Happy Mother's Day

Hey friends. Long week of work and then some illness. Been having some stomach shit going on. It still sorta is around. I've been trying to take it easy. But---- I bothered to make a big meal for Mother's Day:

Roast with gravy, biscuits, taters and chicken dumplings.

 I realized that today, May 14th is not only Mother's Day but also my mom's birthday. She woulda been 71 today. I like cooking taters and dumplings on Mother's Day because my mom taught me how to make my mashed potatoes. Its a special recipe that people always love. It isn't rocket science, but I make them the same way every time since she taught me. I even still use the same yellow strainer and the mixer she gave me back when I was in high school moving out on my own. In all my moves, they've never got damaged or replaced. Its like we are making them together. And for the Chicken Dumplings: people go ape shit over them. Its a southern recipe that was taught to me by Gloria, my step-mom who came along into our lives after my mom died. They were friends growing up and her and my dad became companions after my mom died 17 years ago. We got close, her and I. So much so that I felt comfortable giving her the honorary title of "Mom." I didn't hand that out lightly, but I felt she earned it. I'd send her Mother's Day cards and call her too. I miss her as well. She taught me how to make the dumplings. Judith, my real mom made them as well, but she never had the chance to teach me how to make them. With Gloria, I had the chance. She gave me a rolling pin from her collection to help in my efforts. On her deathbed she told me that the rolling pin she gave me was her grandmothers. It makes it all the more special. I still use it today. So anytime I make the combo of Taters and Dumplings, I am honoring them. The above pic is the result. Now, the beef roast? That is my recipe. All of us together on one plate. (The biscuits are courtesy of that doughboy from Pillsbury)

Man, I wish they were here. I miss them both greatly. Sometimes I really need someone to talk to and they both were it. While I do talk with my dad a lot I still had a special connection with them that cannot be recreated. There are times lately that I really wish they were here for some much needed advice or an ear to lend. It sucks that I don't have that anymore and I gotta pay some stranger to listen to my problems. Moms are free therapists and usually don't stretch appointments to keep the money rolling in. The advice is sympathetic but also stern and straight to the point. I miss that. After my mom died, I cannot tell you how many times I'd pick up the phone and start to dial her and then it would hit me, "Oh yeah." She's not there. (sigh) So it goes. 

Always honor your parents, folks. Because one day, they will be gone. And all you will have left is what they taught you and what little time they had with you. Hopefully it was just enough to get you through the rest of your days. And to all the moms out there: We appreciate your efforts to raise your kids the best way you can. Thank you. Truly is the most important job in the world, not to raise another asshole. Cheers to you.

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I haven't done much on new art pages this week. My carpal tunnel has been acting up. But I did finish this promo image...

FACEBOOK:

So I decided I will be leaving my personal account and posting only in an official Artist/Writer account located: HERE - Click LIKE and FOLLOW to see what I am doing there. I'm not adding friends to my personal account and I am avoiding certain dramas and other things that distract and bring me down. This page is focused on ME ONLY. I'm going to do my best to keep my posts there about me, my work, things in my life, etc. All positive. No politics. No drama. Etc. I'm hoping this can ween me off that damn site completely. So if you private message me on the FB, I likely will not respond or see it. My other old page will remain there but its closed, all pics and things are closed and I will not be using it. If I can erase it without altering what I got on my new page, I will. Facebook is hard to figure out with their BS sometimes. But anyway, if I got anything daily to share, I'll share it there. But all personal stuff I'll keep to the blog here. Make with the LIKE and FOLLOW if you want. Enjoy.

I hope I feel better this next week. My stomach issues are up and down mostly. I just gotta get through this week and then next week I am on vacation to go visit my dad (and my two mom's graves) in Illinois. Plus other stuff. I NEED a break from the rat race of it all. My candle is pretty burnt.

Anyway folks, thanks for checking back. Much love to you all,

--T

Honoring Our Friends

Hey friends. I got a quick Friday blog for you all. I try not to post too much here but I like to keep content flowing, but mostly if I have something to say that is worthy for you to come here and read. Today, I do.

This week, my day job honored my friend Caleb ( Remember Him Here ) by planting a tree in our yard at work with a plaque baring his name and dates. We were all excused to go out there to pay tribute to him and memories of him. His wife, kids, brothers and sisters and mom and dad were there. After the reading of a poem, my boss said a few words and then opened it up to all of us to swap funny stories. Of course there were tears but also plenty of laughs. It was a great moment.

I absolutely love that my day job did this for him. There are a couple other trees in the area that are similar tributes to fallen friends before my time. I've seen other places of employment have tribute to employees who passed on as well. The local best buy has a glass case with a person's uniform and pics of him in it. The local Walmart has a plaque on the wall bearing a guy's face and dates. Its great to be at a place who actually CARES about their employees and honors them in such a way. It makes me feel very valued at a place where I work... perhaps for the first time ever in my life. And if you scroll through the last 10 years of blogs here at my site, I've had a ton of different jobs! 

I feel happy now that I got a place to go at the day job where everyday I am reminded of him. I have some things in our office that are for him. Like at my desk I got a pic of us together. And when I arrive there, I have to sit at his old desk for a couple of hours. For weeks, I didn't want to. I wouldn't even go near there. But this week it was unavoidable. But once I did, I felt better about it. We still got a couple small things that were his at the desk.

