No Rest for the Insanity

Welcome back my friends.

I hope the talking heads in politics are keeping you angry and distracted from the absolute corrupt bullshit that is going on behind the scenes. Pay no attention to the white rich men behind the curtain and nevermind that they are not using lube while they fuck you. But when the smoke clears, they will take what they will have wanted and leave you pissed and blaming the next guy... or better yet, each other!

Oh well, let's leave the madness behind as it recommended and almost mandatory to do so. Let's focus on what we're doing here. We're distracting ourselves making art. It's a worthy cause.

This week, I finally, finally, finally, finally, fina-fucking-ly finished a new book. Its a 24 page book called "TALES FROM THE GORE," whose Kickstarter is close to double what we wanted to raise for it. So far, its holding the line just above $900, which isn't bad. But I'd love to see it keep climbing. We've got about a week left on it and I want to sell as many books for it as we can. So here I am offering you an exclusive look at the first page. It features our buddy Caleb as our horror host, introducing the stories inside. Check it:

I gotta say, I'm damn proud of this book. It really was like pulling teeth for me to get it done (in more ways than one). But I kept my promise and here it is. You can pre-order it by going to our Kickstarter right HERE - To draw my friend in these pages and give him dialog was a weird experience. To me, there was a lot riding on it. You want to do a good job on something like this. I hope I did alright by you guys and by him.

I miss him everyday.

Speaking of comics: This coming month is the 10th Annual MSU COMICS FORUM. I was offered a table at the show but I declined. So please note I will not be there this year. I wish them all the best and you all should still try to make it out to the show.

I really haven't had much time to myself to get anything done, nor even attempt a relaxing day. I took this past Monday off in the hopes that I could spend time with my girl, Kitty D. We NEVER have a day off together. And with having the boys two weekends in a row, a pile on my TO DO list, I knew we needed just one day together. So we both had the day off. It all lined up. One rare calm in the storm of our lives.

And what happens? We both get the flu.

It started with some stomach issues. Then repeated trips to the sink and toilet, unable to keep food down. Then it developed into full on aches and chills. I spent all day in bed and her on the couch. As we passed each other in our weakened state, we'd help the other one out with what they were too sick to get on their own. We cared for each other. I guess that is the best we can muster on our only day off. So close, yet so far apart. Angry and tired, sick and in love. We tried to keep our sanity as well as some sort of nourishment in our corrupt virus infected bellies.

We attempt sanity weekly. We're both fighting battles. Everyday, outside people, places and things come and try to take us down. But we keep fighting, together. We got each others backs. We have 100% trust and loyalty to each other. We text constantly. I hate texting. But I do it for her.

We get as close as we can to each other.
We give each other space.
We get together everyday for talking and cuddling.
We dream about the future and enjoy as much of our present together as we can.

In short. We're happy. Very happy. And we've been fighting alongside each other and happy while doing it since the day we met, one year ago this coming late March. So Happy Valentines Day/Early Anniversary day to my love. I am finally completed in knowing you and how you treat me, and let me be me. Here's to many more happy years together.

Mushy stuff aside now---

So now that Tales from the Gore is in the can, I'm thinking about what is next. Novel? or Starslam 3? Probably both. On days where I feel like drawing (rare anymore), I will work on Starslam. On days where I am writing, I will work on one of the two main books I have almost finished. I hope to have some major progress on one or both of these projects by the summer. I also have work to do for the upcoming Exxxotica Expo in June. Perhaps some pinup prints or a special erotica comic collection. I also have the Vlog channel and Podcast to attend to. New episodes will be up very soon. The work continues.

 There are so many tiny things on my TO DO list of life. I gotta keep plugging away, checking them off one by one. Painfully slow. Excruciatingly dull and tasteless as it can be sometimes. But I'm getting through it. If anything the progress on "Tales" has brought me this week, is that I still can make it happen when I absolutely have to...

...and want to.

