Happy Mother's Day

Hey friends. Long week of work and then some illness. Been having some stomach shit going on. It still sorta is around. I've been trying to take it easy. But---- I bothered to make a big meal for Mother's Day:

Roast with gravy, biscuits, taters and chicken dumplings.

 I realized that today, May 14th is not only Mother's Day but also my mom's birthday. She woulda been 71 today. I like cooking taters and dumplings on Mother's Day because my mom taught me how to make my mashed potatoes. Its a special recipe that people always love. It isn't rocket science, but I make them the same way every time since she taught me. I even still use the same yellow strainer and the mixer she gave me back when I was in high school moving out on my own. In all my moves, they've never got damaged or replaced. Its like we are making them together. And for the Chicken Dumplings: people go ape shit over them. Its a southern recipe that was taught to me by Gloria, my step-mom who came along into our lives after my mom died. They were friends growing up and her and my dad became companions after my mom died 17 years ago. We got close, her and I. So much so that I felt comfortable giving her the honorary title of "Mom." I didn't hand that out lightly, but I felt she earned it. I'd send her Mother's Day cards and call her too. I miss her as well. She taught me how to make the dumplings. Judith, my real mom made them as well, but she never had the chance to teach me how to make them. With Gloria, I had the chance. She gave me a rolling pin from her collection to help in my efforts. On her deathbed she told me that the rolling pin she gave me was her grandmothers. It makes it all the more special. I still use it today. So anytime I make the combo of Taters and Dumplings, I am honoring them. The above pic is the result. Now, the beef roast? That is my recipe. All of us together on one plate. (The biscuits are courtesy of that doughboy from Pillsbury)

Man, I wish they were here. I miss them both greatly. Sometimes I really need someone to talk to and they both were it. While I do talk with my dad a lot I still had a special connection with them that cannot be recreated. There are times lately that I really wish they were here for some much needed advice or an ear to lend. It sucks that I don't have that anymore and I gotta pay some stranger to listen to my problems. Moms are free therapists and usually don't stretch appointments to keep the money rolling in. The advice is sympathetic but also stern and straight to the point. I miss that. After my mom died, I cannot tell you how many times I'd pick up the phone and start to dial her and then it would hit me, "Oh yeah." She's not there. (sigh) So it goes. 

Always honor your parents, folks. Because one day, they will be gone. And all you will have left is what they taught you and what little time they had with you. Hopefully it was just enough to get you through the rest of your days. And to all the moms out there: We appreciate your efforts to raise your kids the best way you can. Thank you. Truly is the most important job in the world, not to raise another asshole. Cheers to you.

___________________

I haven't done much on new art pages this week. My carpal tunnel has been acting up. But I did finish this promo image...

FACEBOOK:

So I decided I will be leaving my personal account and posting only in an official Artist/Writer account located: HERE - Click LIKE and FOLLOW to see what I am doing there. I'm not adding friends to my personal account and I am avoiding certain dramas and other things that distract and bring me down. This page is focused on ME ONLY. I'm going to do my best to keep my posts there about me, my work, things in my life, etc. All positive. No politics. No drama. Etc. I'm hoping this can ween me off that damn site completely. So if you private message me on the FB, I likely will not respond or see it. My other old page will remain there but its closed, all pics and things are closed and I will not be using it. If I can erase it without altering what I got on my new page, I will. Facebook is hard to figure out with their BS sometimes. But anyway, if I got anything daily to share, I'll share it there. But all personal stuff I'll keep to the blog here. Make with the LIKE and FOLLOW if you want. Enjoy.

I hope I feel better this next week. My stomach issues are up and down mostly. I just gotta get through this week and then next week I am on vacation to go visit my dad (and my two mom's graves) in Illinois. Plus other stuff. I NEED a break from the rat race of it all. My candle is pretty burnt.

Anyway folks, thanks for checking back. Much love to you all,

--T

Closing the Museum and Reclaiming ME (through DVDs/BR's!)

Welcome back friends. It has been a while since I've done a deep waters type of blog. Bare with me.

My dad is visiting me this weekend. He's really in deep grief over losing his wife last year. Completely understandable. I feel bad for him. He was married to my mom for 33 years until she died in 2000. Then he remarries a great, great gal and she dies 14 years later. Now he's in his 70s and alone. He lives in a big house full of reminders of her and his past life with others and he doesn't know how to deal with it. He now suffers from major anxiety, panic attacks and probably depression. He hides it well, but I know the symptoms.

I am similar in many ways. I've lost my life at one point as well. Twice, actually. When you basically have to start over from these things, you go through the feels. And its important to go through them. Sadness, Anger, Bitterness... but then one day it sort of just goes POOF! And its gone. Like, yeah it happened. But you made it through it. You survived. You cannot live like a victim all your life.

People die.
People get divorced.
Shit happens.
And its not unique.
Like ocean tides, we ride it all out.

In the end, you find yourself still standing. But when you build your life around someone else and they are no longer there, you are forced to look inward and find out who YOU are. In many ways, I'm still doing that. Maybe I always will be.

When we encounter loss of any sort, you hold on to things. When my mom died, I kept many items that was hers. It made me feel better. But slowly it became a pain to take these things with me and make them a part of my life. Slowly, I learned to let these things go. They where ghosts. Pieces in a museum of my history. And I got tired of reliving it. Some I tossed. Some I gave away to people who I consider personally close to. It just felt right to part with these things. I no longer needed them. In the end, it was just STUFF. And not MY STUFF. I got the best parts of that person anyway in my head. Memories. Their voice in my head. I miss both my moms very much, but they will always still be alive in me, in some way.

