New Habits - Old Rants

I recently taught my son how to use my Mac and gave him his own side and password to log on. So every morning he gets up first thing and logs on to watch videos on Youtube and look at pics of things he likes on Google. Its been a great learning tool for him. However it ruins my old morning routine of using my own computer to check online things and start my day. I guess I have my iphone for that, until he decides to give up my beloved. But its still an adjustment and slightly annoying that I have to wait to use my own things!

Ever since starting this recent lifestyle change of eating better, I started drinking more coffee in the mornings. I sit at the kitchen table and take in a few cups while checking online stuff with my phone and just starting my day out catching up on everything. I started it around the time my dad went in the hospital. I felt it a fitting tribute because that was dad's routine. Dad would get up around 5am everyday and sit and drink a whole pot of coffee while he had the quiet time to himself at the table. He'd read his bible (back when we used to go to church... for me, that was 21 years ago) or he would break out the yellow notebook and do figures. What he was always doing with those figures is beyond me. He'd write out bills and do "What If" scenarios and figure them all out, financially. Always on yellow notepads. I use small yellow notepads everyday to make little notes in my office and write out lists. I got the habit from him. And now I got the sit at the table and drink coffee habit too. All in tribute to my dad.

He's doing much better, thankfully. I called him this morning. They say he might go home from the nursing home today. He's getting sharper everyday and seems to be well on the way to a complete recovery. Still a tad slurry here and there, but a lot better than when this all started. I'm extremely pleased with that. It was definitely scary there for a while. I'm waiting til the weather decides to remain consistent and I can trek down and see him. But I can't tell you what it meant to pick up the phone and call him for a quick casual call this morning. Just like I used to do for mom when she was alive. That's what I missed the most shortly after she died. I'd pick up the phone and start dialing and then that horrible feeling of  would set in. I'd remember she wasn't there and it was "oh yeah...she's dead." No worse feeling in the world than that. The helplessness. I just wasn't ready to feel that again. But thankfully I don't have to feel that today. Probably not for a long time to come. Cause I think my dad is gonna hang out here with me for a long time coming. It feels good to know that.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their messages, emails, calls, and more during this rough month we had. I really saw who my true friends were during this period and it meant the world to me. I took note of it all and I won't forget it. Thanks, my friends.

So here I sit today, trying out a new habit: Typing out a new blog at the kitchen table using (GULP) my wife's PC Laptop. I honestly hate it. I just don't like PCs for a plethora of reasons. I don't think this will take and stay a daily routine because I can't figure this damn thing out. Its constantly stopping and doing updates on me. I might have to save up and get a Mac laptop... just to make me feel normal. OR wait for me to get my beloved back everyday. OR get a newer Imac and give the kid the old one. That's inevitable anyway. Who knows. But for now I make do with what I got. PC or not.

The sun is out today and the snow is not as fierce. I look forward to spring because I am itching to toss a lot of crap out of this house. We got a ton of clothes and toys the kids don't use anymore and I'd love to make some room in here. I feel like moving furniture around and just making some changes for the better. New routines, new looks, new things to look at. I don't know what it is. I just feel like being a little different than my old self lately. I don't know why, but I like it!

(NOTE: As I was just typing now, this PC just shut down Firefox... so I had to re-log in and thankfully blogger saved everything I just typed. Yeah.. I HATE PC's!)

I think I am just ready for spring for more reasons than one. School is constantly cancelled and I had this bit where baby James would sleep from noon-4, and I could get work done. But with Scott's school constantly closed, my work load hasn't been getting done and stuff has been piling up. Thankfully the last couple nights I have stayed up later and got some writing done. My goal of getting the first draft of the sex store novel done by March is almost complete. I probably have a week's work of work to do on it. Then I'll edit it, add more, let some others read it and give feedback, refine again and then start pitching it to publishers. No way do I want to do this one myself unless I have no other choice. Just once I'd like the responsibility to get of me, and get my books into more stores.