--T


One note on the blog here: I had to alter the blog comments posting rules. I think you have to be a registered user, not anonymous and I think I have to approve it before it posts. I didn't want to have to do that but it keeps undesirables and spammers away. Apologies to anyone this effects. I know I have many regular readers and posters that love to come here and comment to me. If you wish to contact me, the best way is via email at: phymns@yahoo.com - Thanks.

Baking Bread

(Note: I am still on some self-imposed Internet break so I can get shit done. But I will post a blog now and then. So here's one. Enjoy.)

Today I baked bread. It was a big moment. I moved into this apartment on January 16^th. I haven’t done any cooking in the last couple months. I just haven’t felt like it. I haven’t felt like myself really at all. I cranked out the Avengers 2 cards barely. I haven’t even touched the next set I am on. And I got another card set coming this week I think. I’ve ceased all production on Starslam and Anna 2, and I am just stalling. I don’t even know where all my pencils are. I just haven’t felt the drive to draw anything at all. While I got a TO DO list a mile long, I just sit and stall. I don’t know why.

Lately I am on autopilot. I get about 3-5 hours of sleep a night. I work one job. Come home and attempt a nap but end up just tossing and turning. Apply for higher paying jobs that don’t call back. Then I get up and head to the other job. Since its overnights also, that fucks with my patterns. I have no TV so I can’t keep up with any of my shows. Better Call Saul and Walking Dead are on and I can’t watch them except for illegal streaming sites. There’s not much NEW that I’ve dissected. However I did get the newest Marilyn Manson album, which is surprisingly good.

The death of my second mother is like a gaping wound right now. I have plenty of other wounds around it too. Some are healing. But this one is fresh. It cuts deep. It taps into things I wasn’t ready to think about again. I work alone at the gas station and late at night when I am done listening to Cds, I sit and think. Or talk aloud to myself. Maybe its me going crazy. Quite possibly. I can do crazy. I’m good at it! I think about all that I use to distract myself from actually getting down to business. Like the internet. I surf Facebook and I just sit and waste time. Precious time I could be using to get my shit done. But the drive just simply hasn’t been there. I feel tired all the time. I feel weak.

This week is Valentine’s Day. Everyone is coming into my store buying cards, presents, balloons, etc. I smile back most of the time. Wow, look at them being happy in love. I am happy for them. That’s genuine. But then a goddamn song comes on the speakers and it makes me sad. Stephen Bishop’s “It Might Be You.” The song from TOOTSIE. It only took one line. One simple fucking line. “Wishing there would be someone waiting home for me…” UGH. But I’m not even going to get into that. But then the questions come. “You got big plans for Valentine’s Day?” It’s meaningless chatter to make with your friendly neighborhood cashier. But they don’t know they just helped twist the knife just a bit more as it hangs there. Deflect it with a joke. That’s easier. Hide it. Hide myself. Don’t let them see you bite your lip again. I bite this part of my lip when I start to feel the sudden sting of possible tears. It’s sore as hell.

I put forth Internet silence as a punishment for myself to tell me to get the fuck back in the game and get back to work. I got artwork that needs to be done. Artwork has always been there for me. As a kid, I dealt with bullies by drawing. When my mom died, I put her story in my comics. The list of examples goes on and on. It’s just how I deal with things. I’ve wrote a new book. A mini-book that I want to do on the side.

I’m still raw. I’ve been beat to death the last year. How I am still in one piece, I have no idea. I don’t know what’s keeping me standing here. But I am. And as I have recently told myself in a dark time not long ago: “I’m not done yet.”

So today, I dusted off the stove and used it for the first time. I made banana bread. I don’t even have all the proper utensils or a mixing bowl. I had to use what little I have to mix it all together. But I baked it. Later after cooling I tasted it. Delicious! Still tastes the same as if I cooked it six months ago. It tastes like I made it. I’m still me. I’m going out and meeting new people and having new experiences. I’ve had some deep, deep talks recently with friends. Its helped me reconnect and make me realize that no matter what, I’m still me. And I still can draw. And I still bake bread. And nothing has changed me. The core me. The bread tastes the same. The artwork will still come. I just need to get going.

I’ve got many adventures left to go on. Time for me to get back in the saddle and get to work.