I've come to really hate downtime.
Downtime comes from anywhere. Either my lack of time to get anything done. Too many things calling for my attention. Too much self doubt or thinky pain seeping into me and freezing my ability to do anything. Health issues preventing me from doing my thing...
All of this leads to a long period of fucking downtime. It seems endless. Sometimes it seems eternal.
The ideas are there. The drive to get it done is there. But all these other things in my way are hurdles to the end goal of just sitting at a table with a pencil and the opportunity to get it done.
We all have responsibilities and day to day doings. I guess when I was younger I could handle it better. I didn't have as many things in my way. But I could juggle full time college, relationships, friends, two jobs and still find time to get my comics done. I wish it could still be that way, but I guess I've resigned to the fact that it simply is not.
I got many things on the burner. Various books and writings. Comics and other art pieces. These Tshirt ideas that keep nagging at my brain to get them up and out. Then administrative stuff with the website, podcast, blogs, etc.
I'm not complaining about these things at all. I LOVE these things. And I love it when people message me wanting them or cannot wait for them. Its a good feeling. I guess I love beating myself up that I am not as fast as I used to be. Driven, I still am. But fast, no. (sigh)
Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans, right? I guess a lot of me has been focusing on life. Like this:
But I know its not going to let up. At the day job I am working OT every week now, which is great, but means other things are now 2-4 hours behind per day. I get fatigued and wired up on wanting to do, but cannot do it when I actually find myself time to get to it. You know that feeling? Anyway, when I shake off this shit, I gotta put the finishing touches on this new book and get it kickstarted. Then finish off Starslam 3, which is more than halfway done. Then finish off the two other things, then get shirts up somehow in there. Then work on novel stuff. Hopefully some more music I have been working on sporadically in between all of that...
Fuck I hate downtime. Some of it is lack of time or by design... but the downtime caused by myself, is what hurts the most. I think I am going to take this latter part of the year and focus on just slowing down and getting some shit done at home. Gotta keep my head, you know?
Maybe instead of complaining about it, I need time just to get DOWN and BOOGIE!
I also know that some of this might just be from me reading the news everyday. The constant threat of nuclear war, the white supremacy rallies and how our "president" is not presiding or directing us as to the life we should want... maybe its the world dragging us down and not ourselves. Let's agree to shake it off and flip this downtime upside down and get back to business! Who is with me?
--T
No comments:
Post a Comment