Living in the Moment

Hey friends.

My BOOK SALE continues! Ends this Friday. Take advantage by clicking on my post about it before. 

In addition to the book sale, I decided to do a one week only COMMISSION SALE! Basically you get two commissions for the price of one! Sale ends Friday as well. Look at commission info by clicking HEREJust know that when you order, youre getting TWO pieces for the same price. Hurry! It ends this Friday. 

Today I had a great moment I wanted to share. Well, several in fact. I spent this weekend with my boys. They are growing up so fast. They were so well behaved that its unreal. I played cars, Hungry Hippos and tickle fights. And of course, vacuumed with little James. After I dropped them off I spent a few hours on my own. I just vegged out watching FORCE AWAKENS, PEARL JAM TWENTY and IM YOUR SAVIOR (A Jim Florentine stand up thingie). My girl got home and we watched DEMON KNIGHT. We finished it this morning, actually. I had never seen it. 

This morning I was trying to pull the cord to start up my art engine but it didnt take. Instead I spent all morning with my girl. I wont go into details, but it was a nice morning all around. 

Then I go to work. A couple weeks ago I recommended my pal Dean for a position in our department. I knew all along he'd get it. And im glad to say he did! Finally today we were standing together at work... For thr first time in ten years. It was a moment.

Back in 2002, I got a job at the Morning Sun newspaper. He worked there at the time. I kinda already knew him from the comics world and I worked with his wife. But for five years there we worked together. We ate our lunches together and chatted about everything in our lives. He became a close friend of mine. Then he left in 2006 to move to the Lansing area and a new job. I spent another year at the newspaper before doing another move of my own to southwest Michigan. There I worked two different jobs and then relocated back to Lansing. We made it a point to keep in touch. Once back in Lansing, we started monthly drinking and game nights. We drifted through a sea of comic show appearances and personal life ups and downs. He was there for me in very key events during thr breakup of my marriage and his friendship has meant the world to me. 

Cut to this year: Im working at my graphic design job. Ita a great place, great pay, wonderful opportunities and a room full of some of the best people Ive ever known. Some of whom I got real close with. As you know, one of them was Caleb, my friend who passed away on August 6th. After the smoke cleared when that went down, the question did arise: who can come in and join us there at the job? I immediately thought of Dean. 

No one can replace my friend. But the idea of a close friend there in addtion to my new friends at work would really lift my spirits. Its been weird there since Caleb has been gone. And i know Dean has the type of personality that would fit in quite well there. Everyone would feel comfortsble with him, and I know he could learn new skills and do the job well. I pushed hard for him to get it. And he did. 

So today, we stood there. Ten years after the newspaper. Many moves, jobs, relationships and sorrows later. Instantly I felt better. "My friend is here!" I thought. Its going to be okay now. Its going to be great. He's going to grow and learn and earn a wage that he is worth! Screw these jo-jobs that have treated us like shit all our lives. Now we're here together and we're gonna kick some ass. He made me smile again in that room. 

I couldn't help it. I gave him a hug for the first time in our almost fifteen year friendship. The moment wasn't lost on me. Who he is to me. What this new job means to him. What it represented for us to be standing there in the same spot. I felt like crying. I just knew then: I'm going to be ok. 

Life is full of little moments like that. Make sure you mark them in your own life. Its important to know how far you have come in this life, and who you hold dear. I know we're going to have a great time working together again. 

Today was a great moment. The moment I knew Im going to be ok. 

--T

Daily Life Goingz Onzzzzz

Hello my friends.

You know what I did yesterday for the first time in months?

Nothing.

After I got out of work, I literally laid in our living room by my book cases in my little wavy reading chair/couch thingy and did... NOTHING. I even dozed off for a spell. I intended to sit and read a bit, as there are books I have recently bought and haven't read. But I didn't. I should have been up digitally coloring or drawing my next page. But I didn't. I coulda been up taking care of my online needs but I didn't. I just did fucking nothing. And man was it exquisite! And later that night, I laid in bed and watched 4 episodes of X-FILES... a show I kept putting off for years and am now enjoying...

