Hey folks. No business this time, just a random update. How are you all doing? I'm doing okay. Drifting through days, trying to recooperate from everything going on.
The wife spent some time in the hospital this last week. Her issues with anxiety have now sort of developed into her falling into severe and body distrupting migranes. We're learning a lot about brain chemestry that I never knew occurred. When I have stress, anger or depression, I have my outlets. Like podcasting or writing something in my sketchbook. (believe me, there's some dark shit in there!) I always felt like I could control it and let it out before the beast comes out. We all carry one. Lately mine has been emerging more and more. Mostly due to kid stress, things being tight financially and other things. Lately I've realized how shut in I feel, and how boxed in I am in my home somtimes. I taught my son how to use the computer. Which is great for him, but very bad for me. The time during the day where I could be on my computer getting things done is now gone. He monopolizes my office from 6am-9pm. I am just stuck on the couch on my phone. Drawing out there is impossible because little James takes my pens, gets into things, etc. I can't get a rhythm. I can't get a routine going.
I find that I miss talking to other people too. The wife works and then comes home exhausted. She's answering texts from her co-workers all day. We don't get to get out together due to money being tight. Our dreams of owning a house, set up the way we want, seems further and further away.
Thats why I have a job interview today. I have had it scheduled for a while now. Its been dancing in my head. This is a DREAM JOB for me. A DREAM opportunity. Its also a return to a very happy time in my life. Sure, its not the same place, or the same people. But the job itself is the same. I'm totally scared about it. I am afraid of appearing too old or out of shape to do the job. Like the world just won't let me in, no matter how much I am dedicated to wanting it. I NEED this job. For health. For money. For memories. For sanity. If I don't get it, I am probably stuck finding something working 7pm-3am for peanuts. I could do it, sure. But the feeling of uselessness will set in. At this job, I would feel something that I used to feel in the old days: That I made a difference. That means a lot to me when I go to bed at night. Did I do a good job? Did I use my day good enough? Did I impact someone's life in a positive way?
Come what may, I will deal with it. But I am nervous. I have asked the universe for a favor and I am hoping it says "yes." A Yes is rare in my life lately. I am just always waiting. Waiting for a surprise art gig to come in. Waiting for the checks to arrive. Waiting for the client to pay. Waiting for the kids to go to bed so I can get to work.
Although, on the art front, I got a major yes this week. I got invited on a major card set. Big stuff. I can't say what it is but I am working on them now. I'm blown away by it. You'll be blown away by it, trust me. I'm taking pictures of the cards cause when its revealed, you'll wanna see em. Its an honor to be trusted with these type of cards. Here, I thought I was out of the gig and they didn't want me anymore. But apparently not! I'm grateful for that. I get to play in the sandbox of a universe of characters I love once again. (thats all I'll say)
I am doing a few small commissions for friends and I appreciate the scratch. I'm paying the bills that I can pay. I am doing a pinup or two for a couple books that are not my own. It keeps me going. Because I haven't got too far in working on my own stuff yet. No rhythm. No time. No routine. I'm just on autopilot. But head still above water. Excited for when these things will be done. This year has really come out swinging at me to knock me down. I feel like a weeble wobble, trying like hell to stand up against its blows. But I'm still here. I'm still standing. Now I just gotta get the green light to take off and soar.
Here's to hoping!
T
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Do it for YOU.
So yesterday, I saw the release of a movie trailer for Dumb and Dumber 2. I admit being a fan of the first flick. Of course, stacked up against some of my more favorite comedies of all time, it would take a back seat, but still it is in my top 20. I have affection for the movie and the experience I had watching it. Lately we've been getting a lot of old riders hopping back into their saddles for one last go around at it. People always seem to naysay it and then it comes and we enjoy it. Rocky Balboa (Rocky 6) was immensely enjoyable. As was Rambo 4. Sometimes we get an Indiana Jones 4, but I digress. Even though that movie is flawed, it still was nice to see Harrison back under the fedora again.
