The days drift on, I do what I can with what I got. Living check to check, freelance gig to freelance gig... hoping the pay comes in, and it doesn't. Hoping I can push this and that bill off for another week. Tis the world of the freelance artist.
But all is not lost! I am in the process of still looking for employment help. I scored a DREAM interview at a DREAM job this week. As I applied, I didn't think I had a snowballs chance. Its too perfect. Too good to be true. I don't deserve it. But sure enough, I got an offer for an interview. Sure its just an interview, but after months of "NOs" and let downs every day about no money rolling in, the potential of a dream come true opportunity is quite refreshing. So I will go to the interview hoping for the best. I shall present my best. Maybe I'll score the gig, maybe I won't. Come what may, and I shall adjust, like always. But I am excited for the potential future.
I am always adjusting in life. But lately, there's been some things come along that I just cannot quite work around. My duties as a dad are #1 in my life. But in doing so, the idea of having a consistant creative schedule is increasingly difficult. To set aside time to draw or dream up a page of words is fewer and fewer. Right now, I have a stove full of projects cooking and no time to get to any of them. I do little commissions here and there and they are fine. But no forward progress is made at all to help clear the stove and serve the meal. I had a nice run early this year by publishing four books and that felt damn good. But I haven't been able to hit the road much to promote them. And now I am back in the studio wanting to get the next stuff done and I cannot.
Its mainly because I only have a 3 hour window during the day to get things done. It can be frustrating but it is necessary. I suppose I sometimes miss the days where I could take a nap then hit the cafe and light pencil 5 pages and write in my sketchbook, do a poem or two. But I cannot anymore. So I am struggling to find a routine. I have to, because the kids crave routine. I guess I do too. I just feel odd not being as productive as I used to be. I feel weird not putting the finishing touches on a thing, wheras the 20 pages I have ahead of me feels like a mountain in my way. I'm trying to push myself through the slush and get things rolling. I think my mind would be clearer if bills were not a factor. We were fine before James' surprise surgery sort of derailed us badly.
Thats why I am hoping big for this job to connect. I need this. I need to get out and talk to other people. I need it so bad. I need to be on my feet and kicking butt again. I need to do things to improve people's day and feel like I did a good job. I didn't realize how much I missed that, and I need that in my life.
Come what may, I shall adjust. I shall find a new routine and I will stand next to the mountain, chop it down with the edge of my hand. Cause I'm a Voodoo Child!
Get it?
Anyway, things in general are well. Don't worry about me. I'm just checking in and letting you all know I am alive and well. I'm doing great and I got hope riding in my saddle with me. Lets do this thing and kick some arse!
T
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