Also, when you encounter loss of any sort, you start to reclaim things about yourself. I got back into heavy production of my comics and working hard at 2-3 jobs. Then I got a main job and focused heavy on that. I got the added bonus of meeting many new friends and traveling more. And then I met a couple girls who changed my life and gave me happiness. One girl chose to pursue the life she wanted and I encouraged it. Happy for her. Now I met someone else out of nowhere and she is a different animal. She has helped me embrace parts of myself that I always ignored and have now become comfortable with. She listens and cares about me. She reads my stories and loves to catch up on my blogs here and my podcasts. She's thirsty for knowledge about me. Its unreal. But quite welcome!

All these things I put on the back burner before. But now, I've made them and my happiness a priority. I had to. I had to create NEW memories. I didn't want to be haunted by what happened. I couldn't become a bitter, angry person. I wanted to live and be happy. It took a while, but I made it. Sure, it pops up now and then, but mostly now, its gone. Life goes on and so must we all.

So we close the museum and we reclaim who we are. When I started my journey of the big REBOOT back in January 2015, I had nothing. Just my clothes, cds, vinyl, computer and my books. No tv, no furniture, no bed. I sold all my dvds and blurays to help with my move, food, gas and new bills. Cause I wasn't being paid dick at my two part time jobs. So when I got stable and I found that I enjoyed this new focused priority on my comics and traveling, I decided its time to reclaim ME. And by me, through STUFF! So I did. Little by little I increased my vinyl collection and I started buying DVDs and BluRays. Today I went and got a shelf for them. Check out my collection:

My new shelf! I still don't have ALL my discs on there. I might have to get another one!

My BluRays and Horror collection. Some are missing cause they are loaned out!

Some TV box sets. Some for the kids, but mostly for me!

Odds and Ends, Comedy, Music related and Stand Up!

I don't have nearly as much as I want to get, but I will work on it over time. These here represent me reclaiming myself. I bought back all I had lost and even more. I could make a list of things I want but I honestly have no agenda. I just get things when the whimsy hits me. It feels good. Shelf porn. I'm a big fan of it. I proudly display my things again instead of hiding them from my kids. I'll teach them to respect my things and not touch them... especially that Scott-Bot, who I know is gonna flip when he sees this! (He loves playing with discs)

I don't even have time to sit and watch these movies. Most of these I have never watched since the day I bought them. But I wanted them. Because they are a part of me. The museum of ME! Not a memory of something sad that happened to me. But its a visual soundtrack to my life and likes. This, and my vinyl and my CDs... along with my comics, my kids, my writing... all of these are me.

And I am happy today to say, I like me. Maybe for the first time, ever.

--T

(PS And speaking of reclaiming, I got tickets to see GUNS N ROSES on their reunion tour with my pals Nick and Christine. Its gonna be fuckin' balls awesome!) 

Kickstarter: LAST DAY!

Hey everyone. Sorry for the lack of updates in a week and change. Been busy! Kids have Thanksgiving week off and thus, I don't get use of my computer all day! This past weekend I took a surprise trip 8 hours south to southern Illinois to see my folks. My step-mom is having some issues with her cancer and so I thought they could use a nice surprise visit, even though it was very short. But I am back after a crazy couple days of driving and no-sleep. Last week also, I was 100% focused on getting my Marvel cards done and out the door. I got two more sets coming I gotta work on, but I got time on them.

For now, lets talk STARSLAM!!!

As of this writing, there's less than 26 hours left. Home stretch. We're now at almost $2700!!!! FAR FAR beyond what I asked for initially. I am really blown away by the support for this book. And best for me, about 95% of the people pledging are people I don't know! So I am gaining new readers with this Kickstarter Project, which is what this whole thing is about.

Crunching the numbers: After I pay for printing and shipping costs, I will not clear much for personal funds. Maybe around $500. I didn't think I'd have to ship so many books. Also, I neglected to charge extra for overseas shipping. But I am happy as hell to eat the cost on it so that people can read my stuff. The fact that they checked me out at all means the world to me. So NO COMPLAINTS at all on my end! This whole thing was about getting new eyes on my stuff and this certainly has done that!

The book is 110% done and waiting for launch day. I got my files in my drop box, ready to place my order with Greko printing. All is set. And guess what else... This last week, I started work on STARSLAM #2!!!

Today I pencilled page nine. So I am already NINE PAGES into it! The sequel will come soon. Don't want to rush it. But I can say its bigger and bolder than the first one. Real good stories and tons of sexy time in it. And to those waiting on other stuff from me: Its still coming. But after the instant success of STARSLAM Book #1, I just had to rush work on starting a sequel. I had the outline of a script already but I fleshed it out after I got initial funding and started thumbnailing and researching. This week, I started on it. I want to stay ahead of the game. So sometime next year, I will launch another Kickstarter for STARSLAM 2, and it will (hopefully) be as successful as the first one! We shall see. One thing at a time.

I urge you all to jump in on this book. Join the kickstarter for Starslam by choosing your reward right HERE - It is done tomorrow night at 10pm. The perfect end to Thanksgiving!!

I want to thank everyone who their notes, RT's, pledges and kind words during the last 30 days. I especially have to toss out thanks to people like Dean Stahl, Brett Pinson and Tim Fischer, all who helped me out greatly in the production of this book. I couldn't have done it without you! Starslam started as a whim idea back in 2008. It was rejected twice at SDCC by two erotica publishers. It was a webstrip that sort of failed to get lots of readers to the site. I didn't have any way to reach out. But Kickstarter has done it for me. I have gained an audience. I hope I earn them by delivering a good book that they all enjoy! I look ahead to all the books I gotta personally sketch, sign, include commissions in and all that, and its quite overwhelming! But I am excited as hell to start on it! Thank you all!

Lets drive this baby home!

Cheers, T