...because I've learned to allow myself to!

I've been in constant motion since January of this year. But after the second move this last weekend out of my (very short lived) "bachelor pad," and into my new place, 100%... I found myself with a great sense of calmness and relief. Things are settling into a comfortable routine for me here. Which is weird to say, because I've been living here for over two months! I'm just in a damn good headspace right now. I think a lot of it has to do with my new dayjob.

I am working at a place called CAP CITY REPROGRAPHICS in old town Lansing. I work with a great group of people and the work is coming easier to me. We're dreaming up new ideas and better ways to get new clients and make new products. Its laid back, but also sparks great interest. Its a fertile environment... one I haven't felt in a job in a loooooong time. I feel we're doing good work there and I am no longer focused on what I perceive as my "failures" of trying to find a job related to art. I'm helping other artists get their work out to the people. From doing art prints of their stuff, to business cards, scanning in large work, printing blueprints, color correcting painting and old photographs, designing logos and learning new shortcuts in various programs. I think I've learned more about Canon and HP printers in one week than I've ever learned in a whole lifetime. Its been a total trip.

The best part? My co-workers are good people. We all have families and our own individual things going. There's no drama and no issues at all. We're all excited for the changes happening and are looking to take the company to the next level. Its a passion and zeal for work that is rare to find in today's world. It's my kind of company and I feel like I hit the lottery with it. I'm immensely satisfied with the experience. I haven't felt that way in a long time.

I still have the night time gas station job. Its necessary for now. So my sleep is still kinda fucked. But at the night job, I do get some table time in to work on my pages and commissions. I got to watch an artist pal draw on his Cintiq the other night. It intrigued me. I've never seen one in action before. I'd love to try one out.

I guess I am just excited by all the cool things happening around me right now. New job, great new people, great customers to talk to, its very fertile and calming. As opposed to the last six months of screamers, couponers, complainers and corporate jerk offs. I'm greatly pleased.

I'm also pleased by the progress I've made in my work on Starslam 2 and Pleasant Life 2. Also that I've managed to put my comics at a higher priority in my life. I've got two live gigs coming up in Sept and October. I'm excited that my girl is supporting my efforts in change and cheers on every small victory I have with my work. Its just exciting, folks. I'm tired of the doom and gloom blog posts. This one is all about my inner smiles. Deal with me, okay? :)

BTW, I am on a thing called PERISCOPE via Social Media. Search for "Adamtalley655" to find me. Make with the add/follow and the hearts. I'll try to keep updating with videos for ya. Especially production videos of various things.

I've got some nice notes and messages regarding the Starslam 2 art I posted on my last blog. Thanks guys! You wait and see. This one is a doozy!! I actually took the time to revisit the first book this week and man am I proud of it. But the sequel, the SQUEAKWEL... holy cow and a half!! You'll see!

Anyway, just wanted to do a personal type of blog post to let you all know how I'm doing. Short answer: Goddamn Great!

Cheers, T

Big Changes - Big Opportunity

Hey friends! Thanks for checking back. Doing another blog via my phone so please forgive any mistakes I type.

I had a crazy week. 75 hours of work and two job interviews. The first was at a cinema. I was excited for it. The best job I ever had was working at the cinema. But right away in the interview I got bad vibes. It was little pay and I would need OPEN availability. Sure, I coulda started part time (again) and worked my way up the ladder. But im 37 years old with a degree and experience out the wazoo. Plus, IM AN ARTIST!!! Id just be settling in a safe zone. I wouldnt be expanding or taking what Risks I felt I could take on.

Anyway, second interview was for a print shop here in Lansing. Sounded very interesting and certainly in my field. I had the interview and instantly liked everything about it, the people and the opportunity it presented. Hours later, I was offered the job and I gladly took it. It gave me so much pride to turn in my notice at Meijer and know that I am moving on to greater things. Things related to my field, things I am good at and things that make me happy.