(NOTE: At this point, Scotty gave me back my Mac and I have jumped from the crappy PC to my beloved. I shall type the rest of this post from there!)

AHHHHH... my old keyboard beneath my fingers and no constant interruptions! My beloved Mac! Well, as much as I am embracing change, some things I love just need to stay right the way they are! I type faster on this machine, too! If I was writing a book on that PC, you wouldn't see it until 2034!

Anyway, yes, I am progressing on the book and should have it done around the time I expect. I am hoping the rest falls into place as I need it to. Meanwhile, I am putting together the new MAYHEM book (expect a Kickstarter to launch for that soon!) and thinking ahead to what is next. I am still trying to find a way to get the files I need off these old zip discs and onto my Mac so I can reprint my old comics. I'm going to be doing more STARSLAM strips this week as well. I want all projects I have on my immediate plate done by the end of this year. My slate completely clear! (but of course I know what I want to do after that, so the slate will NEVER be clear!!!)

Progress. Change. Hey, the initials of that are P.C.! Whoa.

Okay this is the most rambling blog post ever concieved in all mankind. I better end it now and get back to actual work. Thanks for reading all of this my friends. I hope you make the progress and change in your daily lives as well. We all do. Change for the better and make the progress you know you have to make. Don't stop the train from rolling. Keep rockin' out!

Cheers, T

PORN STORY BOOK PREVIEW!

Some of you folks might recall that I am busy writing two novels: one is a collection of short stories and poems I have done over the years and the other is a tell all book about my days working in the sex retail industry. Easily the one that has got the most attention is the sex store book. I am very close to a completed first draft. After getting inspired by a doc on the great Hunter S. Thompson,  I spent four hours tonight proofreading and editing what I had. Only a little bit more to go and I have a great first draft, which I will then re-proofread and then submit it to some folks to get their thoughts. Then re-edit again, and then make it pitchable to a company to carry it on for me. OR self-publish it. All of which will be taking place in the next 3-4 months at the latest.

But for now, I thought I would share a bit of the book. I offer you a world exclusive, first glimpse at my first written novel. The prologue to my upcoming Sex Store memoirs. Enjoy!

____________________________

-->

PROLOGUE:

11:40 pm. Dec. 31^st, 2008. I’m sitting in the Tiger’s Den sex shop, alone. I turned the crappy modern rock music off just to sit in the silence. I’m sitting there, fighting off the depression state that I’m not home with my girl to ring in the new year together. She’s tired and has since fell asleep. She quit texting me an hour ago. Its snowing bad outside and I haven’t had a customer for over two hours. The shop was an isolated place, right off the interstate, nothing major of note nearby. Just a crappy truck stop across the street, and they are all closed up for the night. I’m sitting in the manager’s chair behind the counter, bored out of my mind. I wished I was anywhere else but where I was. I was too bored to read my book I brought, too bored to draw anything. I just preferred the quiet sound of the heavy snow pounding on the roof and the cheap metal wall covering the outside. I wanted to wallow in my lonely pity that I was stuck there on New Year’s Eve, alone.

I notice on the camera that a car has pulled up to the building. It slips and slides through our parking lot in the almost foot of snow blanketing its existence. The tracks left behind its tires was an interloper to the beauty of the quiet and untouched snowfall. A man in his late 40’s gets out of the Dodge Durango and heads for the front. The familiar door chime rings and pierces my ears. It is doubly loud when its dead quiet in the store. I nod at his direction, and in my head cursing that he even bothered to trek out into these dangerous conditions for porn he could have easily looked up online for free. But that’s not any way to think is it? Number one rule to retail: Customers are not an interruption to our work, but the purpose of it. I should be thankful I have a job at all in these rough times… so they tell me.

The minutes tick away and I’m silently begging in my head.

“Please don’t let me have to ring him up at midnight. Please don’t let me have to ring him up at midnight.” It becomes a mantra I repeat slowly in my mind as I watch him browse.

