Toxicity

Hey friends!

I'd like to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who messaged me over last week's blog. There are a lot of worried folks out there. And you can count me as one of them. When you get a particularly scary diagnosis, especially one where you cannot even trust your own mind, its a tough thing to chew and swallow down. But rest assured I'm fine.

Truth is, EVERYONE has something they are working through. Some choose to sit and live in their suffering, others choose to do something about it. Me going to a therapist to talk about my problems is me being fully awake, aware and doing something about it. Its a good thing. I'm not about to sit myself in the cuckoo's nest quite yet.

I think everyone in today's age has a bit of craziness in their lives because of how toxic everything is. Places, things, people, etc. Everyone deals with someone or someplace that just seems to not bring out the best in them. I know several people that are in horrible relationships and just cannot get out. I know people that are stuck in situations and feel like they just can't escape. All of this is toxic to you and we all know it. So we're struggling to get out.

You can't win against these places or people. You just have to deal with it and keep what you can at arm's length.  But as you roll through life, the situations become easier to spot. Toxic people have a way of sending out the vibe that you owe them something. They also have a way of taking from you or doing something that hurts you, then maintaining they were doing it all for you. Rather than owning their own feelings, they’ll act as though the feelings are yours. That is simple projection, as in projecting their feelings and thoughts onto you. Someone who is angry but won’t take responsibility for it might accuse you of being angry with them. It might be as subtle as, ‘Are you okay with me?’ or a bit more focused, like ‘Why are you angry at me?' You're always dodging the bullets these people throw, but in the end it’s not about you. You must be clear on what’s yours and what’s theirs. You don’t have to explain, justify or defend yourself from anything in life.

Never argue with such a person, because they would rather lie and project it back upon you. They’ll twist the story, change the way it happened and rework it so convincingly that they’ll believe their own bullshit. People don’t have to apologize to be wrong. And you don’t need an apology to move forward, because trust me... you won't get one that will ever satisfy you. Just move forward and do it without them. You can't surrender your truth and don’t keep the argument going. There’s just no point. Some people want to be right more than they want to be happy and you have better things to do than to provide fodder for their internal fights. You got your own shit to scramble. Quit hitting your head on the wall.

Toxic folks also say things like: ‘You always …’ ‘You never …’ It’s hard to defend yourself against this form of manipulation. Toxic people have a way of drawing on the one time you didn’t or the one time you did as evidence of your shortcomings. Don’t buy into the argument. You won’t win and most importantly, you don’t need to win. Because who cares when it comes to fighting these people?

That's the thing about it: you don't need anyone else for approval or comfort.  Sure its great to have a shoulder to cry on once in a while, but then it becomes a crutch. You become dependent, when you should be independent. You should be soaring in the skies, instead of over explaining your way out of things, places and people who ultimately do not serve your greater good.

Much of this is perceived from the past and the future. Simple saying: "When the past calls you, don't pick up the phone. It has nothing new to say anyway." And the future, it can change in an instant. Its always evolving. You never know how its going to end up. Some you feel stuck with now, like a boss or someone in your friend circle, or a place you have to go to work and hate working there, they won't be there forever. You can kick them out of your life. Because YOU are in control. And if you continue my new BE HERE NOW philosophy, you can continue to stay on the path you alone are carving. One step at a time. Climb the stairs.

People, places and even things can be toxic to you. Old habits. Chemical reactions in food and drinks or things you breathe in. There are toxic things thrown your way everyday. They are like literal bombs tossed at you. And as you roll through, they become easier to spot. You must strengthen your outer armor and keep these bombers at bay. Don't feed them. Don't dwell in them. Just move forward to your prize. Your goal. One step at a time.

For me, I got some toxic things in my life. And you know what fuels me? The thought that one day, I'm going to bury them! That if I keep going like I'm going, doing the right things for myself, dwelling in the happiness that I earn and the peace of mind I wish to cultivate, I'm going to bury them. Bury the situation. Bury the feeling. Bury the anger that it brought to my life. Because the flame will burn out and be cold and it cannot hurt to touch it.

When bad things happen, we get hurt. But we can overcome it. We can bury it. And when the toxic things that come to try to hurt us again, don't answer the door. Don't go back there in your mind. Don't relive it. Don't try to finish it off or defeat it. Just BURY IT. Use that drive as your fuel to guide you. Like if you want to lose weight, get determinted you want to bury it! If you want a new job? Get determined that you will bury that place! Got someone in your life that you have to deal with but cannot stand for whatever reason? Same thing.

You're doing this for you. Its your life. Your sanity. Your journey. Your story.

Remove the toxins from your life. Every day. One step at a time. BE HERE NOW.

--T