I feel like I was taught a lesson that day. I cannot shoot backwards. I cannot take safe and small routes  from my past. I need to be bolder and branch out and actually take what I know I am worth. We often settle for the safe comfy places. It serves us better to be bold and soar higher.

This new job will have its challenges. It will be a juggle of a different type. But its one I am 1,000% ready for. I have ideas and dreams on how to make this place everything it can be. And what it can do for me, is equally exciting. In many ways, it is everything I have been looking for all my life. I cannot wait to start on Monday.

Of course, for a while, I will continue to work two jobs to make ends meet and save money for my future. But the plan is at some point in the future I will just have the one job. My real career. Centered around art, my first love. Im extremely grateful for the opportunity to prove myself at this place.

I thank everyone for thier thoughts, likes and well wishes over this. This whole year has been a transition period for me. I feel like the last six months at Meijer were some of the most difficult Ive ever faced. I worked two jobs while trying to deal with everything I had on my plate. It kept me paid and sane. But I soon woke up and realized that I am worth more and I should strive for it. I wanted to branch beyond a simple cashier and find my true calling. I knew what it was and I searched for it. It found me. the last six months Ive been in the crystlis taking care of my little baby soul. And now im emerging and getting ready to soar!! (And in more ways than one!)

Life hands you a lot of things. But if you know what you are worth, go out there and get it! Cause its out there. Do it.

Onward and upward! Soar!!

T

RIP Art Desk, RUSH and Job Woes

Hey friends. Welcome back. First up, some pics of my old friend who is now gone to that great dumpster in the sky. From around 2004-2015, I had an L shaped desk that I used as my primary art and computer table. It went through lots of hell and several moves across the state to the various places I've lived in the last 11 years. At one point a year ago, I broke it down to just one part and threw the rest away to make room for a new stand up and slanted art table... which later broke cause it was a cheap piece of shit! So I kept the last bit as my art table/computer table. It was loud and squeeky. Those who follow my MORNING SHOW PODCAST will recognize its squeek in the background. But no more. I tossed it in the trash because my GF and I are sharing her desk. Its brand new and will serve me well. But I had to document my final moments with my old faithful. Here's some pics.

Here she is. Last time together.

Among the scratches is some scratched in graffiti! Twisted Sister represent!

A close up of the damage done over the years.

So in the trash it went. Out with the old. Ready for the new. But I will miss her.

This week I had a job interview for a place I REALLY wanted to work. It woulda fit in well with my lifestyle needs and woulda paid me great. I didn't get called back for the second interview. I was very bummed to say the least. I've been running myself ragged working 70 hour weeks at two jobs and I woulda very much enjoyed some stability, along with nice pay and benefits. I got very angry and hurt and I feel trapped by time and my circumstances. But an old friend reached out to me and gave me some much needed words of encouragement. He said that I should use this as more "FUCK YOU FUEL" to fuel my drive to do art and make that my life. He's right. I often lose sight of those things I am truly meant to do. The temptation of wanting a big nice house with big nice things to collect dust just sometimes gets the better of me and I don't realize how great I've got it. I've hit a nice stride in my productivity and my new art and projects are even better than what I've done before. I'm reaching out and hitting the road more, with plans to go even bigger into it with 2016 coming around. I'm finally loose to go get what I've earned. I can't let things like what others THINK I should be doing or earning at my age sway me. I gotta take a shot. Now or never. I'm sorry I lost sight of that. So I shall work my jobs, work my books and be patient. Cause the shot is coming. And I'm going to take it.

Anyway, on to some funner things! I saw RUSH this week for possibly the last time. It was a great show and I had a great time! Here are some pics:

Before the show. Our seats were high up, but in the Palace, any seat is good.

The three stooges are ready for some rock and/or roll!

My pics from our location suck balls. So here's the only thing I can share.