As the man walks around the store, I notice that he is obviously wearing a bra under a skin-tight shirt. It was some sort of secret fetish dress play. I surmised he probably was wearing panties too. He’s purchasing four $5.95 dvds from the cheap bin. Three are straight sex, which included all anal sex, bukkake and threesomes. The fourth disc was a transsexual flick, for you know, if the wife found it he had a safe excuse. “How did I grab this one by mistake?!” As if it would get lost in the shuffle, or the silly clerk at the front would judge his choices less if I didn’t notice…. As if I gave a shit.

As feared, he approached the counter at 11:58. (sigh) I rang him up and he paid cash. A few minutes ago I was screaming in my brain that I wished I was at home to kiss my girl when the ball dropped. But no, I was stuck here, ringing up a secret cross-dressing stranger at the stroke of midnight. I noticed the clock strike midnight on my computer clock. I said nothing. I gave the total, with discount for buying four movies. He paid and I started to bag them up.

“Hey. Uh, Happy New Year,” I said with a half smile. He looked up at the big clock behind me.

“Oh yeah…. You too,” he said in the most nervous type of tone. I decided to go with a joke to deflect the awkward silence.

“No offense, but I’m not giving you a kiss,” I said through the fake smile. I don’t think he got that I was joking around. Head down, he grabbed his bag and headed out the door into the snowy night. I sat back in the chair by the manager’s computer and sighed. I watched him drive away on the outside camera. I could hear the rush of the trucks on the freeway nearby, the sound of freezing rain hitting the outside walls.  The silence of no music in the store now made my ears sting. The store was empty and cold. I was alone and it was quiet. The smell of lube and glass cleaner hung in the air, my only companion on this late New Year’s night.

“How did it come to this?” I ask myself aloud. No one answered back.

----

It was 1983. I was five years old. And I was laying flat on the floor in a video store in protest of pornography.

My parents were doing their best to raise me to have a level head and decent scruples. They weren’t bible thumpers although we were practicing Jehovah’s Witnesses for a time. (I quit when I was fifteen because I wanted to start banging chicks.) I grew up in the country with no neighbor kids to play with, nor was there any cable TV in our area. The only thing I was allowed to watch was PBS, which had shows like Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood on it. For some reason early on I developed a streak of telling people what they were doing right and wrong in their lives. I would hang “No Smoking” signs drawn in crayon in the houses of smokers in my family. I would warn my parents to not watch movies that had dirty scenes in them. But I never protested the extreme violence, just the boobs and butts. I recall my mother watching “The Godfather” while I was in the room. But I didn’t care about violence. Only nudity. I wanted to cleanse the world. (For some silly reason)

It was with this mindset that on this particular winter day in 1983 that I went to the now long gone mom and pop style store called “Video World” in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan with my mother and her friend Robin. They were talking on and on and browsing the movies. Robin snuck off to the adult video room, which was sectioned off from the rest of the store. My mother followed her in, only to continue their conversation. To my knowledge she was never interested in renting pornography for herself or for her and dad to watch when I finally hit the sack. Maybe they did and I didn’t know it. But I highly doubt it.

But unknown to me her motivations, in she went. From browsing the Looney Tunes and Masters of the Universe Betamax tapes I saw her go in. I could not go back there to inform them of the wrong that they were doing, so I was stuck without a weapon for vocal protest. For some reason, I decided to lie down in the middle of the floor, arms and legs spread wide and there I lay, quietly. My mother emerged and with a gasp of embarrassment exclaimed, “Honey! What on Earth are you doing?”

“I am protesting mom,” I said simply.

“Protesting what?” She asked.

“I am protesting the fact that you went into that room with the dirty movies. Those movies are wrong and you shouldn’t watch them!” My mother almost fainted with embarrassment as chuckles echoed throughout the store. Our video rental days at Video World ended that day, as we never went back. She didn’t rent those dirty movies (not that she even intended to in the first place) and I had won.

