Its 10:30pm on Wednesday. I can't sleep.
My sleep is all jacked up from switching shifts this week from my usual 3-11pm shift to a 7-3pm shift at my day job. Its my fault, I volunteered for the gig. Starting next week I do split shifts to train in a new skill set of outputting graphic design for different products than what I currently do. Its an industry standard now, and the experience will be greatly valuable for me as I move forward in my career there or wherever I may roam. Meanwhile at home, I'm doing sketches in books and commissions for clients for the Kickstarter and private commissions. Then I am dreaming up the next page art on Starslam 3 and stuff for the Patreon stories and eventual launch. Anything to get some legs under the table of my "art career."
Meanwhile, I'm battling a new health issue: Carpal Tunnel... which has recently surfaced and is becoming a literal pain. Right now its something I can cope with, especially with the use of braces and other such devices. But does it really have to effect my right hand and arm? The one I use to click a mouse and to draw with? Universe... sometimes you play unfairly.
My mind is swimming with the passage of time, lack of stability and routine. This week I am on a major music kick, thanks no doubt to my recent weekend recording music and hanging with my friend. I realized there are some major holes in my collection of music paraphernalia and collectibles. There are some Special Edition Cds I don't have and Live DVDs I somehow never got. All gleefully added to my wish lists now, thank goodness. The hunt begins for those.
Today I am on a big Beatles kick, because of the announcement of the SE of Sgt. Peppers... a 50 year old album that signifies a major step up in music creation. The first "prog rock" album, which launched the careers of some of my favorite music. Today marks the 15th anniversary of Layne Staley's death, as well as the 23rd anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death (however that happened). It sucks that mainstream music has been utter shit since they left us. And all we can do is examine the small details and listen to the remastered versions and isolated vocal tracks. Pure genius with all of those musicians. Certainly not repeated like that since. So it goes.
In all of this, I realize that there are some albums I have always neglected to drill down on. Some of the deeper cuts or influences on these bands that I just have neglected to dissect yet. I got the music, but never bothered to scope it out. I made some new playlists, and so I will. That is a new mission I have now taken on... as if I didn't have enough self imposed things to do!
I got asked back to the same comic store I always set up at for Free Comic Book Day. But I'm bowing out because its the same weekend I already scheduled with my kids. That's fine, I don't have anything new to sell anyway. Maybe next year. Maybe never. Who knows where this new Patreon/Kickstarter/porn comics thing will lead me? Can't sell that stuff at a family establishment! Oh well.
I'm sitting here in my tiny apartment, stuffed full of things I love and the things she loves. A bunch of stuff I should be reading or playing or listening to or watching. Stuff I'll hopefully get to enjoy one day. Stuff that will decorate a home I will earn for myself very soon. I'm trying to get to everything and everyone I have had to neglect for one reason or the other.
Duties call.
Time slips by.
Life happens around you.
Some good stuff is coming up. I got a trip planned to go see my dad. Some much needed R&R as well. No agenda. Just... BEING. I can handle that I think.
Also coming up is the Exxxotica. I had to bow out as an exhibitor but I'm excited for the trip to promote Starslam and what I am doing. Maybe see if it would work for me next year.
Other than that, hard work every day. At the day job, at home, and in my thoughts and feelings. Things are better. Things are brighter today. Instead of being sad that heroes and musicians I love are gone, I am grateful to have them at all. I'm especially grateful for the art they left behind. I hope I am that something to someone, someday. I get emails or messages of praise and support of my work and you have no idea how that makes me feel. Like all of it was worth it. Like what I do and the struggle I have internally to get it done is a good fight to have. Keep making it important. Keep it going. I love creating passionately enough that no amount of hand and arm numbness or pain can stop it. No fear of the future or fatigue of the daily grind can pull me down.
I create for you, sure. But mostly and selfishly, I do it for me.
Forgive me for that won't you? But rest assured, I am not about to quit. Not on myself and certainly not you!
The music rolls on.
--T
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