My pics sucked so here are some other pics of the show I got from online: 

The master!

I was excited to hear them do "Roll the Bones." A closet favorite tune of mine.

All in all, a great weekend. Some ups and downs, but we're headed upward. I got a 70 hour work week starting in an hour so I am gonna head out. And rest assured at the night job I'll be penciling away at my new shit. I'm making it happen. Just you watch me go.

Cheers, T

Beating yourself up

One of the things that people know about me is that I can be my own worst enemy. All my problems, I bring on myself. I'm overweight because I eat things that are bad for me. I'm not more successful in my art because I'm not putting it a priority to get out there and take it to the people like I should have. Etc. Etc. Its a realization that we all must come to at some point in our lives. We have to wake up and realize the damage we do to ourselves. And I am big time guilty of the biggest crime I do to myself: BEATING MYSELF UP.

I'm always discounting where I am in life. What I've done. Where I SHOULD be, on and on. When a praise is heaped upon me, I immediately counteract it with a knock down about myself. For example, someone might say, "Hey! The art and story in this comic you made is really good!" Then I'll immediately say something like, "Yeah, too bad I only sold 150 copies of it. No one really read it." I can't just say, Thanks. Ever. I am not sure why. Maybe its lack of confidence. Maybe I've taken on too much that life has thrown at me and I've let myself get beat up and put in the corner of the ring. I take a lot of punches. Mostly because I know I can take it. But sometimes... I feel like I just need to take a dive and relax for an 8 count, and then get back up for some more. Clubber Lang is always there taunting me, warning me not to get back up cause PAIN is coming! But I still keep getting back up.

Take for example my current situation. I feel very low and stuck. I'm 37 years old, my financial status looks like an atomic bomb went off. My body is slowly breaking. I have constant foot and knee pain now due to the long hours of working. I have to work two jobs to barely support paying to provide for my kids and my bills. I never have a night or day off. I don't get to go out and enjoy a movie in the theater. I cannot take my girl out to dinner. When I am with my kids, I cannot afford to do anything fun with them. Because of this hectic schedule I never get a full night's sleep. And I get paid minimum wage at each job. At 37, with 12 years management experience and a degree. Tell me how that is fair.

And my jobs... one is a night job cashier at a gas station. Simple enough and I enjoy the quiet. After I get my work done, I can sit and draw, which has been a MAJOR help for me keeping up with my art stuff. But I deal with a lot of scary situations. Drunk college students, scary situations and sometimes potentially hostile situations. People puke and pass out in my store. It just gets nutty. Then take my day job, cashier at a major grocery store. I've done rants about the things that piss me off about it on my MORNING SHOW PODCAST - But I get these 4.5-6 hour shifts. Its back breaking work. Not allowed a drink. Some of the people talk to you like dog shit. I see older folks I work with and they look really beaten down. I'm almost to their level. I'm 37. I should be further along than this! There, ya see? I started it again.

I cannot shake the feeling like things should have panned out differently for me. I do feel very "Stuck" sometimes. I've applied all over to places that are more related to my field or offer full time and I never hear any calls back. I'm waiting, trying, patiently keep applying. Nothing. Damn. Oh well, back to Grand Ledge, the 25 minute drive to work a 5 hour shift and then come home for my 2 hours of sleep before I have to work my night job. Half my check goes to the state. Yay.

So yeah, you let all of this beat you down. Things suck. But you look at the positives.