---

If mom were to reflect back on that day in 1983 and compare it to now, it’s complete night and day. Her son that held that quiet protest on the floor that day has since grown up to work in several adult stores, managed one of them, hung out with strippers, worked on adult artwork, wrote many adult stories, had lots of sex with many different women and has certainly changed his mind on the stance of pornography. I have come to peace with my inner pervert, if you like.

However, in my years of growth and enlightenment, there have been many occasions for me to encounter the most, shall we say, colorful individuals and situations that life simply doesn’t teach you how to face properly. There simply is no guidebook that would help me combat and deal with these things as they arose. I have stories beyond stories of truly unique encounters of the kooky and the strange to the positive and then back to the plain and simple extreme perversion that is associated with that beloved genre. And it’s not all bad. Certainly I’ve had my share of weird occasions and people, but I’ve also had great times with folks. It all comes together in a large melting pot of experience that I am eager to share with the rest of the world. It is with these things in mind that I present this novel of complete non-fiction to you for your enjoyment.

Do you want to hear about the time I dealt with the trucker who was dating a mentally handicapped lot lizard? How about married men hooking up in secret locations over and over in arcade booths? Or the time that a man wearing a diaper and an inserted butt plug asked us if he could clean our bathroom because his mistress demanded him to ask us? Or being asked to assist a 70 year old cross dresser for his role play? Or the time I spent the night at a swingers club? Its all here in its uncut, completely 100% accurate and depraved glory. This is the blatant and embarrassingly honest tale of one man’s journey of finding inner peace within the genre of pornography, even so much as to work in the industry itself. Only to find the sludge deep within and emerge with crazy stories that he can tell till his dying days. I’ve had the ultimate peek behind the curtain and I want to share what I saw.

Still want to read it? If you say yes, you’re a sick mother-fucker. And welcome!

---ADAM T. 

Frayed Ends of Sanity

Hey all. Thanks for checking back. I don't have too much of good news about my dad at this point. They moved him from ICU, but then discovered bleeding in his upper stomach area and have moved him back in. More tests to run and then probably surgery I am guessing. He's not talking clearly and is in and out with talking normal and then into total nonsense. I'm just taking it as it comes at this point and just keeping my mind occupied. Come what may. I can't control it, so I am just thankful for each day that goes by with the hope that he might get better. Its all I can do.

Meanwhile, I keep myself occupied. Playing with the kids, hanging with the wife. I drew some more STARSLAM strips yesterday. Probably do more tonight. I got some commissions to do, which is good. I'm waiting on payment for a few others plus some card work I did last June (STILL not paid for that!). I finished one card set and I got another one I have to work on too. Markers need refilling, so there's that.

On writing, I haven't done too much progress as I haven't had much alone time as I would have liked to have. I've just sort of been keeping my mind occupied cleaning the house, watching old episodes of Roseanne, which I had NEVER watched before but am enjoying now. I did however sketch out a potential cover idea for the porn store book. Since I feel I owe you something for checking this out, I'll show ya:

A sort of James Bond vibe with a B&W "CLERKS" vibe I am thinking. Bright color letters for the words. Maybe. I got time to think about it. Gotta get a first draft done.

I've been talking with the boys about the final touches of the TALES OF SEQUENTIAL MAYHEM book #3. Everyone will be done on time and we're going to be shooting another video for the Kickstarter for it. I have the idea already and have talked to my actor involved. Its gonna be fun to do. Probably end of the month for that.

We're fast approaching Jan. 24th, where I turn the big 36. I wish I could say that my new year has started off good but all this with my dad obviously has derailed me a bit. But I'm trying to stay on the track and keep going. For sanity's sake, mostly. Just ignoring it. To focus on the things I can control rather than be upset at the things I cannot. Just keeping up with my work, to keep the focus. I really need a couple nights of hardcore progress and production. Nothing cleans my head like a good night of getting work done. Hopefully this week. As always, I'll keep you fine folks updated.

