sit back and watch theirs happen for them too.

That is part of why I am trying to clear my stove of projects and get out all projects that I promised to myself and to the world. Because one day, my shot will have been taken. Completed. I did it. Its over. Now, its their turn. And I'm not sad in the least about that. I'm happy to pass the ball to them and let them take it to the hoop.

I still got time to finish all I have promised. They still get to watch daddy go for it before they get to step up. But that time is coming. and I'm perfectly fine with that. It's been a good life.

I'm thankful for whatever brought all four of us together in this crazy world and that we all share something unique and insane. They are made of everything that is wonderful and make me want to be the hero of my story.... and theirs.

Onward and upward to all my boys and their journeys, bold and unique. Get ready for the layup run, because very soon I'm going to be tossing the ball your way.

----T

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