-I got a job. Two of them. People like me at them. Thats good.
-I'm providing for my kids. There's a lot of deadbeat parents out there that wouldn't do that.
-I'm doing what I can with what I got.
-I'm still taking on freelance artwork gigs and beating the deadlines to all of them.
-I tackled emotionally crippling things this last 6 months and have kept my train on the rails.
-I make my GF very happy and we're building a life together. I'm providing for her too.
-I continue to dream and make plans for my future in comics, jobs and life.
-I still haven't gained any of the weight I lost.
-A lot of friends and family have stepped up during this time of my need and supported me in many ways. I've found out through all of this who is in my corner.
-My kids are happier than ever and its a joy to see them, even when I am dog ass tired.
-At my jobs, I do good work. I am at 111% speed at the grocery store and I am a backbone at the gas station.
-My GF respects my hard work and does things to pamper me and show me how much she appreciates my struggle. Its a great thing to feel valued like that.
-The artwork I am producing is better than ever and is coming from a genuine place.
-I know in time my struggles during this period will fade, not get worse.
-All my bills are paid. Believe me, that's a BIG thing!
-Despite my lack of being able to hit more shows, I am gaining new fans and readers. Thats amazing!

SO: As much as I want to punish myself and make myself feel like less of a person because I'm a cashier at a grocery store/gas station clerk at 37, and not as far along in my art career as I want to be, I'm still standing. I'm still doing good work. I'm not down for the count. I'll come back swinging, count on it. I want to learn to not beat myself up. I'm tired of doing it. I need to focus on the positives of my life and work on it every day. I need to get my head right. Let go of a lot of my anger, fear and hurt. I need to continue to rise. And I will. That much I know. Just keep watching.

Anyway, GOALS FOR THE REST OF 2015:

1-Get Starslam 2 done and kickstarted.
2-Get Pleasant Life 2 3/4ths done and ready for an early 2016 launch.
3-Reprint all books.
4-Release all books as digital downloads.
5-Do three new prints and print them all for 2016 con season.
6-Pay for tables at THREE big shows for 2016.
7-Continue freelance art gigs, especially the STAR WARS work. Not just with Topps, but other places.
8-Find a full time day job and get a normal schedule.
9-Save for my future.
10-Move into new apartment and build a life with my girl.

So there. No matter what life throws at you, never take your eyes off the prize. Execute your plans. And Don't beat yourself up for getting in the ring to fight the big fight. Don't do your opponent's job for them. Make them try to take you down. Then throw the big uppercut. Fuck em up. Then stand in the ring, arms raised in victory. Smells fucking sweet!

---T

The Passion of the Clerk

That is me lately. Slummin' it as a clerk at a gas station late nights. Its helping connect the dots a bit better though. But it certainly fucks with my schedule. I knew it would. But it is a necessary evil for the moment. But good news abounds lately in our home as the wife has some great things coming up for her, which sets in motion long dormant plans and dreams of ours. So I have the light at the end of the tunnel that if we both work hard now, we will emerge waaaaaaaaay better off when the time comes. So for now, I shall choke down the poo sammich I got on my plate.

Actually, its not all that bad. The job is easy enough. I get along with everyone I think. But juggling the sleep schedule and the kids can be a bit gruesome. But its all worth it in the end, I know. Just gotta keep my eyes on the prize.

Something special happened this week. My parents came up for a visit. Last January, my dad had a heart attack, stroke and was in the hospital in a coma. Although very scary and the familiar fears set in, I just knew that he would be okay. That his time just isn't up. Also, my step-mom is battling cancer, but she certainly doesn't show it. The cancer is shrinking and she's remaining extremely positive. But its hard to make an 8 hour drive to visit all of us kids with juggling tons of doctor's visits and other things they got going on, plus our hectic schedules. But this week the planets aligned and they arrived. They showered our home with gifts for the kids' upcoming birthdays and our wedding anniversary. They even watched the house for a night so the wife and I could get out alone... a rarity in our lives! We just window shopped at a couple grocery stores and then had late night breakfast like we used to do back in college. It was nice to enjoy my wife's company, alone. Another tiny gift from my parents.