So I watch the trailer and it seems okay. I will likely see it and maybe enjoy myself for a bit. I checked in today and saw the loooooong line of people bashing the upcoming flick's existence and pouring buckets of searing hate on everyone involved with it, or who would potentially like it. This all comes from the internet.
My opinion: The world was better without the internet. For all the great things we can do now, it has brought an equal amount of bad. We are so angry and disconnected from each other that it scares me no end. Opinions stayed in your home and you didn't feel the hate of the world in your life everyday. Your problems and successes were your own and that was the end of it. It just seems that no one is stoked on anything anymore. Why does everyone NOT want you to enjoy the things you would enjoy? And why do people not want you do to what you want to do? Why is there so much hate? These are interesting questions to ponder. Did this come up recently because we're so disconnected and annonymous, or were we always like this?
Its no wonder that the future generations are starting to struggle with basic human skills, cyber bullying and they feel quite disconnected. Also I see a genuine lack of drive to be a good worker at a place of employment, and no drive to pursue a whimsy and a dream. Perhaps because the world and its hate has beaten them down so much that they are scared to be all they can be, like whatever they like and do what they want to do. You ever get the question of whats your "Guilty Pleasure?" Like your tastes should be hidden and you should feel guilty for liking it?
I say fuck that. Do what you like. Enjoy what you like. Pursue your dreams and do it for you.
This week I did an experiment. I just laid back a bit. I hit FB a little bit, but not as much as usual. I watched some Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes I kept putting off watching. I had never seen them before but never had time to do so. Well I made the time and I enjoyed them. You know what else? I read a book. I read "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" by Neil Gaiman, my favorite author. I bought the book last year and it sat here doing nothing. I spent $25 on it and it just sat on a shelf, unread. But I picked it up and read it and loved every page of it. It felt good to dive into something new and at the same time, old. That old feeling where the wicked world was decades away and its just you and your mind. I loved that feeling. I want more. I am going to read other books I have sitting here.
I drank some booze with the wife last night. We talked deep about some things and we watched some music DVDs I have. They have sat in my closet collecting dust. I brushed them off and put them in the player and shared with her a bit of my world. It was delightful. She didn't judge me. She was stoked on the experience.
I chased a few whimsies this week. I applied for a job I never thought I had a chance to get and I got an email from them with an offer for an interview. It has me very excited. I saw a publisher is doing a collection of comics from a well known pop culture property that I happen to like and I tossed them a message offering a pinup. They liked the suggestion and said I should send them something. Both of these things might not happen. I might not get the job, I might not get in the book. But I bothered to ask. Sometimes you gotta just ask the universe for something and you might be surprised what you get back. It NEVER hurts to ask.
The great AMANDA FUCKING PALMER is coming out with a book in November about these things. And she printed out a manifesto statement about the book. I think it is fitting here:
"Asking is, at its core, a collaboration. Those who can ask without shame are viewing themselves in collaboration with - rather than in competition with - the world."
People who make art (in whatever form) mostly aren't asking to compete. They are asking to be a part of the big picture. They want to give back. And NO ONE should ever tell them no. Or make the snarky remarks. Just let the art come and if you like it, great. If its not for you, thats fine too. But let it come. Because the folks who made it made it for them. Sometimes there's a monetary goal, sure. Ya gotta eat and have a roof (or 10). But someone in the mix always is in there chasing the whimsy. Someone in there just wanted to make art. For them. And fuck the world if they try to stop them.
So I say folks: Find your dream and pursue it. Don't give a fuck about what they say. they. Who are they? Fuck em. Do your shit. Do it because you want to. Do it cause you can. Cause life is short. Live YOUR life. Find YOUR happiness. And ignore the world. Forget the hate. Play in your mind. Enjoy that book or that DVD or that record. Cause its for you. No one else.
Do it all for you. And get offline every now and then. Its good for you.
