The Work Continues

I didn't think I'd blog again this week, but I am. Seems like its my only outlet sometimes. I have so much to do, so little time and the clock is ticking.

Today has come a day I have been dreading. I'm going to a funeral for a friend. I know I will cry. I know it will hurt. I'd rather get 10 teeth pulled without pain drugs than to face this, but I have to. Its hard to truly express my sorrow and anger at this moment. If you've heard any of my latest podcasts you can hear it in my voice. I know he wouldn't want me to feel any of these things. But one thing I've learned about grief of any kind is that you have to let yourself feel it. You cannot run from it. Getting it out in any form is a good thing.

Today will be a demonstration of the two extremes one can face in life. First a funeral for a dear friend, and then going to a wedding for my girl's friend that she is in. Death and new life, all in the same day. This morning, the bride is getting ready and she's excited for her life ahead. Meanwhile at my work, Caleb's cubicle is cleaned out. His loved ones are preparing to gather to say bye (for now) to him.

It's all so surreal when you reflect on it. Love and death, its all a part of this existence that we dwell in. The ride goes too fast. You want to get off it and take it in once in a while, but sometimes you just don't have the time. Maybe indeed, time is the fire in which we burn. (Star Trek reference there, for those who care about such things)

As for me, life will move on. One week from today I'll be packing a truck full of my things and taking it 22 miles East to my new temporary home in East Lansing. Back to the same apartment complex as I was in over a year ago during my divorce. I liked the place well enough to go back. In the end, it was a poor decision but one I had to make. Because in a year I have to move again back to this area for my kids. So it goes. At least I got a free deposit out of it and the rent is decent. The place is smaller, but it will do. And I am sure I will make some good memories there again. As opposed to last time when I was crying everyday and barely getting any sleep between the two jobs I had to work to rebuild my life. But I survived that.

I will have one year there to get my life on track. There are several things to focus on: Artworking, Diet, Exercise, Mental Health, Finances, My Relationship, etc. So much "adulting" to do. The big questions must be tackled and wrestled down to the mat. The time to truly "get busy living or get busy dying." A lot rides on the next year of my life. Its a transition, that is for sure.

I'm going over there to live my life as best I can. I hopefully transition to the better "me," whatever that means. Because in a year, I'll get my kids back living with me like it was. Well, what it WILL be. A new normal for them. I'll get to feel like a full time dad again. I'll find a new rhythm of life and try to be great at it. While around me, the craziness of the world keeps ranting and raving.

But in the end, I'm still me. I will hang my new movie posters and a picture of my friend on my wall. I will reorganize my Cds, Games, Vinyl, Comics, DVD and Blu-ray collection for myself. My prized possessions. Oh, and some of my nerdy toys too. All of it proudly on display next to my books and art. I'll make room for my girl's things and she gets to find a new normal for herself as she decorates her first home with me. Those will be happy things. I look forward to it.

Of course right now, mentally, I'm a mess. So, I spent time with myself last night just listening to old podcasts from eight years ago. All my old comic friends in my head as I picked up a pencil again finally. I was gifted with seven pencilled pages. I made borders and inked some of them partially. Pages for Starslam 3. Secret Project. Etc.  While I drew, the thoughts of everything going on left me and I was just in the work. The pages came out great. You'll see them one day soon. The work continues.

That's what I gotta keep reminding myself. Tragedy and sorrow is not the end of the story. Especially Caleb's story. Yeah, it sucked what happened, and it will suck for a long time. But we will get through it. Because life does continue. And taking on his best traits and remembering his spirit we live on and become better people. We still retain who we are and we do evolve and grow. We stand up to tragedy and face everything thrown at us. It's our best trait as humans. Our will is strong and it gets stronger as we carry those we love with us. Its like the Quickening in Highlander. We get stronger to defeat what's next. And the work continues.

Today I will feel sadness. But I will also feel joy for those two lovebirds who will tie the knot. I will come home and spend time with my girl. And tomorrow I will get my boys and hug them tight. And pack a box or two, to get ready for next weekend.

...and maybe I'll find time to pick up the pencil again. Because the work will continue.

Onward and upward,

T

Updates and Nonsense

Hey folks! We're rockin and rolling over here. I'm doing a bunch of commissioned AP cards from my Leaf Sports blanks, plus a few other commissions. Busy as always. Money has been tight as we're keeping up with little bills and plus doctor's visits/medication fees for Scott-bot. I think we got a good hold on a pill that helps calm him down. Its a rollercoaster most days with him, but we're getting it. He's getting better. Whew! Now if we can just keep his little brother out of everything!

Been continuing my vinyl obsession. I sold a few dvds/cds the other day and picked up some nice used discs. I did most of my shopping at REPLAY in East Lansing. If you are in the area, stop on in. Here's a bit of the interior:

There's three vinyl shops in East Lansing: Replay, FBC (Flat, Black and Circular) and The Record Lounge. They are all pretty close together. If in the area, stop in and give em business. Indie record shops deserve your money over big box stores!!!

In other news, I recorded episodes 199-200 of my IDIOTHEAD MORNING SHOW! Subscribe via Itunes right HERE. Its free! And thanks to those who listen. Its a perfect companion to this blog.

Over in the adult section of the site, we're getting ready to jump into chapter four of STARSLAM, my superhero erotica story. All shall soon be revealed! So if you are over 18, jump over and get caught up. That also, is FREE!

For you adult Deviantart fans, I will be uploading newer girlie art sometime this next week so watch out for it. Its celebrating some love for BBW. (BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN) Necessary.

The snow has fallen here in Michigan and south of us there was a massive snowstorm. Winter is here and that means fasten your coats and turn on that 4 wheel drive. Be safe! Don't drive crazy. Only a couple more months and it will be gone, so just tough it out and stay safe. 

I gave my oldest son his Xmas present already. I got him an Xbox360. I still have yet to shop for Xmas for Scott, James and the wife. The wife is already well aware that I need vinyl from Santa. So we're gonna organize that very soon. I'm still waiting on some outstanding freelance invoices to be paid. I guess I need to stop being so nice and get louder about it.

Some great movies coming in theaters that I want to see. Obviously the HOBBIT sequel. Then there's GRUDGE MATCH, basically Raging Bull vs. Rocky Balboa. The trailer looks great. And I saw the trailer for the new Godzilla flick. Very very dope. Its gonna be a great summer next year!

I suppose that is all I have on my plate today for you. Hope it was filling. Nummers! Take care, be safe in the snow and have a good week!

T