We'll see them again this next week. Right now they are up visiting my brothers an hour north of me. I am going to go up there on Thursday so we can all be together for a bit. Again, a rarity for all of us to be in one place at the same time. But when my folks left here and headed up north, Gloria sent me this pic of dad:

He's smiling while talking about the visit they just had at our place. While I know the kids can be loud and money is tight here so we can't take THEM out to show them a good time, he still had great fun and was happy to have came to visit. Its indescribable what this picture means to me. It hasn't been easy for my dad this year. He's been through some hell with his own health, but now down 85 pounds. His wife is fighting cancer. And there has been some major major major drama in the family I won't get into. But one that really has to cut him beyond deep, financially and personally. I couldn't imagine dealing with it all like he is. But here he is, smiling.... just after seeing us here, and heading up to see his other kids, enjoying every second of life he has before him. I wish I had this pic back in January when he was in the hospital. To know that very soon, I'd see my dad upright and feeling good and he'd be smiling again. The back pain is not there and his worries are melting away with his joy over his family. I'm going to get this one blown up and keep it in a great place.  Its a candid photo she snapped and he didn't know it was happening. Its as genuine a shot as you can get and I won't forget it.

Meanwhile, here's some newer pics of James and Scotty:

Scott-bot starts kindergarten this year. He's making excellent progress. James is talking non-stop and we're excited about his progress as well. Its most certainly likely that he does not have autism like his brother and we get the joy of two unique journeys of life with them. Its so early in the game and I am going to enjoy the ride. I hope one day I'll have a pic of me smiling like that at almost 70 years old, reflecting on my visit with my kids like the one I got above.

But for now, I am focusing on whats before me. Getting the medical debt gone. Saving for the dream house. Finishing all my projects. Losing weight and getting mentally healthy. Its going to take a while, I know. But I am way better today than I was a month ago. I'm enjoying life and learning to smile again. The things that should anger me, simply don't anymore. I just don't care. Reconnecting with my old self... its a great thing. Hello old friend. I'm glad to see you never left. :)

This year is starting to turn itself around, thank creation. Just wait til you see whats coming from the seeds I'm planting today.....

Cheers, T

Busy First Dayjob Week

Hey all. I started the new dayjob (well, NIGHT job... cause its overnight at a gas station). Its very very easy and laid back. Non-stressful and very quiet. There are aspects I don't like about the gig but nothing I cannot catagorize and deal with on my own. Its a welcome change, in fact. While it does torture me a bit as far as daily lack of sleep and juggling schedules, it does have its own benefits. Last night I was off and I decided to stay up a bit and use what would have been a work shift and work late into the night on a new card set I am on. It feels kind of good to be awake enough to work late into the night like I used to. I value my quiet time in order to accomplish work.

And the last couple weeks, accomplish work I have! I finished the art on STARSLAM, and I just have to color it. Today I gotta shrink and scan the art. But first I gotta push this new card set out the door. Then I will finish the porn store book and the other short stories book. Finding a publisher should be somewhere in the mix, but I am not concerning myself with anything that isn't immediate. Instead, still focusing on keeping myself right. Creatively, mentally and physically. I have good and bad days, but it seems to be on the upward drift.

Today a client I did a bunch of sketch covers for got them back from the CGC. Here's a look at one of the final products:

Meanwhile, the wife has got some EXCELLENT news. I cannot share it too much yet, but rest assured it is a welcome change and we are excited about the potential. If it works out the way it likely should, all our problems and future issues will all fall in line perfectly. Sorry to be cryptic, but its just too early right now to drop trow and reveal all. Soon... soon. Still, hard to contain our excitement! Just feels good to have some positive stuff happen now after 7 months of bad luck.

I guess thats it for now. I'm keeping shit together and I'm still breathing. Thats the important thing, isn't it?

Cheers, T

Addendum to previous post....

Well, didn't get the job. My availability around my wife is no good for their needs. Well, even ANY jobs needs it would seem. Oh well. It is defintely a bummer. I shouldn't have built it up in my head so big. But instead of wallowing in pity, I sunk into getting some work done. I finished coloring these new prints:

The Rocky Horror one will be in an upcoming comics compilation book through a great publisher! I'll share when I am allowed to. Not sure when and if I can. Still, AWESOME!