Now, I'm just grateful that I have a place to go when I walk outside to reflect on things. I haven't made it out to his grave site in Owosso. I just cannot do that yet. The tributes will keep coming. I already plan to get my first tattoo in March at Horrorhound Cincinnatti and it will be a tribute piece I am doing for him.

I was talking with his daughter and I told her and his wife about my tribute horror comic idea. I have to start on it soon. I've already pulled the reference for it and it has to be done early 2017. But I just haven't started it. Soon I will have to. But I want it to be my best. A lot rides on it for me. The book will be sold at the conventions his friend and wife go to. The money will be split between Caleb's family and Joe's family for their kids' needs. I won't see a dime from it and that is what I prefer. I just want them taken care of the best I can do with that I was given on this planet to do. If nothing else comes from my years of doing comics, me using this stuff I've learned to make something to help someone else makes it all worthwhile to me.

Anyway, I guess it goes to show that the work never stops. I keep thinking: Ok, get through this day and we can move forward. Get through this event and then we can move forward. But the events, tributes and works keep flooding in. Sometimes its tough to keep reopening old wounds. But I think sometimes in doing that, you can gain strength from the pain and turn it into something different. Like there's a part when you lose a musician, say... and you hear their songs for the first time after they are gone. And you are saddened that they are gone and this is all you have now. But after a while, you begin to celebrate what you have of them. The song starts to become "yours" and you use it to celebrate and be joyful that you even have this part of their art or their life. You use it to define you. So it shall be with Caleb and all that is still to come. The work, never ends.

I've had a few losses in my life. And every day I think about those people. Every day. This month alone marks my mother being gone 16 years. Its been a long road, this life. But every day I am thankful when I wake up. I made it another day. I get to honor my fallen loved ones again. I get to carry their spirit again, one more day.

I'm honored to do so... all the days of the rest of my life. They live on. And so shall I.

This tree will live longer than I will. The winds will not take it down. Its roots will grow deep and always remain. Nature thrives where we cannot. But nature will remember and it will live on. Never forgotten, never saddened...

...but it shall remain. It shall stand.

--T

Dec 22nd. A Poem from an upcoming book

Some of you might recall that every December, I do some posts about my mom and her passing on the 22nd. Usually each year I do something to mark the occasion and this year is no exception.

I am going to share with you a poem I wrote back then and only finished recently. Its going to be included in a book of short stories and poems that I have wrote over the years that I am hoping comes out this next year. No title yet, but I am collecting it all and writing some new material for it. I am hoping it is my first published novel of this type, and then I shall finish the other ones I have on my plate. I guess you can say I've been writing this book all my life as there's stuff back there from a long time ago!

Anyway, here is a poem that will be in the book that I started back in 2005 and finished in time for this book. and its about my mother. Enjoy:

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“Mother” (Started in 2005/Finished in 2013)

She closed her eyes

I never saw it.

Why would I want to?

She’s still alive in the back of my mind, you know?

Crocheting, napping and creating. Watching QVC. Taping her soaps.

Despite what the papers say, no, my mother never went away.

I pick up the phone to call

Then remember she’s not there.

Man I wish I could talk to her now. I need some advice. I fucked up big time. I need to hear you say it alright and it will get better. But you’re not there.

Despite what I think and say, my mother did go away.

Buildings shake and planes crash them down.

It’s a world changed and I’m glad you didn’t know about it.

Your favorite actor died yesterday. I wish I could quote you Monty Python again.

I saw an awesome movie and I thought about you again.

Despite what I want and feel, my mother did go away.

You never knew what I grew to be.

You never met my sons.

You never got to meet my wife. Man you woulda got along.

I have a tape of you. Three minutes of footage. I can’t get through watching it without tearing up. Like we did every time Spock died.

Despite what I think and say, my mother did go away.

Dad has remarried. She’s great to know.

Never tried to replace you. But your influence still lingers.

You’ll never be forgotten. You’re always brought up.

I can’t get gas anymore without getting a receipt because you told me to. And its silly to keep asking and waiting for it. But if I don’t, its like I’ve let you go finally.

Despite what I think and say, my mother did go away.

I’ve done great things.

I’ve made a great life.

I wish you coulda hung around longer to have been a part of it.

I feel robbed sometimes, but then truly blessed. Some people I know never had a mom, especially one as great as you were. And you’re with me still. I can talk to you whenever I want to. Even now, as I write this, I am .

Despite what they all say, my mother never went away.

You’re alive again. I don’t have to visit your grave.

You’re in my head. You’re in my hands.

My heart is here because you willed it into existence.

Thank you for all you did and will continue to do. I’ll unlock more about you as I go on through this life. I’ll never forget you. Not in a trillion lifetimes.

I watched “A Lion in Winter” the other day, just because of you. I saw Paul McCartney and cried, wishing I could tell you what it meant to me. You showed me the Beatles. You showed me the Godfather when I was six. Never protected me from the truth. Thanks for not bullshitting me, ever.

I’m closer to you now even though you are not here. I cannot hug you. But I can still love you.  Despite what I remember that happened, and all that came after, my mother never will go away.

--T