(but please... come back here once in a while!) ;)
T
So I watch the trailer and it seems okay. I will likely see it and maybe enjoy myself for a bit. I checked in today and saw the loooooong line of people bashing the upcoming flick's existence and pouring buckets of searing hate on everyone involved with it, or who would potentially like it. This all comes from the internet.
My opinion: The world was better without the internet. For all the great things we can do now, it has brought an equal amount of bad. We are so angry and disconnected from each other that it scares me no end. Opinions stayed in your home and you didn't feel the hate of the world in your life everyday. Your problems and successes were your own and that was the end of it. It just seems that no one is stoked on anything anymore. Why does everyone NOT want you to enjoy the things you would enjoy? And why do people not want you do to what you want to do? Why is there so much hate? These are interesting questions to ponder. Did this come up recently because we're so disconnected and annonymous, or were we always like this?
Its no wonder that the future generations are starting to struggle with basic human skills, cyber bullying and they feel quite disconnected. Also I see a genuine lack of drive to be a good worker at a place of employment, and no drive to pursue a whimsy and a dream. Perhaps because the world and its hate has beaten them down so much that they are scared to be all they can be, like whatever they like and do what they want to do. You ever get the question of whats your "Guilty Pleasure?" Like your tastes should be hidden and you should feel guilty for liking it?
I say fuck that. Do what you like. Enjoy what you like. Pursue your dreams and do it for you.
This week I did an experiment. I just laid back a bit. I hit FB a little bit, but not as much as usual. I watched some Tom Baker Doctor Who episodes I kept putting off watching. I had never seen them before but never had time to do so. Well I made the time and I enjoyed them. You know what else? I read a book. I read "The Ocean at the End of the Lane" by Neil Gaiman, my favorite author. I bought the book last year and it sat here doing nothing. I spent $25 on it and it just sat on a shelf, unread. But I picked it up and read it and loved every page of it. It felt good to dive into something new and at the same time, old. That old feeling where the wicked world was decades away and its just you and your mind. I loved that feeling. I want more. I am going to read other books I have sitting here.
I drank some booze with the wife last night. We talked deep about some things and we watched some music DVDs I have. They have sat in my closet collecting dust. I brushed them off and put them in the player and shared with her a bit of my world. It was delightful. She didn't judge me. She was stoked on the experience.
I chased a few whimsies this week. I applied for a job I never thought I had a chance to get and I got an email from them with an offer for an interview. It has me very excited. I saw a publisher is doing a collection of comics from a well known pop culture property that I happen to like and I tossed them a message offering a pinup. They liked the suggestion and said I should send them something. Both of these things might not happen. I might not get the job, I might not get in the book. But I bothered to ask. Sometimes you gotta just ask the universe for something and you might be surprised what you get back. It NEVER hurts to ask.
The great AMANDA FUCKING PALMER is coming out with a book in November about these things. And she printed out a manifesto statement about the book. I think it is fitting here:
"Asking is, at its core, a collaboration. Those who can ask without shame are viewing themselves in collaboration with - rather than in competition with - the world."
People who make art (in whatever form) mostly aren't asking to compete. They are asking to be a part of the big picture. They want to give back. And NO ONE should ever tell them no. Or make the snarky remarks. Just let the art come and if you like it, great. If its not for you, thats fine too. But let it come. Because the folks who made it made it for them. Sometimes there's a monetary goal, sure. Ya gotta eat and have a roof (or 10). But someone in the mix always is in there chasing the whimsy. Someone in there just wanted to make art. For them. And fuck the world if they try to stop them.
So I say folks: Find your dream and pursue it. Don't give a fuck about what they say. they. Who are they? Fuck em. Do your shit. Do it because you want to. Do it cause you can. Cause life is short. Live YOUR life. Find YOUR happiness. And ignore the world. Forget the hate. Play in your mind. Enjoy that book or that DVD or that record. Cause its for you. No one else.
Do it all for you. And get offline every now and then. Its good for you.
(but please... come back here once in a while!) ;)
T
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