I didn't want to bum you out and make ya'll worry about me. I'll be okay, no matter what. My chin is up and I'm rockin' and rollin.' On to the next page.

Cheers, T

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I wasn't going to do this post, but I didn't want to end 2013 here with the downer that was the last posting. It did get a lot of hits though. Thanks very much for coming back and caring to read it. You never know what people are going to care about when you put it out in the world, even when its somethng small like a blog post from your frustrated mind. So I appreciate the hits. Biggest blog reads in a while now. Thanks for that.

I am happy to say that today is another day and after I posted that, I chained myself to my table to get some work done on commissions. And in the last couple days, I pencilled 10 small commissioned adult art pages for a regular client I have. I pencilled them on 8x11, inked and digitally colored most of them. Plus I did a piece I am giving to friends as a wedding present. It would be easy to say "Forget what I said, I'M BACK" but I know that the comfort demon is always right around the corner, ready to rub my shoulders and make me submit. He always wants me to lose my focus.

Some things help. Like seeing others' zeal for their own self-published works. Like BECKY CLOONAN. Also, JOE PEACOCK's writing always seems to be a great source of fuel for me to sip. Lastly, its the knowledge that no, I am not quitting. I never wanted to quit. I just get scared that it would be so easy to. Like the drive has dissapated as I get older, but I can adjust. Thats good to know. Deep in my core, I haven't changed and will not change. And that I take with me into 2014.

On my newest Idiothead Morning Show Podcast (Subscribe HERE for FREE!), I talked about 2013 and going into 2014 with some goals. Not resolutions, but things to look forward to.

1-GET ONLINE STORE GOING AGAIN - My books have been out of print for years now. I need to monotize what I already have and not worry about the next thing until I am taking care of the babies I got. So Anna will get redone. Pleasant Life will be collected and put in one big book. I plan on doing a 20th Anniversary Tshirt and get the Artbook printed finally. Plus more to come. I need to make $ on what I already own. Its important. I feel like a shlub saying I do books when all my books are sold out and I never have any at the shows.

2-CELEBRATE 20 YEARS - I've talked about it repeatedly that 2014 is my 20th year doing comics. I want to celebrate it. Talk about it more. At the cons, have balloons and cake. Show people why I am celebrating and let people know I care enough to celebrate it. I feel like I've earned that.

3-FINISH MY FOUR PROJECTS - First, the Starslam trade... which I only have about 20 more pages to go on it. Then release it online and a tradebook. Then there's TALES of SEQUENTIAL MAYHEM #3. My art is done. Just have to put it all together and launch a Kickstarter in January. That is all rolling. Lastly, my two written books: The short story/poem collection and the "My life working in the Sex Stores" autobiography. I am about 80 pages deep in both and I plan to finish both by March, with a first draft for each at least. The short story one I will likely self publish but I am seeking a publisher for the autobiography. But I am not worrying about that until I have a working draft. But all four things will be released next year. Guaranteed.

4-DISCOVER MORE MUSIC - Continue my vinyl rediscovery but also branch out into new music and keep the fuel going. An easy no-brainer.

5-TREAT MYSELF NICER - Joe Peacock said in his latest blog something I never thought about. He said that "I own myself." Thats true. I own my brain and my body. But I always put myself down and don't take care of myself. Physical, mental. I say these self-depricating jokes as a sort of defense mechanism to feel like I am taking the thunder away from anyone who would be thinking it for me. So no more fat jokes about myself. I've been taking energy vitamins. I'm going to continue that. Cut sugars and make one meal a day a healthy one. Just start slow. No fast food. Can't much anymore because the wife's student loans have caught up to us and we have to start paying on them! So just start with that and transition with the flow. But also with this, just to stop the doubts. Move forward. Keep going. Treat myself nicer. Rebuild confidence. Get louder. Celebrate more. Buy myself the more expensive soap or mouthwash instead of the generic one. Because I celebrate my value on this planet and I deserve it. and thats what I mean about treating myself nicer. Ya dig?

