Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Downtime

I've come to really hate downtime.

Downtime comes from anywhere. Either my lack of time to get anything done. Too many things calling for my attention. Too much self doubt or thinky pain seeping into me and freezing my ability to do anything. Health issues preventing me from doing my thing...

All of this leads to a long period of fucking downtime. It seems endless. Sometimes it seems eternal.

The ideas are there. The drive to get it done is there. But all these other things in my way are hurdles to the end goal of just sitting at a table with a pencil and the opportunity to get it done.

We all have responsibilities and day to day doings. I guess when I was younger I could handle it better. I didn't have as many things in my way. But I could juggle full time college, relationships, friends, two jobs and still find time to get my comics done. I wish it could still be that way, but I guess I've resigned to the fact that it simply is not.

I got many things on the burner. Various books and writings. Comics and other art pieces. These Tshirt ideas that keep nagging at my brain to get them up and out. Then administrative stuff with the website, podcast, blogs, etc.

I'm not complaining about these things at all. I LOVE these things. And I love it when people message me wanting them or cannot wait for them. Its a good feeling. I guess I love beating myself up that I am not as fast as I used to be. Driven, I still am. But fast, no. (sigh)

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans, right? I guess a lot of me has been focusing on life. Like this:

I got D and I a new mattress. The old one was giving out, even though I only had it a year and a half. It was a piece of shit really. I should have invested in a good ART VAN one. But no, I had to go the cheap route. Made for a sore back for sure. Anyway, we got a new one last week and have been sleeping much better. Although Luna here misses her old climbing obstacle, we had to toss the thing. Poor girl.

We try so hard to make time for friends. Its like we got a rotation going. And there are several friends we want to hang out with but just cannot seem to get things rolling to where we can get together. But this past weekend, my pal Matt came up and we went to Cheddars and drank a lot of booze. Here he is enjoying some desserts.

Meanwhile on our own, D and I have been taking care of each other. She made me some Chicken Alfredo that I took to work with me yesterday. We're trying to get into a routine of being around for each other and WITH each other. Juggling work and our outside activities can seem like too much sometimes.
In as much as I am frustrated about the downtime I have away from my comics and other creative stuff going on, I'm also upset about the lack of time I have just being at home. I am about 6 episodes behind on PREACHER, behind on my daily writing and sketching, behind on some gaming stuff, behind on cleaning tasks and sorting things.... I think I would do well to have a week or two off from everything so I can just get caught up and get things where I need them to be. Frankly, I'm exhausted.

But I know its not going to let up. At the day job I am working OT every week now, which is great, but means other things are now 2-4 hours behind per day. I get fatigued and wired up on wanting to do, but cannot do it when I actually find myself time to get to it. You know that feeling? Anyway, when I shake off this shit, I gotta put the finishing touches on this new book and get it kickstarted. Then finish off Starslam 3, which is more than halfway done. Then finish off the two other things, then get shirts up somehow in there. Then work on novel stuff. Hopefully some more music I have been working on sporadically in between all of that...

Fuck I hate downtime. Some of it is lack of time or by design... but the downtime caused by myself, is what hurts the most. I think I am going to take this latter part of the year and focus on just slowing down and getting some shit done at home. Gotta keep my head, you know?

Maybe instead of complaining about it, I need time just to get DOWN and BOOGIE!

I also know that some of this might just be from me reading the news everyday. The constant threat of nuclear war, the white supremacy rallies and how our "president" is not presiding or directing us as to the life we should want... maybe its the world dragging us down and not ourselves. Let's agree to shake it off and flip this downtime upside down and get back to business! Who is with me?

--T



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