I had another cool thing happen this week. I am on another card set. Its a secret for now, but its fucking awesome. Believe me, I'll share when I can.

So yeah... strikes and gutter balls. Tis life. Onward and upward!

T

Edit: Here's another one! A redo of an old print of mine:

Various Goingz On

Hey folks. No business this time, just a random update. How are you all doing? I'm doing okay. Drifting through days, trying to recooperate from everything going on.

The wife spent some time in the hospital this last week. Her issues with anxiety have now sort of developed into her falling into severe and body distrupting migranes. We're learning a lot about brain chemestry that I never knew occurred. When I have stress, anger or depression, I have my outlets. Like podcasting or writing something in my sketchbook. (believe me, there's some dark shit in there!) I always felt like I could control it and let it out before the beast comes out. We all carry one. Lately mine has been emerging more and more. Mostly due to kid stress, things being tight financially and other things. Lately I've realized how shut in I feel, and how boxed in I am in my home somtimes. I taught my son how to use the computer. Which is great for him, but very bad for me. The time during the day where I could be on my computer getting things done is now gone. He monopolizes my office from 6am-9pm. I am just stuck on the couch on my phone. Drawing out there is impossible because little James takes my pens, gets into things, etc. I can't get a rhythm. I can't get a routine going.

I find that I miss talking to other people too. The wife works and then comes home exhausted. She's answering texts from her co-workers all day. We don't get to get out together due to money being tight. Our dreams of owning a house, set up the way we want, seems further and further away.

Thats why I have a job interview today. I have had it scheduled for a while now. Its been dancing in my head. This is a DREAM JOB for me. A DREAM opportunity. Its also a return to a very happy time in my life. Sure, its not the same place, or the same people. But the job itself is the same. I'm totally scared about it. I am afraid of appearing too old or out of shape to do the job. Like the world just won't let me in, no matter how much I am dedicated to wanting it. I NEED this job. For health. For money. For memories. For sanity. If I don't get it, I am probably stuck finding something working 7pm-3am for peanuts. I could do it, sure. But the feeling of uselessness will set in. At this job, I would feel something that I used to feel in the old days: That I made a difference. That means a lot to me when I go to bed at night. Did I do a good job? Did I use my day good enough? Did I impact someone's life in a positive way?

Come what may, I will deal with it. But I am nervous. I have asked the universe for a favor and I am hoping it says "yes." A Yes is rare in my life lately. I am just always waiting. Waiting for a surprise art gig to come in. Waiting for the checks to arrive. Waiting for the client to pay. Waiting for the kids to go to bed so I can get to work.

Although, on the art front, I got a major yes this week. I got invited on a major card set. Big stuff. I can't say what it is but I am working on them now. I'm blown away by it. You'll be blown away by it, trust me. I'm taking pictures of the cards cause when its revealed, you'll wanna see em. Its an honor to be trusted with these type of cards. Here, I thought I was out of the gig and they didn't want me anymore. But apparently not! I'm grateful for that. I get to play in the sandbox of a universe of characters I love once again. (thats all I'll say)

I am doing a few small commissions for friends and I appreciate the scratch. I'm paying the bills that I can pay. I am doing a pinup or two for a couple books that are not my own. It keeps me going. Because I haven't got too far in working on my own stuff yet. No rhythm. No time. No routine. I'm just on autopilot. But head still above water. Excited for when these things will be done. This year has really come out swinging at me to knock me down. I feel like a weeble wobble, trying like hell to stand up against its blows. But I'm still here. I'm still standing. Now I just gotta get the green light to take off and soar.

Here's to hoping!

T

Trying to find a new Routine...

The days drift on, I do what I can with what I got. Living check to check, freelance gig to freelance gig... hoping the pay comes in, and it doesn't. Hoping I can push this and that bill off for another week. Tis the world of the freelance artist.