2013 had its strikes and gutters, ups and downs. I'd relist them, but I don't have to. Its behind me and only a fool trips on baggage behind them. I'm moving forward. Take me into your arms, 2014. I'm ready.

Everyone: Thanks for reading and caring to keep coming back to check out my little corner of the world. It means more than you know. Be safe, take care and I know you're going to have a great year!

Peace and love, T

Porn Store Book Story...

Some of you know I am currently working on a couple books. One of which is a "tell-all" book about working in a few of the sex toy stores and strip clubs I have been employed at. I'm interviewing past co-workers, dancers, struppers and more. I should have a good first draft done by January or so. I am hoping to either pitch it to a publisher or I shall simply self publish it. Of all the books I talk about, people seem to most be interested in this one. I tell all my secrets and stories of all the crazies, nutjobs, arseholes and nice people I encountered in my time there. Anyway, I thought I would share a story that is actually from the book to wet your whistle. Enjoy!

__________________

-->

One particular sunny day, I was counting down the register for a shift change. I was in a hurry because I wanted to get out of there in a decent time and head home. I heard the front door chime behind me and a man who resembled Phillip Seymour Hoffman walked up the counter. He wore a black sweatshirt, black sweatpants and looked unbathed. He curtsied to me as if he was a ballerina and introduced himself. 

“Hello kind sir. My mistress is in the car and demanded that I come in here and pick out a butt plug for me to wear for her. Could you please point me in the direction of your butt plug section?” He said simply and without losing his slight smile and happy tone. He sounded very eager to please. I paid it no mind and decided to answer him.

“Um, the wall over there has a bunch,” I said as I pointed out. I would normally step out onto the floor to guide the customer to the area I was mentioning, but I was in the middle of counting money.

He curtsied and thanked me for the help and went to the wall. I flashed my co-worker a weird look and they nodded back, stifling a chuckle. Moments later, the man came to the counter with his chosen plug. 

“I hope my mistress likes this one,” He said as he peeled out his wallet. I rang him up quickly, so that I wouldn’t lose my place in my counting the second drawer down. I tossed his plug in the bag with the receipt and thanked him. He curtsied and left with a smile. 

“What the hell was that all about?” My co-worker asked through a laugh. 

“I don’t know man. Just some role play I guess. Why they always gotta include us?!” I replied.

Moments later, the man came back in with the bag. He stopped at the same spot he was before, curtsies again and began to speak. “My mistress would like to know if I could use your backroom to insert this into me. Could I use your backroom please?” He said with a smile. By this point, I clued into the fact that as he walked, there was a slight rustling sound. I now realized that he was wearing an adult diaper. 

I shook my head. “No man, I’d rather you do that on your own time and place, okay?” I stated as nice as I could. He thanks me again, curtsies and left again. 

About five minutes later, I finished my count of the second drawer and was ready to gather my things when the door chimed again. The man was walking back in, and rather stiffly. Almost, uncomfortable, as if something was stuck up inside his own asshole. I knew what it was. He stopped in the same spot, curtsied and asked his newest question. 

“Hello! My mistress would like to know if I could clean your bathroom for you,” He said simply. I stood dumbfounded. 

“Um, what?” I said. It was all I could drip out of my mouth to say.

“I have been commanded by my mistress to get down on my hands and knees and scrub your toilets, your floors and even with a toothbrush. I would really do an excellent job for you. Would you let me clean your bathroom for you?” He said, simply. I grew tired of the game, odd as it already was.

“You know what dude, I think we got a handle on it,” I replied. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, quite sure. Thanks but no thanks,” I added. He curtsied and left again. This time, for good. I saw him get into the passenger side of a small Chevy and drive away. I never got a look at the driver, his beloved Mistress. But I am sure they were off to more adventures somewhere else down the road. But thank God our conversation was over!