But all is not lost! I am in the process of still looking for employment help. I scored a DREAM interview at a DREAM job this week. As I applied, I didn't think I had a snowballs chance. Its too perfect. Too good to be true. I don't deserve it. But sure enough, I got an offer for an interview. Sure its just an interview, but after months of "NOs" and let downs every day about no money rolling in, the potential of a dream come true opportunity is quite refreshing. So I will go to the interview hoping for the best. I shall present my best. Maybe I'll score the gig, maybe I won't. Come what may, and I shall adjust, like always. But I am excited for the potential future.

I am always adjusting in life. But lately, there's been some things come along that I just cannot quite work around. My duties as a dad are #1 in my life. But in doing so, the idea of having a consistant creative schedule is increasingly difficult. To set aside time to draw or dream up a page of words is fewer and fewer. Right now, I have a stove full of projects cooking and no time to get to any of them. I do little commissions here and there and they are fine. But no forward progress is made at all to help clear the stove and serve the meal. I had a nice run early this year by publishing four books and that felt damn good. But I haven't been able to hit the road much to promote them. And now I am back in the studio wanting to get the next stuff done and I cannot.

Its mainly because I only have a 3 hour window during the day to get things done. It can be frustrating but it is necessary. I suppose I sometimes miss the days where I could take a nap then hit the cafe and light pencil 5 pages and write in my sketchbook, do a poem or two. But I cannot anymore. So I am struggling to find a routine. I have to, because the kids crave routine. I guess I do too. I just feel odd not being as productive as I used to be. I feel weird not putting the finishing touches on a thing, wheras the 20 pages I have ahead of me feels like a mountain in my way. I'm trying to push myself through the slush and get things rolling. I think my mind would be clearer if bills were not a factor. We were fine before James' surprise surgery sort of derailed us badly.

Thats why I am hoping big for this job to connect. I need this. I need to get out and talk to other people. I need it so bad. I need to be on my feet and kicking butt again. I need to do things to improve people's day and feel like I did a good job. I didn't realize how much I missed that, and I need that in my life.

Come what may, I shall adjust. I shall find a new routine and I will stand next to the mountain, chop it down with the edge of my hand. Cause I'm a Voodoo Child!

Get it?

Anyway, things in general are well. Don't worry about me. I'm just checking in and letting you all know I am alive and well. I'm doing great and I got hope riding in my saddle with me. Lets do this thing and kick some arse!

T

Why did I choose this Life?

I had to share THIS today. I read this and I swear to God I had to bite my lip hard to not cry. Cause Bill Waterson said exactly what was in my heart for a long time. In a clear, sharp way. And this cartoonist took his words and made visuals to them, inspired by Waterson. I have to share it. This is my life exactly.

Too many times I am made to feel ashamed that I didn't chose a "real" job or to climb some ladder for another company that time and time again, always let me down. I've discussed the stories of how that happened on the Idiothead Morning Show podcasts before. How I tried to put my faith in a job, only to be declined for my efforts. Same with my wife. Same with my dad, who put in a lifetime of hard work and service to a place, only to be left out to dry and retired in semi-disgrace.

I always knew I didn't fit in with that. I didn't want to live my limited time in this existance like that. I wanted to pursue a life of friendship, love, being a parent, being a writer, an artist... giving back to this world what it gave to me. Sure I was worried about money at times. It is natural you want to feed your family! But it seems I'm always taken care of. I'm always supported. And I thank you for that. Believe me, its not easy. There's worries. Sometime the check takes its sweet time getting here. Sometimes there's no paid work to be had. There's people who look down on me or try to shame me. Make me feel like less of a person because of my choices.

But fuck you. I'm still standing here. I'm still Adam Talley. And you can't take away the things I've done. You can't take away the people whose lives I've impacted. Family, Friends, Fans... you can't stop em. You cannot take away what I've learned, the visions in my head and the things I will do with them. You can't stop me.

But please read THIS COMIC, because I think it hit the nail on the head about me. I really connected with it. You wanna know why I choose this hard life, here's why.

T